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IDK. Breaking a lease isn't unlawful. Would that kind of stuff even be on there? I might say, "oh, you looked me up. I looked you up, too, just as a safety measure. So, now that we know we're both clean, can we go have fun? "
Honestly, I don't know. I think to some extent, you can catch red flags, or yellow flags, by observing someone carefully, noting the vibe, tone of voice, all manner of non-verbal communication. I've never done OLD, so I don't know what I'd do. I could speculate, but I don't think that would be helpful to anyone. You don't know what you'd do until you're in the situation.
Trust your gut and instincts when you meet face to face.
Remember you can be anyone you want over the internet. (There's even a song about that)
Just go up to the guy and ask him if he's married. If he says no then ask him to go out for coffee.
You're crushing on this guy so just get it over with else next you'll be following him.
I think she's asking for feedback, to decide whether to de-crush on him, or not. She seems to have decided pretty much, anyway. And he didn't take any initiative to turn the work relationship personal after she flirted with him, so it seems he's not interested for whatever reason. Maybe he's being professional, by not mixing work and pleasure. Maybe he has a gf. Maybe she's just not his type or maybe he knows she's older than him, so he's not into that, or maybe it's as the OP said; he's very accomplished and is high up in his field, and feels that because of that, they're in different leagues. It happens. Who knows?
But if someone fails to respond to clear overtures, I think a good policy is to honor that, and move on. I think that's a very safe bet re: the right thing to do.
I think she's asking for feedback, to decide whether to de-crush on him, or not. She seems to have decided pretty much, anyway. And he didn't take any initiative to turn the work relationship personal after she flirted with him, so it seems he's not interested for whatever reason. Maybe he's being professional, by not mixing work and pleasure. Maybe he has a gf. Maybe she's just not his type or maybe he knows she's older than him, so he's not into that, or maybe it's as the OP said; he's very accomplished and is high up in his field, and feels that because of that, they're in different leagues. It happens. Who knows?
But if someone fails to respond to clear overtures, I think a good policy is to honor that, and move on. I think that's a very safe bet re: the right thing to do.
Yeah, pretty much this. I am trying to de-crush, not that we can really control how we feel about someone.
Yeah, pretty much this. I am trying to de-crush, not that we can really control how we feel about someone.
Step One would be to stop posting about him, here or anywhere.
You can control how often you think of someone, which helps tamp down the "feelings" you have. When you think of him, force yourself to think of something else. It's not a big mystery.
Step One would be to stop posting about him, here or anywhere.
You can control how often you think of someone, which helps tamp down the "feelings" you have. When you think of him, force yourself to think of something else. It's not a big mystery.
All right. I also have ocd though which makes it hard to control obsessive thoughts, and compulsions.
I dont really want to argue about it. Believe it or not I attempt to manage things the best way I know how. To me a forum like this is a good grounding tool. If I didnt obsess about it here I would somewhere else. Might even act on it in real life which I have managed to not do, thank goodness. Apart from that night I stalked him on the street. But so far, so good. I havent bothered him or made a fool of myself irl.
I dont really want to argue about it. Believe it or not I attempt to manage things the best way I know how. To me a forum like this is a good grounding tool. If I didnt obsess about it here I would somewhere else. Might even act on it in real life which I have managed to not do, thank goodness. Apart from that night I stalked him on the street. But so far, so good. I havent bothered him or made a fool of myself irl.
Aren't you in your 40s?
At some point, when you KNOW the issue, it's on you to do the best you can to deal with the issue. To me, that includes recognizing when doing something is helping or actually just the issue in disguise.
I've dealt with obsessive thinking before, and you have to completely change your behaviors when you're trying to stop.
"Obsessing about it here" is still obsessing about it. It's not helping you.
At some point, when you KNOW the issue, it's on you to do the best you can to deal with the issue. To me, that includes recognizing when doing something is helping or actually just the issue in disguise.
I've dealt with obsessive thinking before, and you have to completely change your behaviors when you're trying to stop.
"Obsessing about it here" is still obsessing about it. It's not helping you.
I dont know, you cant just go up to a heroin addict and say "Just stop doing heroin right now." I mean, they have probably tried to stop. Its a bigger problem than just willpower. I have a dx condition.
I dont know, you cant just go up to a heroin addict and say "Just stop doing heroin right now." I mean, they have probably tried to stop. Its a bigger problem than just willpower. I have a dx condition.
Sure, but you can say, "Hey, maybe stop hanging out at the flophouse with all the other heroin addicts."
Like I said, step one ...
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