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I dont remember where I read this. Ive read lots of different psychology and relationship stuff so it could have come from anywhere. It was probably also just someones opinion.
Have there been research studies done on it? None I know of.
Im trying to think of a time when a friend turned into a love interest and nothing is coming to mind. There were times I didnt find a guy inherently physically attractive but after actually conversing with him I saw he was funny, smart, interesting etc. and then I was attracted to him. Maybe it means that.
Men are either physically attracted to a woman or not, but will she win you over with her personality if you are not physically into her?
I dont remember where I read this. Ive read lots of different psychology and relationship stuff so it could have come from anywhere. It was probably also just someones opinion.
Have there been research studies done on it? None I know of.
Im trying to think of a time when a friend turned into a love interest and nothing is coming to mind. There were times I didnt find a guy inherently physically attractive but after actually conversing with him I saw he was funny, smart, interesting etc. and then I was attracted to him. Maybe it means that.
Men are either physically attracted to a woman or not, but will she win you over with her personality if you are not physically into her?
Also, there's women that will dismiss men for their height or whatever unappealing looks as well. I would even see women's dating profiles disclaimers saying, "Listen, this may sound shallow, but we all have to admits, looks are important!"
Of course, this is ONLINE dating. But I've had female friends that went through hell when their male friends were trying hanging around, calling them "Honey" or "sweetie" when they come together at parties...and had to take them aside to tell them to back the he** off...that nothing will EVER happen between them. I had a friend that must've had 2 or 3 guys that she would say, "We can go out as friends, right?"
And they were like "Suuuuure"
And then they'd try to get touchy or affectionate with her at a movie theater or whatever. She even carpooled with a man that was pining after her. To a Meetup camping trip. The shared a full pull-behind trailer to sleep in. Yes...they shared quarters.
Big mistake on her part. At the end of the camping trip, he made a move...she rejected him.
I was like "What were you thinking even considering sleeping in the same camper with a man? Talk about crossing boundaries"
Also, there's women that will dismiss men for their height or whatever unappealing looks as well. I would even see women's dating profiles disclaimers saying, "Listen, this may sound shallow, but we all have to admits, looks are important!"
Of course, this is ONLINE dating. But I've had female friends that went through hell when their male friends were trying hanging around, calling them "Honey" or "sweetie" when they come together at parties...and had to take them aside to tell them to back the he** off...that nothing will EVER happen between them. I had a friend that must've had 2 or 3 guys that she would say, "We can go out as friends, right?"
And they were like "Suuuuure"
And then they'd try to get touchy or affectionate with her at a movie theater or whatever. She even carpooled with a man that was pining after her. To a Meetup camping trip. The shared a full pull-behind trailer to sleep in. Yes...they shared quarters.
Big mistake on her part. At the end of the camping trip, he made a move...she rejected him.
I was like "What were you thinking even considering sleeping in the same camper with a man? Talk about crossing boundaries"
We all have anecdotes. I could come up with just as many examples to illustrate opposing evidence.
In my own experience, I dont really care if a guy is short or makes $24k a year as long as I am feeling something for him. My ex used to rage that all women are shallow golddiggers and so I must be too, while completely disregarding the fact that I was with him despite him being broke etc. It wasnt his brokeness that turned me off, but his accusing attitude about it and quasi paranoia that all women are shallow opportunistic golddiggers.
We all have anecdotes. I could come up with just as many examples to illustrate opposing evidence.
In my own experience, I dont really care if a guy is short or makes $24k a year as long as I am feeling something for him. My ex used to rage that all women are shallow golddiggers and so I must be too, while completely disregarding the fact that I was with him despite him being broke etc. It wasnt his brokeness that turned me off, but his accusing attitude about it and quasi paranoia that all women are shallow opportunistic golddiggers.
Hm, I guess you're right. We could go back and forth with anecdotes until we're blue in the face. lol This is starting to make me wonder if it's a regional or cultural thing?
You were both dating others, but...you were not dating each other?! No intimacy whatsoever for that entire year-and-a-half? Not even a kiss?
Like I said earlier, in contrast to your situation, I had a male friend that married his FWB (friends with benefits)...so obviously you weren't doing that with her for a year in half.
Anyways... People are scared to death to call it a "date" these days, the dreaded "D" word. I avoid people that cannot call it what it is. If it walks like a duck, swims like a duck, well...you know.
Nope, none of that. As it turns out, we did both want to, her surprisingly more than I, but was actually even more impressed by how gentlemanly I behaved with her in not just aiming straight for her pants and wooing her away from her guy. I may have overstated the innocence case, as she admitted a couple of times she was glad that I had gotten intoxicated and had to stay the night, as she was hoping that perhaps we might bump some uglies, but in that initial stage there was no hand holding, kissing, admission of feelings for each other, handsiness, or anything else.
Hm, I guess you're right. We could go back and forth with anecdotes until we're blue in the face. lol This is starting to make me wonder if it's a regional or cultural thing?
It may be. I told my ex I grew up with wealthy parents that took me on European vacations, restaurants in Beverly Hills, and while I enjoyed it, now Ive had those experiences. I dont need to find a rich boy to give me those experiences Ive had. Im interested in conversation, humor, something unique. I was with him cause I found him kind of raw and intelligent....like Will Hunting. But he was adamant I must be just another plastic material girl.
Nope, none of that. As it turns out, we did both want to, her surprisingly more than I, but was actually even more impressed by how gentlemanly I behaved with her in not just aiming straight for her pants and wooing her away from her guy. I may have overstated the innocence case, as she admitted a couple of times she was glad that I had gotten intoxicated and had to stay the night, as she was hoping that perhaps we might bump some uglies, but in that initial stage there was no hand holding, kissing, admission of feelings for each other, handsiness, or anything else.
I think you may have had the luxury of seeing each other frequently. My situations are that which I see a person one time at an event. ie Meetup hike or some other event and may not see them again for months. I have no real routine social circles that I hang with.
I think you may have had the luxury of seeing each other frequently. My situations are that which I see a person one time at an event. ie Meetup hike or some other event and may not see them again for months. I have no real routine social circles that I hang with.
Oh, yeah, we did. Ironically we did meet at a meetup event. They had weekly events, but she and I would hang out pretty routinely outside of that. Lunch a couple times per week, that sort of thing.
Oh, yeah, we did. Ironically we did meet at a meetup event. They had weekly events, but she and I would hang out pretty routinely outside of that. Lunch a couple times per week, that sort of thing.
Oh okay. ....in my area....Meetup isnt like it used to be. Now it's so saturated, you're lucky if you can see the same people more than once a few months,. Many join but never make it to an event.
Oh, yeah, we did. Ironically we did meet at a meetup event. They had weekly events, but she and I would hang out pretty routinely outside of that. Lunch a couple times per week, that sort of thing.
The thing was, she was willing to hang out with you outside the Meetup group. Usually this, and probably subconsciously indicates a romantic interest and/or some kind of attraction.
In my situation, the women in my life are completely platonic friends and remain as such. Even had one reinforce that when I reached out to her after a period of being out of touch for a while, "Now when we get together, it's just as FRIENDS...okay?!" Which I was on board with...me and her tried dating, but she thought the age diff. was too great between us (she was older).
So when I become friends with women, it's pretty much on lock.
But it is refreshing hearing these one-off stories where being friends with a woman...for a very long period of time, turned into something more.
The now married man that married his FWB, he did, however, she reached out to him, they dated only a month, and were engaged after that. Married a week later. I was like "Wow, why the rush?" and he said, "I'm not getting any younger and I can't think of a reason NOT to marry her".
So he was a bit on the desperate side.
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