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Yesterday I proposed to her. It was the best day of my life. I bought the best ring the best I could buy. We had a whole day in the hotel for us. I have no doubt I want to marry her.
Today we visited her parents. They were happy with our engagement. They said at the beginning they had been skeptical because we have an age gap, but now they will treat me like family. They urged us to get married and have children as soon as possible because I shouldn't be worried. They will help us financially and help take care of our children.
OP, I'm happy for you with these happy news. BUT:
I urge you not to give in to this pressure (I'm sure they don't consider it as "pressure", but as a kind "offer") to start a family so soon. You're not even married yet, for heaven's sake!
Please review the earlier part of the thread, to review your reasons for postponing the baby-making. You came around to agreeing with us, that you should complete your education first. These people seem to think, that all obstacles can be surmounted with money, but this isn't about money!
To recap:
Babies, especially newborns, are demanding and EXHAUSTING! You'll see! It doesn't matter how much baby care your fiancee/wife says she'll do! There will be plenty of work for both of you! There will be crying, demands to be fed, to be diaper-changed, to be held and played with. The mom can't do that 'round the clock; she'll need you to take over for a few hours, so she can have a break. Meanwhile, you'll be trying to apply yourself to your studies. Please don't forget that! Your future depends on your doing well in your studies. Babies are a huge distraction, as are toddlers.
Don't talk to us about the joys of fatherhood, how cute the little babies are, etc. etc. Keep your mind on your studies until you finish! You and she already agreed to this. Stick with the agreement. Ask her to be understanding of your need to get off on a solid footing, professionally. I hope to high heaven she doesn't respond, "Don't worry! My parents and I can help with the expenses." That is the WRONG ANSWER! It completely overlooks your needs. Money does not solve everything.
OP, I know you're feeling swept away with the joy and romance of it all right now, but I'm worried about you. PLEASE stay focussed on your studies and your career track. Don't let her parents pressure you, either. Of course they want grandchildren. They'll get them, if they'll just be patient. Remember, one reason you proposed, was because your fiancee agreed with your need to wait just a bit. Stand your ground in that regard.
Good luck! Don't allow yourself to get carried away with the engagement/wedding/baby juggernaut.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 05-24-2020 at 10:23 AM..
I urge you not to give in to this pressure (I'm sure they don't consider it as "pressure", but as a kind "offer") to start a family so soon. You're not even married yet, for heaven's sake!
Please review the earlier part of the thread, to review your reasons for postponing the baby-making. You came around to agreeing with us, that you should complete your education first. These people seem to think, that all obstacles can be resolved with money, but this isn't about money!
To recap:
Babies, especially newborns, are demanding and EXHAUSTING! You'll see! It doesn't matter how much baby care your fiancee/wife says she'll do! There will be plenty of work for both of you! There will be crying, demands to be fed, to be diaper-changed, to be held and played with. The mom can't do that 'round the clock; she'll need you to take over for a few hours, so she can have a break. Meanwhile, you'll be trying to apply yourself to your studies. Please don't forget that! Your future depends on your doing well in your studies. Babies are a huge distraction, as are toddlers.
Don't talk to us about the joys of fatherhood, how cute the little babies are, etc. etc. Keep your mind on your studies until you finish! You and she already agreed to this. Stick with the agreement. Ask her to be understanding of your need to get off on a solid footing, professionally. I hope to high heaven she doesn't respond, "Don't worry! My parents and I can help with the expenses." That is the WRONG ANSWER! It completely overlooks your needs. Money does not solve everything.
OP, I know you're feeling swept away with the joy and romance of it all right now, but I'm worried about you. PLEASE stay focussed on your studies and your career track. Don't let her parents pressure you, either. Of course they want grandchildren. They'll get them, if they'll just be patient. Remember, one reason you proposed, was because your fiancee agreed with your need to wait just a bit. Stand your ground in that regard.
Good luck! Don't allow yourself to get carried away with the engagement/wedding/baby juggernaut.
Great comments Ruth!
I’m curious where his parents are in all of this.
IMO, this whole situation screams of manipulation and influence and not allowing this young man agency over his own life.
I’m curious where his parents are in all of this.
IMO, this whole situation screams of manipulation and influence and not allowing this young man agency over his own life.
Very succinctly put. Bingo! It's weird, and doesn't bode well for their future as a couple, that the gf and her parents think they can bulldoze through any issues the OP might raise, by throwing money at him. Kind of offensive, actually. (Yes, OP, I know they think they mean well.) But I wouldn't want to see the OP's career development hobbled for life, just because his fiancee/wife and her parents are encouraging him to become dependent on them. Really?? Is that actually OK??!
Well, I'll stop there, before I end up reaching through the computer screen, to shake some sense into the OP.
Well, if a 32 year old guy were on the point of marrying his 23 year old girlfriend and starting a family, none of you would be giving this a second glance.
Women's lives are ruled by biology in a way that men's simply aren't.
Yesterday I proposed to her. It was the best day of my life. I bought the best ring the best I could buy. We had a whole day in the hotel for us. I have no doubt I want to marry her.
Today we visited her parents. They were happy with our engagement. They said at the beginning they had been skeptical because we have an age gap, but now they will treat me like family. They urged us to get married and have children as soon as possible because I shouldn't be worried. They will help us financially and help take care of our children.
Congratulations. I wish you much happiness together.
We talk about getting married. We have huge chemistry and she is financially well being
At 32 she still looks "young" but will age much faster than you do in the coming years. That's just the nature of middle age. Would you still want to be with her if you are 33 and she is 42 while a 21 year old intern has the hots for you at work? I've seen that scenario at work many times - older men in their 30s and 40s whose feelings for older wives fade while they start having emotional or physical affairs with much younger women at work. There was one woman of about age 25 having several emotional affairs with older male managers in about their late 40s.
I doubt you would still like her ten years from now. I find it hard to believe. Just avoid it and move on. Get the financial security and career going. The pandemic is not a good time to rush into marriage given than millions are out of work and the healthcare system is in crisis. It's a challenge to start a new family right now.
So now, none of this passes the sniff test. We are suppose to believe after living together and being together for four years, after she claims she will support you and wants to have your baby, and then only after you propose does she suddenly get suspicious and finds your e-mails with a young girl of 18. Yeah right.
Well if any of this is now supposed to still be believed to be real, and not just some one hand on the keyboard warrior passing time, then I would say congratulations; count your blessings.
Now go have yourself a full life before you settle down and when the time is right have children with someone age appropriate. And next time you encounter a cougar just stick to mounting it once before adding it to your trophy case. Whatever you do don't let it sink its teeth into you and get the youth killing death grip on you like ol' grandma what's her drying eggs did.
If any of this is true, you likely have yet to realize how lucky you are to escape her clutches with just a few claw marks across your heart. Lesson should now be learned and school is now out. Get on and have yourself a life.
Last edited by GhostOfAndrewJackson; 05-31-2020 at 06:56 PM..
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Really?? Is that actually OK??!
