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I was looking at this thread when my partner walked into the room. I said, hey I love you. He said, I love you too. I asked why he never says it. He said, actions speak louder than words. I put up with you, I am having a child with you, I work side by side with you and I always have your 6. If my saying I love you is so important I’ll say it to you every morning and night. I said, not necessary Actions DO speak louder than words. And what do you mean... you put up with me? He said, you’re a PITA, but here I am and if that doesn’t say love I don’t know what does. I said, ok..... carry on.
That's sweet what he said I know I can sometimes be the pain in the... you know so it's like you might want to punch him for calling you this but still it's sweet and actually shows how much he loves you
No, it doesn't always have to be expressed with words, but we like hearing I love you from our SO once in a while. Two years in your relationship and neither of you have said I love you to each other is different from your question.
Obviously you need to hear him tell you he loves you because you initiated the post. Someone mentioned love languages, which is very important in a relationship to be sure that each person's emotional needs are met. Shortly after my SO other and I agreed to be exclusive, I initiated the conversation of long language. He was a little uncomfortable at first, but we had fun laughing and talking about what we needed to feel loved and appreciated. We do practice what we discussed. You say he shows you that he loves you, which is probably his love language, which is fine. You need to hear him tell you he loves you once in a while, which is probably your love language. Consider reading and discussing The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman together and practicing what you learn from each other. You relationship cannot last if either or both of you are emotionally guarded.
Thanks for the suggestion! I've heard of the 5 love languages and as you said I assumed that actions is his love language. And actually I do that for him too. I mean I like showing him with gestures what he means to me but I also like the words. We have discussed it in the past and I told him that I like the gestures but I also need eg the little sweet words like calling each other honey etc. And since then he calls me those a lot even though he said that for him they're not that important as they were at the beginning of the relationship. He said that now we show affection in different ways. But as I said I asked him to do it and he's been doing it every day since then. What I mean is that on many occasions he said that he prefers action not words and he's been keeping up with that. When it comes to me I need both (actions 90% maybe and words 10) so based on that and what I assumed about his love language i never wanted to press him for the words. But I do realize for me they somehow important and this is why I want to say them. If he doesn't feel the same I'll know and I'll be able to move on someday.
If you're going to tell him you love him, do so with the expectation that you are not going to hear the same in return.
If that's okay with you - tell him.
If it isn't okay, then you're not telling him because you want him to know, you're telling him because you want to hear him say it to you.
And as others have said, if he hasn't said it in two years because he's still unsure, I don't think he'll ever be sure.
I realize that it's his feelings or lack of them and I can't do anything about it if he doesn't feel the same way as I do. It's not like I'm going to force him to say anything. If he doesn't love me then it's OK. I mean it's going to hurt really bad but it's something I'll accept. I still want him to know what I feel. If we're not on the same page i believe it's better for both of us to just move on.
But as I said he's been doing a lot of thoughtful, loving and supporting stuff. And if he doesn't love me i don't understand why do that for a person who means so little for you after such a long time. I mean I'm in the middle of important work stuff and he's there talking everything over with me, giving his opinion on my idea, telling me if my ideas are not that great and gives alternatives, talks to people about it, encouraging them to join me. And he also says things like "next year, when you go on with your plans we (meaning him and me) will do this, this and that. I'll help you find people, location etc" And it's not like he just says it and then does nothing. He really does the things he promises. Which is why I never doubted his feelings even if he didn't say i love you. This said I want him to know how much I appreciate what he's doing for me, just being there and encouraging me when even my family didn't believe in my plans. I want him to know how much I love him. If somehow he doesn't love me back then be it. I'll need to live with it.
Maybe valentine's as someone here suggested. But I want to do it in a way that if he doesn't want to say it back then and there he just won't have to and if he does want to say it he'll have to chance to.
IMO, you guys have been together for 2 years and that's a pretty long time. You should be able to talk to him about what's on your mind and this is important to you so if he cares about you and it seems he does, then he should be receptive to a conversation. Whether the outcome is he isn't ready to say it or he feels the same way but has a hard time saying it or whatever, you should be able to talk about it.
Look, there are tons of posts on here from people where their SO says I love you and tells them wonderful things but treats them like crap. Actions do speak louder than words and his actions show he really cares about you.
IMO, you guys have been together for 2 years and that's a pretty long time. You should be able to talk to him about what's on your mind and this is important to you so if he cares about you and it seems he does, then he should be receptive to a conversation. Whether the outcome is he isn't ready to say it or he feels the same way but has a hard time saying it or whatever, you should be able to talk about it.
Look, there are tons of posts on here from people where their SO says I love you and tells them wonderful things but treats them like crap. Actions do speak louder than words and his actions show he really cares about you.
I know this should be like that but as I have said previously it's difficult for me to talk about feelings even with my parents. I have never talked with them about such things. I love them a lot byt they've never said it. I did maybe 3 times my whole life. But the truth is they've always been wonderful for me and I know they would seriously take a bullet for me and I would do the same i just know they love me even though they never said it. So this is how I feel it with my boyfriend. We can and have discussed many things some of them not easy, as someone has pointed out we're having sex (actually he waited before I was ready for sex for a whole year) even though we never said I love you. It's just that it's easier to show how we feel than to talk. But still though it's difficult i want to say it. And as you've pointed out talking may be easy for some people but doing things takes effort. If I had to choose I'd take my boyfriend who never says I love you but treats me the way I've described than a man who says I love you a million times a day but has no respect for me.
I know this should be like that but as I have said previously it's difficult for me to talk about feelings even with my parents. I have never talked with them about such things. I love them a lot byt they've never said it. I did maybe 3 times my whole life. But the truth is they've always been wonderful for me and I know they would seriously take a bullet for me and I would do the same i just know they love me even though they never said it. So this is how I feel it with my boyfriend. We can and have discussed many things some of them not easy, as someone has pointed out we're having sex (actually he waited before I was ready for sex for a whole year) even though we never said I love you. It's just that it's easier to show how we feel than to talk. But still though it's difficult i want to say it. And as you've pointed out talking may be easy for some people but doing things takes effort. If I had to choose I'd take my boyfriend who never says I love you but treats me the way I've described than a man who says I love you a million times a day but has no respect for me.
My parents (now just my mother) and I didn't begin to exchange "I love yous" until I was well past college age. I always knew that I was well-loved (and hopefully they also knew how much I loved them) and thought little of it until I was around people who said it to one another on a frequent basis.
You do what feels natural and right to you. I don't think that you're setting yourself up for disappointment. This guy seems like a "keeper" from what you've written here.
My parents (now just my mother) and I didn't begin to exchange "I love yous" until I was well past college age. I always knew that I was well-loved (and hopefully they also knew how much I loved them) and thought little of it until I was around people who said it to one another on a frequent basis.
You do what feels natural and right to you. I don't think that you're setting yourself up for disappointment. This guy seems like a "keeper" from what you've written here.
Thank you very much for what you said here it really helps to gather myself and say it (hopefully)
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