Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Thank you for the advice. Well I consider it an achievement if I can get the stuff done I need to do, and if I dont start weirdly stalking him or chasing him irl. So far, he should have no idea about this.
So I consider myself achieving what needs to be done. Quitting thinking about it entirely or quitting posting here (even if I just move over to my blog) might be further down the line.
What I posted:
“I don’t get people who don’t have their FB set on “private” and then post all of their controversial opinions.”
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla
If your Facebook profle is set to "private" only people on your friend list can see what you post. The things you post on your Facebook page won't come up in a general search on the internet. Only your name and profile picture come up.
Thanks for agreeing, yes set on private means it won’t be found with a search.
People think they can post the most controversial things, leave it out there “public” and then say things like: “That’s just my FB persona.” Forreal, I’ve heard it, at least have your FB persona be positive and likable or expect negative reactions you may never know about. (Not you personally).
.... But he didnt ask me out on a date, or drink, which should have been the next step. ...
Says who? We don't get to decide how and when other people behave.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
... found his linkedin, ...
He knows you looked, since LinkedIn sends alerts when someone does.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
...Now I wonder if I'm being creepy ...
Maybe a little.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
I'm not going to pursue things now because I think he's definitely out of my league. ... I am thinking now that he must have tons of options, ....
How do you know you are not one of those options?
Men with "tons of options" will not pounce on every cute woman they see, and will likely take their time about it if they choose to (and simple flirting via text is probably not enough to motivate him).
Says who? We don't get to decide how and when other people behave.
He knows you looked, since LinkedIn sends alerts when someone does.
I forgot about that.
A couple weeks ago I actually got a notification from "mylife" that someone pulled my profile. Who knows, maybe he's researching me too. It doesnt bother me though, if its him.
Quote:
Maybe a little.
Quote:
How do you know you are not one of those options?
Men with "tons of options" will not pounce on every cute woman they see, and will likely take their time about it if they choose to (and simple flirting via text is probably not enough to motivate him).
I thought he was/is acting kind of interested. I was gazing into his eyes and he seemed to get nervous and started dropping things, maybe blushing. Then next time we saw each other he was gazing into my eyes and asking random stuff like he just was trying to extend the conversation.
Thats when I should have gazed back, maybe stood closer to him a bit more than normal, smiled. That might have encouraged him to ask, but I was being kind of aloof.
Since you were doing business together the LinkedIn lookup was legit.
Maybe he is working up the courage -- a lot of men can be pretty dense and slow about that, even if they know there is interest. Just don't sell yourself short by assuming he is out of your league.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
I forgot about that.
A couple weeks ago I actually got a notification from "mylife" that someone pulled my profile. Who knows, maybe he's researching me too. It doesnt bother me though, if its him.
I thought he was/is acting kind of interested. I was gazing into his eyes and he seemed to get nervous and started dropping things, maybe blushing. Then next time we saw each other he was gazing into my eyes and asking random stuff like he just was trying to extend the conversation.
Thats when I should have gazed back, maybe stood closer to him a bit more than normal, smiled. That might have encouraged him to ask, but I was being kind of aloof.
I get curious. When social media became a thing, I went looking for every person out of my past whose full name I could recall. I think it's cool that my first crush ended up becoming a fighter pilot. I see no issue with looking at info that's just out there. I do stop short of paying for it. And I don't let people know, in general, that I've done this. Though if we've been together a while and we both seem really comfortable with one another, I might.
I told my fiance that I was kind of impressed actually, he's got a very small internet footprint. He revealed to me before the first time we ever had sex, that he'd lied about his age by some 3 years on a site where we met (not an OLD site) and that was due to paranoia about PII and identity theft. OK, well, he's an older guy (early 60s now) and I am not surprised that despite being fairly tech savvy, he's still a bit more cautious than some of the younger set. Hell, it's better than the old folks who are overly trusting and fall prey to scams, like his father did. He doesn't do FB or other social media, he doesn't like the idea of having real name, face, real age, town of residence, all right there for someone to access. I get that. My FB profile is locked down pretty tight, privacy-wise, though I'm mostly there for the cat videos. Thing is, the last thing I need is to RSVP on some "Kinky Circus Bonanza" event or an adult class I'm teaching or something and my coworkers or boss sees it...nah. While I tend to know better, I figure it's better safe than sorry.
I'll repeat one rule I've got for myself regarding internet snoopery though...never USE information that was not given freely to you. If you find a phone number or email you didn't have, don't use it to contact someone who isn't responding via the means they gave you to reach them. If you find out where his Mom lives, do not go hide in the bushes. lol!
Moongirl, the main thing is, when you decide to let someone go, you do at that point gotta let 'em go. The only time that internet snooping has become a bad thing for me, was when I was fussy and didn't want to let something go that was clearly ending, and I'd poke the sore spot I had for that guy, by looking at videos of him singing or...you know, feeding that mental "addiction" of thinking about him when I needed to get over him. Not a matter of whether it's creepy, it isn't good for you.
Out of curiosity, I will look and see if someone is on LinkedIn or FB but I don't get obsessive about it. The guy I am seeing now isn't big on social media and he answered my questions up front so I didn't worry about any deception on his part. It was quite refreshing
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,592,265 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
There had beena couple of women on dating sites...suprisngly, they'd use their full name in their screen name. Like "JPeterson222"
And she'd have "Julie" in the description. Julie Peterson.
I had seen a few on Mugshots.com Usually DUI record, one was possession ofcontrolled substances. Their mugshot plain as day. Good red flag there.
Also, if someone is taking all selfies of their face or all angle shots...you can clear that up by finding more pics on their FB. I confirmd a woman was obese, even though her angle shots made her look thinner.
Most everybody on dating sites does video to confirm right away tho.............I wouldn't have wasted my time with any man that wouldn't..........
O.P.....IMO doing research on them or asking for ways to confirm they are who they say they are is totally normal BUT........I'd ask instead of just doing it..........& usually you don't have their real name right away anyways.............
I'm not going to pursue things now because I think he's definitely out of my league. He's very accomplished. So I guess its better to know that before? I am thinking now that he must have tons of options, especially with the girls on his base that he must see in the commissary every day. Possibly even a girlfriend there.
So is it ok to google people and find their social media and linkedin? Or should we resist the temptation?
I would not assume that he is out of your league. I have dated extremely smart guys and had no idea why they liked me (besides the obvious). Don't get discouraged, he may be interested.
Girls on his base? There are more pretty women off base IMO.
Since you were doing business together the LinkedIn lookup was legit.
Maybe he is working up the courage -- a lot of men can be pretty dense and slow about that, even if they know there is interest. Just don't sell yourself short by assuming he is out of your league.
Thank you, that is very sweet of you to say. I will be patient, if it turns out he is just working up some courage or can't ask me out right now for whatever reason. I haven't completely given up hope yet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
I get curious. When social media became a thing, I went looking for every person out of my past whose full name I could recall. I think it's cool that my first crush ended up becoming a fighter pilot. I see no issue with looking at info that's just out there. I do stop short of paying for it. And I don't let people know, in general, that I've done this. Though if we've been together a while and we both seem really comfortable with one another, I might.
I told my fiance that I was kind of impressed actually, he's got a very small internet footprint. He revealed to me before the first time we ever had sex, that he'd lied about his age by some 3 years on a site where we met (not an OLD site) and that was due to paranoia about PII and identity theft. OK, well, he's an older guy (early 60s now) and I am not surprised that despite being fairly tech savvy, he's still a bit more cautious than some of the younger set. Hell, it's better than the old folks who are overly trusting and fall prey to scams, like his father did. He doesn't do FB or other social media, he doesn't like the idea of having real name, face, real age, town of residence, all right there for someone to access. I get that. My FB profile is locked down pretty tight, privacy-wise, though I'm mostly there for the cat videos. Thing is, the last thing I need is to RSVP on some "Kinky Circus Bonanza" event or an adult class I'm teaching or something and my coworkers or boss sees it...nah. While I tend to know better, I figure it's better safe than sorry.
I'll repeat one rule I've got for myself regarding internet snoopery though...never USE information that was not given freely to you. If you find a phone number or email you didn't have, don't use it to contact someone who isn't responding via the means they gave you to reach them. If you find out where his Mom lives, do not go hide in the bushes. lol!
Moongirl, the main thing is, when you decide to let someone go, you do at that point gotta let 'em go. The only time that internet snooping has become a bad thing for me, was when I was fussy and didn't want to let something go that was clearly ending, and I'd poke the sore spot I had for that guy, by looking at videos of him singing or...you know, feeding that mental "addiction" of thinking about him when I needed to get over him. Not a matter of whether it's creepy, it isn't good for you.
Good advice right there. Maybe the don't ask, don't tell policy is best. I mean, most of us probably do some snooping on our secret crushes or upcoming dates, but who's telling...
Quote:
Originally Posted by mlj1225
Out of curiosity, I will look and see if someone is on LinkedIn or FB but I don't get obsessive about it. The guy I am seeing now isn't big on social media and he answered my questions up front so I didn't worry about any deception on his part. It was quite refreshing
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh
Most everybody on dating sites does video to confirm right away tho.............I wouldn't have wasted my time with any man that wouldn't..........
O.P.....IMO doing research on them or asking for ways to confirm they are who they say they are is totally normal BUT........I'd ask instead of just doing it..........& usually you don't have their real name right away anyways.............
Right? If I meet someone online I will keep this in mind. Don't like catfishes. Thankfully I have seen this guy face to face a few times now so no video evidence is needed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
I would not assume that he is out of your league. I have dated extremely smart guys and had no idea why they liked me (besides the obvious). Don't get discouraged, he may be interested.
Girls on his base? There are more pretty women off base IMO.
I hadn't thought of that, but, yeah, they are probably pretty butchy, right?
Thank you so much, I appreciate that! I won't get discouraged yet. Maybe things are just stewing a bit.
Its still early.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
What I posted:
“I don’t get people who don’t have their FB set on “private” and then post all of their controversial opinions.”
Thanks for agreeing, yes set on private means it won’t be found with a search.
People think they can post the most controversial things, leave it out there “public” and then say things like: “That’s just my FB persona.” Forreal, I’ve heard it, at least have your FB persona be positive and likable or expect negative reactions you may never know about. (Not you personally).
I agree, not too wise a choice, right there.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
