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So if you had a baby, would you be the primary caregiver while she works? Have you talked about what your plan would be financially?
Agree. Have you considered that she might want to take time off work before and after the baby, and does she for sure want to go back to work once the baby is born? Someone has to take care of this baby. Will that be you, then? Full time?
Having a baby will be a life long commitment for you. Make sure you are really ready and not having any second thoughts. Don't do this just for her. Don't do it just to keep her. Have you two at least talked about getting married, or talked about any other long term future plans to be together?
Agree. Have you considered that she might want to take time off work before and after the baby, and does she for sure want to go back to work once the baby is born? Someone has to take care of this baby. Will that be you, then? Full time?
Having a baby will be a life long commitment for you. Make sure you are really ready and not having any second thoughts. Don't do this just for her. Don't do it just to keep her. Have you two at least talked about getting married, or talked about any other long term future plans to be together?
These are really good points, OP. Have you two worked out a schedule for who would take care of the baby when?
Does your country allow extended baby leave for the mother, with pay? If so, problem solved! If not, are you ready to give up your studies at least temporarily, to take care of the baby? Do you know how to take care of babies? And what happens, if she takes a 6 month baby leave or 1 year, or however much her employer allows, but after that, she has to go back to work. How will you take care of the baby while going to class and doing coursework? Even if she's caring for the baby, she can't do it 'round the clock. She'll need sleep. Are you ok with getting up at midnight, and 3 a.m. to feed the baby?
No. Just say no! I would say tell her to get a pet but she doesn't sound responsible to take care of an animal. The fact that she is overlooking your age and economic status is a red flag for CRAZYYYY! Run forest run! Don't you want to develop a career, get an education, learn how to plan for your future?
We talk about getting married. We have huge chemistry and she is financially well being
How is YOUR financial well-being? If it's not so good, does she want to be financially-responsible for *two* kids?
Quote:
Originally Posted by turf3
Don't have a child or commingle your finances till you're married.
The line about biological clock is BS. My aunt had two children well past age 40, in the 1950s.
Get married first, then start a family. If she won't do that, then keep your raincoat on.
I wouldn't want kids much past 30. My parents were in their 30s... odd to know people older than me whose parents were younger than mine. Nor would I want to be chasing toddlers around when too old, or end up being one of those people who has to put off their retirement because that's when the kid is going to college. I absolutely understand why she wants to get this started ASAP, even if I don't think it's going to work out well with the age gap.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
And she was 28, which is odd. Stranger things have happened and they may be the most functional couple ever, but when I was 28 I couldn't have imagined dating a guy barely out of his teens.
And I can't imagine a guy barely in his 20s being happy in a few years that he settled down right away and had one or more kids, either...
Quote:
Originally Posted by GhostOfAndrewJackson
OP,
You are simply at different places in life and at different stages of life. It is simply time to change the nature of your relationship and part company on an amicable basis. It is no one's fault, no one is at blame, but you are on different trajectories in life, and though you may walk the same path in life, your time on that path is in the distant future, while her time on that path is now. Mature adults would recognize this and respond accordingly.
Consider there are roughly 4 billion other woman on the planet; there is no one woman for you, but many such women, just as for her there are many men.
Op, you are entitled to a life, a chance to test your mettle and truly learn who you are; it is hard to to do that when the yoke of parental responsibility is fastened to you and forces its shape on you before you ever were allowed to grow into your true form. Walk away, amicably, and with love and go have yourself a life and maturing at your natural rate rather than having someone else's biological clock mold your life for you.
OP, one more thing. I suggest you make a new post, add in some details and post it as a poll. I think the results of said poll might prove enlightening to you. You don't know what you don't know. Youth cannot compensate for lack of the decades of experience many of us in this forum have from not only our personal lives but the decades of experience we have had in observing the relationships of others. I think such a poll might give you pause.
All of this. And, to put the shoe on the other foot, she is entitled to a life where she has kids if she wants them and not too late, with someone else's biological youth not molding her life for her. IOW, it will be very hard to compromise about this.
"Age is just a number" to an extent... but there are life stages and milestones in life that can be difficult to mesh together in practice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
These are really good points, OP. Have you two worked out a schedule for who would take care of the baby when?
Does your country allow extended baby leave for the mother, with pay? If so, problem solved! If not, are you ready to give up your studies at least temporarily, to take care of the baby? Do you know how to take care of babies? And what happens, if she takes a 6 month baby leave or 1 year, or however much her employer allows, but after that, she has to go back to work. How will you take care of the baby while going to class and doing coursework? Even if she's caring for the baby, she can't do it 'round the clock. She'll need sleep. Are you ok with getting up at midnight, and 3 a.m. to feed the baby?
...as you should anyway, since it's also your baby...
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