Am I wrong for not dealing with her son? (dating, girlfriend, how to)
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I've been with my girlfriend for quite sometime now. She has two boys of the age 10 and 16. The 10 year is mature and quite pleasant but the 16 year old is just . The 16 year old thinks the world owes him something, he can treat people how he wants to and just feel like he is above all and doesn't take accountable for anything he does. He feels he runs the house and the has authority over everyone.
I am a firm believer that you get what you give. If you treat others in a certain way expect that same energy back.
I've put up with his disrespect for awhile but a couple of weekends ago it was the last of it. He is only here on the weekends(thank god). He was using very foul language in our home and I told him he wasn't to use that kind of language in our home regardless of what kind of language he uses at his father's. He wasn't to happy but that's okay. He acted very disrespectful while I was telling him this. When he was leaving he never acknowledge me or said bye or nothing. It wasn't the first time but I figure I'll treat him and ignore him the same way when he gets here for the weekends.
I have blood relatives that I don't deal with because of how they treat people. I'll be damned to put up with this kid because I'm dating his mother. He's 16 and should know better by now. His mom and dad may take his crap and disrespect but I feel like I don't have too.
I picked him up and he said "hi, how was your week" and I ignored him and acted like he wasn't even there. Awkward yes but you would think he would open up and have a dialogue with me or apologize for how he acted but NO. Once again he just expects everyone to just to take his crap and be okay with it.
I told my girlfriend that I wasn't going to speak with him and she agreed and told me that she spoke to him on the car ride back home last weekend. Now she's upset because I ignored her son.
Am I wrong for my actions? -- How much can you let a person disrespect you? I tolerated him for awhile and for him not to apologize just shows once again him not being accountable for his actions?
You don't ever have to accept abuse from anyone, no matter who it is, even if it's a teenager.
So not, you aren't wrong, you are within your rights to stop speaking to him. He isn't your step son, you are just dating his mother. You aren't his step father. He has a father and that's who should be dealing with him and all his abuse.
Well, he tried to talk to you, when you picked him up, ignoring him when you pick him up , is petty (IMO) so I think you should have talked back, & see if he becomes better behaved.
Ignoring him was very immature. He’s the kid, you are the adult. Doesn’t mean you have Put up with disrespect. But you need to be the bigger person. Show him how to act. Ignoring him and acting like a brat yourself does nothing but agitate the situation
@PriscillaVanilla - Thank you for your response. Yes this is how I feel
@Evening sun- Yes see your point but the fact that he didn't apologize for his actions just show that he doesn't feel accountable for his actions. He expects me to take his disrespect and act like nothing happened because he said "hi,how your week".
@Evening sun- Yes see your point but the fact that he didn't apologize for his actions just show that he doesn't feel accountable for his actions. He expects me to take his disrespect and act like nothing happened because he said "hi,how your week".
The point is that he tried, and you just reacted to him in the way that you complained about him doing.
That's being a bad role model.
You don't have to put up with disrespect, but disrespecting him is just perpetuating the cycle.
Ignoring him was very immature. He’s the kid, you are the adult. Doesn’t mean you have Put up with disrespect. But you need to be the bigger person. Show him how to act. Ignoring him and acting like a brat yourself does nothing but agitate the situation
He can also do the adult thing and break up with the kid's mother. Adults make their own decisions, after all.
I agree with evening. You are supposed to be the adult.
Nobody has to take abuse from anyone, period. And you are really offering nothing of any value here, other than "be an adult."
This is not his child or his step child. He hasn't married the mother. He doesn't have to be a role model to this kid because he isn't the daddy. He is within his rights to ignore this kid. He is within his rights to break up with the mother and put both of them on permanent "ignore". The fact that his girlfriend doesn't take it seriously should be a red flag that he should end the relationship with her.
OP, I think you should focus on the relationship with his mom. Do you really want to be involved with her? I think that is the real question here.
Last edited by PriscillaVanilla; 01-31-2020 at 05:05 PM..
I've been with my girlfriend for quite sometime now. She has two boys of the age 10 and 16. The 10 year is mature and quite pleasant but the 16 year old is just . The 16 year old thinks the world owes him something, he can treat people how he wants to and just feel like he is above all and doesn't take accountable for anything he does. He feels he runs the house and the has authority over everyone.
I am a firm believer that you get what you give. If you treat others in a certain way expect that same energy back.
I've put up with his disrespect for awhile but a couple of weekends ago it was the last of it. He is only here on the weekends(thank god). He was using very foul language in our home and I told him he wasn't to use that kind of language in our home regardless of what kind of language he uses at his father's. He wasn't to happy but that's okay. He acted very disrespectful while I was telling him this. When he was leaving he never acknowledge me or said bye or nothing. It wasn't the first time but I figure I'll treat him and ignore him the same way when he gets here for the weekends.
I have blood relatives that I don't deal with because of how they treat people. I'll be damned to put up with this kid because I'm dating his mother. He's 16 and should know better by now. His mom and dad may take his crap and disrespect but I feel like I don't have too.
I picked him up and he said "hi, how was your week" and I ignored him and acted like he wasn't even there. Awkward yes but you would think he would open up and have a dialogue with me or apologize for how he acted but NO. Once again he just expects everyone to just to take his crap and be okay with it.
I told my girlfriend that I wasn't going to speak with him and she agreed and told me that she spoke to him on the car ride back home last weekend. Now she's upset because I ignored her son.
Am I wrong for my actions? -- How much can you let a person disrespect you? I tolerated him for awhile and for him not to apologize just shows once again him not being accountable for his actions?
You identified the root of the problem above (bolded). You and your girlfriend have different ideas on how to raise children and now she expects you to take the crap she and her ex have allowed.
And remember, child #2 is coming up and watching all of this. Don't be surprised if today's pleasant kid is tomorrow's disrespectful brat.
There are no adults in this situation besides yourself. For me, that would be a deal breaker but you have to do what you have to do.
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. The 16 year old thinks the world owes him something, he can treat people how he wants to and just feel like he is above all and doesn't take accountable for anything he does. He feels he runs the house and the has authority over everyone.
