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1. Put this professor in your spank bank and move on. There's very little good and a whole lot bad that can result from a student pursuing a relationship with a professor.
2. As others have pointed out, a relationship with someone you've never met and who doesn't live in your area is not a real relationship. Ever heard of Manti Te'o? For all you know, your "boyfriend" doesn't even exist, or is someone playing a joke on you. Get on Tinder or Grindr or whatever and start dating locally -- preferably dudes who are your age and don't hold positions of authority over you.
This, and also, I don't plan on actually pursuing him, either. It's more that I just don't know how to handle these feelings. If I actually did pursue him, it would be years down the road after I finish college, and likely law school too.
OP- Are you opposed to dating locally? As in -use the apps like grindr/jack'd/tinder to meet someone in your college town perhaps even right there on campus?
So, I've recently realized that I've developed feelings for a professor of mine (I'm a sophomore year-wise, although I have enough hours from high school AP classes and CLEP that I'm already a junior via credits). I know this is scandalous and this bothers me, particularly as I'm only 19 years old. (I'm a bisexual male, and like the title says, this professor is male too).
Currently, this semester is the second time I have had him for a class-I had him for another class last semester as well. It's taken me a while to realize I have these feelings though-while I will admit that I was shocked by how attractive the professor was on the first day of class last semester, and I couldn't help but notice his bulging muscles through his shirt, I didn't necessarily immediately begin having a crush on him. However, due to him being both physically attractive and the fact that we have similar passions for politics (I am a political science major, yes, and he teaches me in a major-related class), it seemed like we clicked almost easily. I did well in his class last semester academically (it's so early in the spring semester thus far), but considering how this crush is something I just now realized, the main reason I did well in his class last semester largely stems from the fact of my interest in the material.
I don't want to seem like I'm wanting better grades from this because I do well as it is. Also, I realize a relationship would almost certainly get him fired, and on top of that, I do have a boyfriend. My boyfriend and I are in a LDR which is especially hard as he and I are in two different countries (I'm in the United States and he's in Brazil), but nevertheless, I do not plan to cheat on him either. My boyfriend does know about this crush and he's not mad at me for it-in fact, he already found out about this professor about a month and a half ago, and he said that he was hot in his opinion and would be the perfect guy for him to date (something I found kind of suspicious TBH).
Like I said, I don't plan to cheat on my boyfriend nor do I have any interest in having any sort of scandalous relationship. To be completely honest, I think it would be for the best to get rid of these feelings, but I don't see how that's going to happen, at least not at the moment. What do I do? My boyfriend and practically all of my friends have all said there's no need for me to worry, but I just wonder if it's wrong that me, at 19 (almost 20, my birthday is in just over a week), is having feelings like this for a professor who is in his 30s, and on top of this, I am in a relationship. Should I continue feeling guilty?
How about just acknowledge you have a crush, and that's it? I have a crush on Jason Momoa. Pretty dang sure that's as far as it's going to go.
But he's not someone you see IRL. That's what causes the awkwardness for me...
Nope. It doesn't have to be. I've had crushes on teachers before. NEVER thought about acting on it. I've had crushes on married men before. NEVER thought about acting on it.
There is no good reason to act on your crush at this point. It's unethical for HIM, and potentially troublesome for you.
Nope. It doesn't have to be. I've had crushes on teachers before. NEVER thought about acting on it. I've had crushes on married men before. NEVER thought about acting on it.
There is no good reason to act on your crush at this point. It's unethical for HIM, and potentially troublesome for you.
I never said I plan to act on it, unless it's far out in the future and that professor/student dynamic no longer exists. I just feel awkward and I don't necessarily know how to deal with my feelings, hence why I created this thread.
I never said I plan to act on it, unless it's far out in the future and that professor/student dynamic no longer exists. I just feel awkward and I don't necessarily know how to deal with my feelings, hence why I created this thread.
I offered you specific advice on how to do that in post #5. You can actively make yourself get over the crush.
So my 2 cents is that you are 19yo & identify as "bi" & have crushes on 2 males that you really don't have any real relationship activities with, the prof may not even be gay (forgive me if this was covered, I didn't read the entire thread). So I'm just going to tell you what I have learned being much further along on the journey of life that you are just beginning.
Yes, the prof can be fired & his life, & his family, can be ruined if he is gay or just wants to play with a student. Typically nothing will happen unless the student or his/her family gets upset later & notifies the administration.
The "LDR" with the chatmate in Brazil will fade away, guaranteed. I could go on but that is the almost universal trajectory of LDRs that don't have a rock solid, in real life relationship for a long time first. Sorry, but you may still have a gay buddy in So America to chat with & be very open with, a nice thing that may not be available to you elsewhere now.
Lastly, as a teen on the brink of adulthood & in your physical sexual peak years, you are exploring your sexual identity in a safe way, "bi" may be the acceptable notion to see yourself as right now as you fantasize about 2 males that you probably aren't going to do it with, but it helps you to sort out some feelings that you haven't been able to act upon in real life yet with 2 real guys that in reality you probably won't have the opportunity to, so it's a safe way to explore new & possibly scary leanings. I wish you the best.
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