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This ^^ kind of thinking is how people take each other for granted and then wake up one day surprised that their spouse wants a divorce.
What will be left for her to support? And how has he "supporting" her now, when he can't even be bothered to invest any time in her beyond the desultory overnight snog??
I have a brother, Stephen, who is a workaholic. He will happily work 12 hour days for weeks, months on end. On average of about every 5 years, he will work himself into a state of exhaustion and he gets a flu. These flus are always bad and every time they require a full week in a hospital bed with IV antibiotics to get him through. Followed by a month of at-home recovery then he goes back to work.
Every time this has happened he promises to not work so hard. But five years later he is back in hospital.
In Stephens case, at 50 his health got so bad that he went onto SSDI. You can not treat your body like that without damaging it.
My career encouraged me to be a workaholic, but I got a 20-year pension. So I only did it for 20 years and I retired when I was 42.
Tell him that you feel like "soon" has gone by and been forgotten about. Tell him the amount of time you want per week. If that includes weekends together, tell him that directly. Quantify it and tell him you want a firm date for when his lighter schedule will start. That will expose you to the possibility of him ending the relationship, but it's eventually going to end anyway if he's always at work.
I'm going to shift the gears on this thread with the (pretty safe?) assumption that the guy isn't going to change his work habits.
Instead of focusing on the evenings you don't spend together, flip it and make the mornings your quality time. Instead of fretting about the dinner you make and he warms up, share breakfasts together. Wake him up to the smell of bacon and coffee. An early hike is as good as an evening hike. Lunch together before his shift. Make mornings your time together !
I'm uncertain what your work schedule is, I may have read and forgotten early on.
So my boyfriend works 7 days a week From around 1pm -10/11 at night. I feel like we hardly ever get quality time together apart from when we are on holiday or have a friend or family event to go to occasionally. I work from home so we get a little time together in the morning & maybe an hour or 2 in the night but I feel like it’s not enough. I’ve asked him if he could take 1 day a week off work but he isn’t happy to because of making less money even though he could change to 6 days a week if he wanted to. So then I said fortnightly but still he feels he is losing out on too much money so I’ve now recently got him to agree to at least once a month, even though I feel it’s not going to be enough but I’m trying to compromise. It makes me feel pretty rubbish though to be honest as I feel like he doesn’t want to spend time with me & that money means more to him then time with me. Plus I only work 4-5 days a week so I feel pretty lonely a lot of the time. Yes I have family & friends but they also have their own partners, work, kids etc so they aren’t always available. I crave time with him so much but he acts as if we get lots of time together as we live together & see each other every morning & night. It makes me question if he loves me like I love him. We’ve also talked about starting a family in the near future but as much as I’m ready for that, I don’t want to be bringing kids up alone & him never be around. We’ve been together 2 years by the way. Am I being unfair to want more time? What are your thoughts on this situation?
Do people work 7 days a week?! You stated that you met him while he has been working like this to begin with so you shouldn't be complaining now when you knew how it was when you met him. I think it's a choice he's making to work so many hours and 7 days a week.The fact that he had to make time at the beginning in order to even start dating you tells you that it is a choice that he's making.He made the time to start a relationship with you because that takes time so he had stopped working 7 days a week during the time of you guys dating...so it is possible for him to stop working so many hours but he chooses not to.It's probably time to end this relationship because it seems like it will not change.
Last edited by codergirl; 02-07-2020 at 12:47 PM..
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,737,988 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by codergirl
Do people work 7 days a week?! I don't buy that. I do know that some companies one works 6 days but to work 7 days a week without any time off?!! Isn't that against the law?
I would really dig into this more.It would make more sense if he owned his own business or something because some business owners do work 7 days a week but it sounds like he works for someone else and for him to be working 7 days a week without even 1 day off is suspect.
OP said this was between two different jobs. I have friends who can go for months between days off, because they work 2 or 3 jobs. I think it’s damn crazy and I’d rather be homeless than have that circumstance but to each their own.
OP, please do consider that he's just using you to split the rent.
In fact, I think that's why he's working seven days a week. He knows this isn't going to last -- may have even tried it with a previous GF who kicked him to the curb -- and he wants to make as much money as he can while the rent is cheap.
A man worthy of your love would not string you along or refuse to spend more time with you. He'd want to spend as much time with you as possible.
Some people are workaholics. They define their life by their work and these types of people are the ones that never consider retirement because they'd be lost without their work.
Any chance he is working so much to save up for a house or even kids? Might he be actually planning for the future? I know you mentioned he has a spending habit but does he save a lot more than he earns?
IMO I think he's potentially harming himself mentally and physically working 7 days a week. Some can keep up doing that without disastrous results and then there are those don't. But then he is still relatively young and could keep that up for another decade or so before he suffers burn-out.
I don't think you guys are a good fit in the long run and would be better off going your separate ways.
Some people are workaholics. They define their life by their work and these types of people are the ones that never consider retirement because they'd be lost without their work.
Think long and hard about this relationship.
Yep. This guy gets more out of working than he does from being with his girlfriend.
Wouldn’t surprise me if it’s a fairly social job with a fast pace and a high reward. There are probably women to flirt with and plenty of bro energy.
As with any addictive behavior, it will always be the top priority. Loved ones can’t win.
If this is who he is, then you’re really not in love with him. You love the idea of the guy and the potential you imagined. He isn’t it.
Don’t waste any more of your time than you have coming to this point. You won’t force him in to wanting anything he’s not comfortable with. He’s doing what he wants
Anyone working that many hours isn’t about “home”. They are about what’s surrounding them at work, That IS their life.
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