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At least get a complimentary cut and color before you dump him. Since salons have been closed for so long due to lock downs...
But seriously, you'll have to ask him what kind of fitness activities does he enjoy doing, and how often does he do them? I don't think this is all about just working out in a gym. Some people are very active and athletic and they would prefer having a partner who can go do these things with them. It can even be a deal breaker for this guy, if you are not able, or don't have enough free time, or don't care to... do these things with him as often as he does. Talk to him about it, see what he is expecting.
Well, I don't know. He said he understood that I was invested in work but he mentioned he would like me to work out more...
Oh dear. Oh, no. One does not get to dictate what one's SO's hobbies are. One does not get to expect an SO to change for them when they have always known what one is like.
Quote:
Originally Posted by awayfromnow
I don't know, I guess he would like us to have the same priorities (aka exercising a lot) ?
Have you tried suggesting the things you would like him to take up/do more of? Would be very interesting...
I am just asking because I never dated someone who exercised that much before and I just wanted to know if other people shared the same lifestyle as he does, and could help me understand his expectations
Well, I don't know. He said he understood that I was invested in work but he mentioned he would like me to work out more...
We've been together for less than a month, so it's still early to know if it's a deal-breaker for now
I can understand the entire situation very well. I too am attracted to skinny women and I also workout often. Quite probably more than your current bf. I've also been a Vegetarian for over a whole decade now, so I get that aspect and what you mean when you describe your body type and metabolism.
Idk where you live but in my experience it's virtually impossible to meet Veggie/Vegan women. As far as working out goes, that wouldn't be a significant factor for me because no disrespect, it's easy to exercise with other people if you're unavailable. You know hitting the gym, going on a long bike ride, playing tennis or a round of golf, whatever it may be.
Based on what little I know about you, you sound pretty phenomenal and definitely my type. I also have a ton of respect for medical field workers. Idk where your type of women hangout but I can't seem to ever locate you. Anyway send me a DM on here or inbox me your number. I'm interested! The only deal breaker for me would be if we're far apart in age. Other than that, you check all the boxes of what I'm always looking for but can't seem to ever find. Take care.
If you had time on your hands, which you don't, you could look through all the posts I have ever made on City-Data and I guarantee you will not find a single instance of me suggesting the following, but I'm doing it now:
Dump this dopey dude.
He may "seem nice" (I think he sounds fussy), but trust me, as one who also dated a body builder/gym rat in my youth, at some point he is going to make some very specific comments of things he'd like you to have, such as "You know, honey, it would be really cool if you could get that line down the side of your leg like athletic girls have" or something similar that will actually require you to spend a lot of time in the gym.
You have better things to do and smarter men to meet.
If you had time on your hands, which you don't, you could look through all the posts I have ever made on City-Data and I guarantee you will not find a single instance of me suggesting the following, but I'm doing it now:
Dump this dopey dude.
He may "seem nice" (I think he sounds fussy), but trust me, as one who also dated a body builder/gym rat in my youth, at some point he is going to make some very specific comments of things he'd like you to have, such as "You know, honey, it would be really cool if you could get that line down the side of your leg like athletic girls have" or something similar that will actually require you to spend a lot of time in the gym.
You have better things to do and smarter men to meet.
But yeah, get a nice haircut from him first.
^This.
Look, there's nothing wrong with him wanting to be with someone who's as into fitness at he is. What *is* wrong, OP, is him thinking he gets to change you, rather than simply finding someone who's already what he's looking for.
He said he was attracted to me because I am slender and that he appreciates that I eat healthily
But I don't know if that's enough
Sounds like you are worried about pleasing him. You don't have to please him. I doubt he is contemplating if he should work longer hours and work out less in order to please you.
Come on. You're already fabulous. If the two of you aren't a good fit, it's better that things fizzle.
If he's well-rounded and well-read enough to capture and keep your interest, I would ignore his job, salary and education unless he embarrasses you with improper grammar or something of that nature. You might be passing up a real gem, so on this point alone, I'd give it a chance.
There are people who enjoy staying in and others who always have to be on the go. If you're not compatible in this way, it's going to be a struggle. Sometimes you can meet in the middle where the less active person is open to going with whatever the more adventurous one wants to do, and the go-getter is willing to sit home a few nights a week.
But these are things that require open communication.
That would be a key factor for me. Do you have enough in common with this person, that you two can always find topics of mutual interest to talk about, outings to share that you're both jazzed about, new topics and areas of life to explore together for your own stimulation and growth, etc.? Some people seem interesting at first, but after you've known them awhile, they run out of topics, and fall back on repeating the same things as before.
But temperamentally (at least so far), he seems like a good fit. I guess only time will tell, but going forward, at least you can have an idea on what to look out for, what criteria you want to apply to your observations.
He said he was attracted to me because I am slender and that he appreciates that I eat healthily
But I don't know if that's enough
Right, and the question is, why shouldn't it be enough? If having someone to go to the gym with on a regular basis is important, or someone who goes to the gym on their own several times a week, and the importance of it overrides all your stellar qualities (which one hopes he's noticed and appreciates), then ... would you want to be with someone like that?
BTW, have you asked him why you'd need to go to the gym more than once/week on weekends, since you're already I shape? Might be a good question. Sure, a little muscle tone never hurt, but your life is making other demands on you at the moment. And even when things at work ease up, IMO you wouldn't need to go to the gym more than twice/week, anyway. Would that be enough for him? This seems like an odd thing for him to fixate on (indicating, perhaps, a level of inflexibility?), since you two get along fine (I assume), and you have so much to offer in other respects.
Thank you so much for your reply. Well, he seemed understanding at first
Now that you mention it, I think he was proud to introduce me to his friends because of what I do, which is worrisome because I don't want to be a trophy
I think this is a good thing to keep at the back of your mind, as you continue to evaluate the relationship.
Thank you so much for your reply. Well, he seemed understanding at first
Now that you mention it, I think he was proud to introduce me to his friends because of what I do, which is worrisome because I don't want to be a trophy
I think you need to slow down. You don't KNOW that he wants you to work out a lot more...you don't KNOW that he thinks of you as a trophy. You have some concerns but you're also borrowing trouble. If you're early into a relationship, by all means, tread carefully and keep your eyes open. But don't invent trouble where there is none.
Why SHOULDN'T he be proud of your work? Did you not even want to be introduced to his friends? Would you rather he hide you in a closet like he is ashamed?
You obviously are very different from each other - surely you knew that as soon as you found out he was a hairdresser - was this meant to be just a fling? Think about what you really want and be honest with yourself and him rather than twisting yourself into knots to find faults with him.
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