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The answer might seem obvious but I feel like maybe people don't really answer this question for themselves enough. It seems like a given that everyone wants a relationship, b/c of human nature or whatever, but some people actually don't want one. It's perfectly doable to survive being single, unlike cavemen times, and most people aren't forced to get married to procreate, at least not in first world countries. So, just wondering, why would you want to be in a relationship? The more specific the better.
Most days I don't think I want to be in a relationship. I think I'm a workaholic and find more satisfaction in finishing something. Dating can get expensive and even if the guy is paying for everything, I'd feel bad, but I mostly split 50/50 more or less if I'm in a steady relationship. Trying to find the right person to date is also a pain in the butt and tends to waste time more than anything. I also notice that I tend to get more emotional even when I'm just looking for somebody to date. Does this happen to anybody else btw? I have to open myself up more and be more vulnerable, otherwise, I wouldn't care enough to date. Being this way can kind of mess me up though, i.e, I cry more, I get more anxiety, I do things that are irrational, etc. Not being in a relationship, I'm more emotionally stable and rational. On days I do want a relationship, it's usually because of these reasons:
-I want to love somebody - probably back to the human nature aspect.. sometimes I wonder if I get this urge because I'm a woman. I don't know if men get these urges, but sometimes I just want to take care of someone, feed them and make them feel loved
-I like feeding people - I like to try new recipes and I make pretty good food sometimes so it's fun to share that with someone
-Someone to help me get soup if I'm sick or chocolate if I have cramps. - But even when I've been in relationships, for some reason, this has never come up. I notice I usually crave this when I'm single and not feeling well.
-Comfort. - I guess it feels good to know you have someone to fall back on and to talk to.
-Regular texts - it can be fun to have a text to look forward to in the morning, during the day, at night, etc.
-Someone to do things with - you can count on someone to go out every Friday or Saturday night or stay in and do things with
-sometimes I think I want kids
I'm sure there's more but that's all I can think of for now. I've never wanted a relationship because I wanted regular sex but it is nice to just have one partner so you don't have to worry about STDs. I don't think I care much if I die alone either, because even when you're married, someone has to die first and it doesn't have to be me.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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In a relationship with who?
I have no desire to be in a relationship to be in one. I have a pretty good social life, pretty good sex life as it is.
So, there would have to be a real potential for a future, preferably life long, partnership for a committed relationship to occur. It's a rare rare person for that to be on the table. Maybe meet someone twice a decade with that potential.
Companionship and regular sex for sure. But I want that with a woman who I consider my best friend, not just a warm body. I also want someone to love, so thats not just you, OP. Someone to do things with a raise kids with are also a big reasons for me. I miss having a woman who just "gets" me and having inside jokes to the point of being able to read each others minds. I've only really had that in my marriage and it was great while it lasted. I don't just want a relationship, I want to be remarried and grow old with someone.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabriella Geramia
The answer might seem obvious but I feel like maybe people don't really answer this question for themselves enough. It seems like a given that everyone wants a relationship, b/c of human nature or whatever, but some people actually don't want one. It's perfectly doable to survive being single, unlike cavemen times, and most people aren't forced to get married to procreate, at least not in first world countries. So, just wondering, why would you want to be in a relationship? The more specific the better.
Ofc it's "doable to survive being single" BUT....IMO........life is about so much more than just survival or having babies.
I want to be in a relationship because he's my best friend & more...........
Tho I wouldn't be in any relationship just to be in 1......& ofc it's much better to be alone than in an unhappy relationship or an abusive one.......BUT....IMO most of us want good relationships with somebody that loves us without question.
Constant meaningless hookups is sucks after a while. Sex is always better when you actually like the person.
I met a guy for a hookup and i had great chemistry with him. We continued hooking up and gradually started netflixing and just spending a lot of time together. Slowly i stopped feeling the need to see other people so i asked him on a date.
Overall i think i yearned to find somone compatible who i could be myself with, have fun with, talk to about anything, travel with, make future plans together with and yes cook for and take care of in sickness as well. It wasn't all roses - we broke up for a bit but now we're past a year dating so far so good.
Its human nature to want to be truly seen by someone. Romantic love is a human need IMO.
- Companionship. Which is why I did not simply want "a relationship" with a hypothetical somebody...I wanted a relationship when I met the RIGHT somebody.
- Reliably GOOD sex. (I could get "regular" sex if all I wanted was just simply...sex. But for me, not all sex is created equal, so finding a partner who meets my needs and wants well, let's just say I wanna keep him around.)
- Life structure and accountability.
- Insurance against adversity. When you are solidly partnered, you've got a teammate, so if one of you is seriously ill, injured, suffers an unexpected job loss or something bad happens, the other can take up the slack and life can go on. A single person, unless they've very carefully prepared for contingencies, is more vulnerable.
- Respect. As a woman, I feel that spending more of my lifetime in a committed relationship, rather than single and dating (with or without promiscuity involved) makes me more "respectable." But the effects for my partner are ten times as pronounced. In our social groups, our community, before we were together, he was practically invisible. To the point that some have joked that he's like a "houseplant." But since we've been together, I've built a lot of social bridges for him...not enough to impose on his introvertness, but to a degree that he's happy with of course. I talk about how loving and supportive he is, what a great partner he is...I brag on him all the time. And our community gives certain kinds of honors and recognition to members who embody our values and whose contributions are appreciated...it's at the discretion of the leadership...and he was honored on one of those nights, as he would not have been when he was in "houseplant" mode before me. He's not a single older man on the fringes, now he's invited and welcome to everything. Other men shake his hand and call him, "Sir." Somehow being in a happy, successful relationship has kind of proven his chops to our social groups, in ways that just being there on his own never did....though I feel that at least some of this is me "promoting" him, boosting his good name. I don't know if it's a thing among men, that a guy who secures a relationship with a sought after woman gets a certain admiration...I guess it is...but given how many guys did want to be with me before, maybe that's in there somewhere, too.
- Accelerated accomplishment of goals--financial and otherwise.
- Entertainment. I get someone to suggest new media (movies, shows, books, etc) that I probably wouldn't have found on my own, and that, in this case at least, I deeply enjoy. Since we've got compatible taste in a lot of things, this happens often. I also have someone to go do things with, and suggest things to do, and a board game buddy. This may seem trivial, but I HATE being bored, so it's a significant enhancement to my happiness.
- Insurance against adversity. When you are solidly partnered, you've got a teammate, so if one of you is seriously ill, injured, suffers an unexpected job loss or something bad happens, the other can take up the slack and life can go on. A single person, unless they've very carefully prepared for contingencies, is more vulnerable.
- Accelerated accomplishment of goals--financial and otherwise.
- Entertainment. I get someone to suggest new media (movies, shows, books, etc) that I probably wouldn't have found on my own, and that, in this case at least, I deeply enjoy. Since we've got compatible taste in a lot of things, this happens often. I also have someone to go do things with, and suggest things to do, and a board game buddy. This may seem trivial, but I HATE being bored, so it's a significant enhancement to my happiness.
- Reciprocal life coaching and free therapy.
I would add these to my own list. The insurance against adversity is huge also. I have a minor outpatient surgery coming up and nobody to drive me home. Having a partner would alleviate me having to fight with the doctor over things like that. I said "I have nobody to pick me up, so I'll get an uber". They said, "no, thats a liability issue". Honestly, its awful if you're single and God forbid have anything medical going on, even if its minor.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,930,903 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39
I would add these to my own list. The insurance against adversity is huge also. I have a minor outpatient surgery coming up and nobody to drive me home. Having a partner would alleviate me having to fight with the doctor over things like that. I said "I have nobody to pick me up, so I'll get an uber". They said, "no, thats a liability issue". Honestly, its awful if you're single and God forbid have anything medical going on, even if its minor.
What about friends? I'm picking a friend up after a relatively minor procedure (but on her eyes) on Friday. Its not any different from having a friend drop you off or pick you up from the airport.
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