What are some harsh truths you guys learned in regards to relationships? (married, woman)
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Exactly. I keep a comprehensive spreadsheet to track my bills and spending. The way I see it, if I were to suddenly settle down with the full slate of engagement, wedding, home mortgage, health insurance, pregnancy of wife within a few months, etc. then it would grossly overwhelm my spreadsheet. I would have to get a higher-grade consulting project - most likely in something like machine learning or artificial intelligence and market myself at about 30-50% more pay. In today's job market, it's not unrealistic to get a project like that. But those jobs are usually much more stressful. Meanwhile, homelife would get much more expensive too. Then the bills would pile up with engagement, wedding, mortgage, health insurance, babysitters, etc. I wonder how many couples truly look at those details? Probably not as much as there should be - hence divorces tend to spike around Valentine's Day.
To be fair, a reasonably successful marriage is possible - but it would take a lot of careful planning and reasonable compatibility of the couple in many dimensions: parenthood style, politics, education, athleticism (or not), religion, in-laws, etc. I admire the couples who are somehow able to go the distance into elderly stages of life and stay married despite all the hidden variables of difficulty that can pop up.
True. Its just not the 50s (and earlier) anymore when marriage was pretty much a requirement. I understand why most people did it back then and I think it was mutually beneficial. Gender roles were entrenched and men and women needed each other, practically to survive.
I guess some people still do the gender role thing and enjoy being interdependent on a spouse. I mean I like to cook, I take care of my house, I could see plugging the right guy in here, if he was easy company and contributed something.
But I can already imagine the "complications." Most people arent that easy or low maintenance. I'd pay for it one way or another.
Perhaps its jaded, but its just what I have experienced too many times for it to be coincidence.
Or you can just fall in love, pool your resources and go for broke. That works too. No planning, no shared opinions or background or interests, just being on the same page on the stuff that matters, honesty, love, finances , life style, kids. Lots of compromises. Letting each other be themselves. A willingness and desire to overcome obstacles and stick it out.
Love is a man made word used for marketing purposes.. the fuzzy feelings you get early on are simply lust combined with the excitement of meeting someone new..
There is no unconditional “love” outside of parent child relationships..whatever what people want to call love is is very fleeting and people change all the time and fall out of that feeling..it isn’t special it’s just a term used to market and it’s good because it keeps the traditional family structure together buys in reality it doesn’t mean much..
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,920,441 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg78
Love is a man made word used for marketing purposes.. the fuzzy feelings you get early on are simply lust combined with the excitement of meeting someone new..
There is no unconditional “love” outside of parent child relationships..whatever what people want to call love is is very fleeting and people change all the time and fall out of that feeling..it isn’t special it’s just a term used to market and it’s good because it keeps the traditional family structure together buys in reality it doesn’t mean much..
Also people are inherently selfish..
How do you explain connections where those same feelings, or stronger ones, are there for decades?
Good luck with any man who tried to pull that nonsense with the women in my family.
In a healthy and well-balanced relationship, the people within it help to guide one another.
RIght? My parents will be celebrating their 60th anniversary this summer. If at any point in their relationship my dad had tried to mold my mother into something that she was not, they wouldn't be "celebrating" that milestone.
Even though I'm single, I'm really lucky that I have parents who were a true model of what a good relationship is. They respect each other; they like each other; and they've always be a united front and a team.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,920,441 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
RIght? My parents will be celebrating their 60th anniversary this summer. If at any point in their relationship my dad had tried to mold my mother into something that she was not, they wouldn't be "celebrating" that milestone.
Even though I'm single, I'm really lucky that I have parents who were a real model of what a good relationship is. They respect each other; they like each other; and they've always be a united front and a team.
RIght? My parents will be celebrating their 60th anniversary this summer. If at any point in their relationship my dad had tried to mold my mother into something that she was not, they wouldn't be "celebrating" that milestone.
Even though I'm single, I'm really lucky that I have parents who were a true model of what a good relationship is. They respect each other; they like each other; and they've always be a united front and a team.
I didn't say anything about 'molding her into something she's not'. I would expect a husband to choose a woman who shares his values. He should seek his wife's counsel but I think a man should be the moral authority in his household and lead his family. And of course, couples ought to respect and like one another, and be united. That goes without saying. But I think you'd have a hard time making the case that male-female relations or our families are stronger today than they were 60 years ago.
But I'm curious why you feel really lucky. Though you believe your parents offered you such an ideal model, you're still single at your age.
You cannot count on another person. But you can count on extra work/effort to keep that person around/interested.
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