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I’ve been dating someone exclusively for nine months. He’s a very good physical condition even though he is almost 70 years old. While I am substantially younger than him by almost 8 years I’ve always struggled with my weight. Although I’m still in the normal range a fluctuate 10 to 15 pounds which makes a difference. He is always strictly stress to me exercising more and he’s really athletic person I enjoy walking in some light exercises but I’m not the kind of person to go to the gym. I’ve been trying to lose weight for several months I’ve got up and down maybe 8 pounds. Because of the quarantining I’ve been working from home and probably eating a bit more than normal so I’ve put on a few pounds the other day he said something to me in the middle of us having sex that I could use my exercise. It just came out of the blue.
Even though I know it’s probably true and I know he wants me to be healthy I’ll never be a skinny person and I felt like saying to him if he’s looking for that I’m not the right one. I know he loves me and I do love him but does he really need to talk like that? I believe maybe this came from an incident in my family that happened the day before even though it wasn’t my fault and he knows that he was perhaps having a grudge.
I should add that when we’re sitting down in the morning I saw an ad for a handbag that I liked for Mother’s Day. I indicated that maybe my kids would buy it for me for Mother’s Day. About an hour later when he was getting his things ready to leave I heard of him say under his breath “oh now it’s Mother’s Day“.
Finally I noticed that he has been remarking about other things not too much in fact sometimes he keeps on telling me I’m so beautiful and so nice etc. etc. he loves me so much. However the other day I got out of the shower and started brushing my hair in the back and I asked him what he was doing and he said I had knots in the back of my hair so I should let him brush it. Found this kind of annoying although I didn’t really stop him I wasn’t really happy with it it’s kind of weird and I’m wondering if he’s a control freak.
Doesn't sound good at all. It sounds like it's getting toxic. Let me guess, you have nothing bad to say about him and accept him as he is. He, on the other hand, has advice just because he cares about you?
No actually that recently I have been remarking to him in a nice way which concerned me like so opinionated and sometimes he only talks and listens to himself. Again I did it in a fun kind of way and I don’t think he was really insulted. However even this is different than telling me in the middle of having sex that I need more exercise.
Speaking as an 'older person', I think you should run for the hills. You will probably never meet his expectations, and IMO, shouldn't have to.
We all know we kind of get stuck in our ways, as we get older. YOU don't want to reinvent your life, and he's always going to be opinionated and vocal about what HE thinks is right.
Let him go. I don't think he's going to make you a happy person, in the long run.
It does seem a little odd. He is "strict" about telling you to exercise? Is he your dad? He starts brushing your hair for you because he doesn't think it looks good, then when you ask him why, insists on continuing to do it like he doesn't think you'd do a good job if you took over? (I could see it if he said "did you know your hair had knots in the back?" because you might not know, and then you can take care of it, but to just start doing it and keep on... strange.)
Look, I get it. Some people who are big into working out think it's really important, etc. and so they may encourage people around them to do it But this can go too far. And if you're concerned about your weight and he knows it, he may want to help with advice. But this can go too far. And if you happen to complain about it a lot but don't take measures to try to fix it, I can see where it would be annoying, but, still not his place to insist on it.
As you said, if he wants someone who works out more, his option is to find someone who's already like that, not try to change you.
I don't know if you should "run in the other direction," but I think it's time for the two of you to have a long talk.
If this guy is still angling to move in together, stick to your guns and don't do it if these behaviors and off-hand comments bother you as much as they seem to do.
His comment during sex also helps to explain why he's twice divorced.
My husband is an exercise freak but as he’s aged he has started struggling with his weight a little. He occasionally tells me I need to do weight training or not eat this or that. He used to tell me that I needed a haircut or to use moisturizer, etc.
Since my weight has been consistent for the past decade, five pounds over or under my set point without making special effort, I just roll my eyes and make ugly faces at him. I’m not the one who binges on ice cream and chips for weeks on end.
Last fall I stopped getting my hair cut because I lost contact with my hairdresser who had moved to another salon. He fussed, so I told him I was growing it out for the winter. Now with the quarantine, my hair is really long and nice. He has shut up about it.
Bottom line, if your partner is a PITA about certain aspects of your appearance that you are okay with, then tell him to cut it out. It’s your body. Be humorously firm. Don’t let him manipulate you. It gets tiresome.
From what you have said, I would say there is no future in the relationship. He wants a lady in prime physical shape; that, for whatever reason is very important to him and is unlikely to change.
He just sounds too critical.
Good luck to you!
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