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Yes I agree & if he was in his early to mid 20s I would get that but at age 30 surely you realise people matter more then money.
Looking back on it from a much older age I disagree. 30 can still be still be very young (as in gotta go out and conquer the world) OP. Especially if he thinks he's just now hitting his stride in his chosen work.
OP spends a lot of time alone working from home and probably staying at home because her friends and family are “working” and such. Depending on her b/f for her livelihood isn’t going to bode well for either of them after a while.
Get off your butt and find a hobby, take a class, volunteer at a shelter, food bank, church. Guess what... you’ll meet people like yourself and probably make new friends. Make a life for yourself!
My husband has always worked hard. He isn’t happy unless he is. If he had a job that was more than 9-5:00, he would still find a project to keep his daylight hours full of something. When the kids were young he put the extra hours into them. There are worse things than having a hard working man.
The thing is, OP needs to have a fulfilled life, without depending upon someone else. She should try being too busy when he wants something.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts
My husband has always worked hard. He isn’t happy unless he is. If he had a job that was more than 9-5:00, he would still find a project to keep his daylight hours full of something. When the kids were young he put the extra hours into them. There are worse things than having a hard working man.
The thing is, OP needs to have a fulfilled life, without depending upon someone else. She should try being too busy when he wants something.
There is a distinct difference in being hard working and a workaholic. OP’s situation is a clear case of the latter. His work habits are clearly detrimental to this relationship.
Would he notice if you weren't there? How did you date if he was working so much? He isn't wrong for wanting to work so much and you aren't wrong for wanting to spend more time with him. I wouldn't suggest bringing children into the mix because the chances are he would still work all the time.... even if he said he would charge. You need to find things to do on your own that you enjoy. You also need to decide if you need to leave the relationship. Perhaps you should go to a counselor to discuss your feelings and maybe learn some ways to cope with feeling second to your bf's job.
Oh I cook him dinner most nights but he just reheats it when he gets home.
Yeah I know I do need to really consider if I can continue on with this, it’s just really hard when you love someone.
Love isn't enough. You love someone who's barely even there. It's almost like loving a dead person. Like Ellie said you're more in love with the idea of him and the potential you imagine than actually being in love with who he actually is.
I think maybe the big factor for you is you've put a lot of time and energy into this relationship and you don't want to let it go. But you'll need to if you want to find someone who's actually available. He isn't. And as other said, you shouldn't think he's going to change.
Last edited by mysticaltyger; 02-10-2020 at 07:47 PM..
I have a brother, Stephen, who is a workaholic. He will happily work 12 hour days for weeks, months on end. On average of about every 5 years, he will work himself into a state of exhaustion and he gets a flu. These flus are always bad and every time they require a full week in a hospital bed with IV antibiotics to get him through. Followed by a month of at-home recovery then he goes back to work.
Every time this has happened he promises to not work so hard. But five years later he is back in hospital.
In Stephens case, at 50 his health got so bad that he went onto SSDI. You can not treat your body like that without damaging it.
And so...again...why should she stay if this or some other rotten outcome is the most likely result????
Looking back on it from a much older age I disagree. 30 can still be still be very young (as in gotta go out and conquer the world) OP. Especially if he thinks he's just now hitting his stride in his chosen work.
Agreed.
Most women realize by 30 that relationships matter more than money because their bio clocks are kicking in. It's much different for most men.
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