Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The homes you both just bought and the jobs you have, as you explained here:
Well, it looks like the onus would be on Emily to sacrifice, since you stated that he can't move away from his kids.
So Emily's kids would have to sacrifice as well, since it's implied that Emily would be the one to move if they are to be together.
Wait, Emily has kids? I didn't get that from the OP.
In any case, if everyone's getting along (of course, the lockdown's only been on for 2 months or so, so they've only been living together 2 months, so maybe the "it's too soon" idea is correct, for now), Emily could rent out her house. Renters would be paying her mortgage for her, so if things work out long-term with Ben & Co., Emily would get free equity. She might even get the whole house for the price of her downpayment, if they all remain in the area, and she continues renting for 15 years (paying off a 30-yr. mortgage in 15 yrs.) Windfall for Emily!
It might not hurt to wait a bit though, OP. Because one thing everyone would want to avoid, I assume, is a relationship blow-up in front of the kids. And also because Ben is still married.
Wait, Emily has kids? I didn't get that from the OP.
In any case, if everyone's getting along (of course, the lockdown's only been on for 2 months or so, so they've only been living together 2 months, so maybe the "it's too soon" idea is correct, for now), Emily could rent out her house. Renters would be paying her mortgage for her, so if things work out long-term with Ben & Co., Emily would get free equity. She might even get the whole house for the price of her downpayment, if they all remain in the area, and she continues renting for 15 years (paying off a 30-yr. mortgage in 15 yrs.) Windfall for Emily!
It might not hurt to wait a bit though, OP. Because one thing everyone would want to avoid, I assume, is a relationship blow-up in front of the kids.
Op has a minor child with shared custody. That fact changes much advice.
I did not accuse you of lying. The "50/50 custody" is odd terminology to use as it implies the children are minors. While he may still be financially supporting his children and providing them with a home, he has more freedom in his choices since his children are adults.
The fact that you have a minor child that you share custody of with your ex is a very important factor in asking "what would you do" but you left that out of your OP. Your son should be your first and foremost consideration yet you neglected to mention him when listing reasons why you are hesitant to be the one to relocate.
I do not think you should be the one to relocate for the following reasons:
1.) You have a young child who has gone through significant life changes in the past 2 years. I do not think you should uproot him and move him 3 hours away from his other parent. That distance will prove to bring logistical complications and unfairly limit parental involvement in his school and extracurricular activities for one of his parents. No matter how you feel about your ex-husband, it's unfair to the child.
2.) You should not quit your job when your BF can WFH 90% of the time.
According to the OP's other thread, she also works from home now, which is the main reason she no longer needs a nanny (topic of other thread).
Sorry, y'all, I'm just now catching up on both threads.
I really resent that. I lied about 50/50 custody? He does. Because even though they are 18 and 20, the arrangement is the same and they still live at home/are studying.
Do not accuse me of that. It's a horrible accusation to make. As for the other part, I split with my ex in April 2018, not 2019 as I mistakenly typed.
My ex can do what he likes in his time and I can do what I like. We do not have to clear it with each other.
No one has custody of a legal adult, unless that adult had been determined to be incapacitated and conservatorship has been granted by a court. Is that the case?
Their family arrangement is NOT the same thing as custody, as I am sure you well know. You can skip the dramatic outrage.
Perhaps she is looking for a certain answer to confirm her decision.
My take on the situation is Ben is not willing to disrupt his young adult childrens' lives, his job, or move from his home. All of this is well and good, but it prevents their relationship from moving to the next level at this time. Emily wants to live full-time with Ben now and is willing to disrupt her minor child's life, her job, and move from her home in order to make that happen.
In order to receive validation that this is a good plan, Emily changed some crucial details.
Emily, don't disrupt your 9 year old's life. He has already been through a divorce. That is quite enough turmoil early in life. Let him stay in his home and in his school and with his friends and in close proximity to his father. Children grow. If you and Ben have a solid relationship, then the time will come when things just fall into place and you and Ben can be together full-time. That's my advice. (I also am divorced and had minor children at the time.) For now, your minor child comes first.
My take on the situation is Ben is not willing to disrupt his young adult childrens' lives, his job, or move from his home. All of this is well and good, but it prevents their relationship from moving to the next level at this time. Emily wants to live full-time with Ben now and is willing to disrupt her minor child's life, her job, and move from her home in order to make that happen.
In order to receive validation that this is a good plan, Emily changed some crucial details.
Emily, don't disrupt your 9 year old's life. He has already been through a divorce. That is quite enough turmoil early in life. Let him stay in his home and in his school and with his friends and in close proximity to his father. Children grow. If you and Ben have a solid relationship, then the time will come when things just fall into place and you and Ben can be together full-time. That's my advice. (I also am divorced and had minor children at the time.) For now, your minor child comes first.
Sounds like in this scenario, everyone's cheating. I would not bring kids into this situation.
Separated =/= single. You should not be spending the night in the same home with the kids until divorce is final. All these kids are seeing is that marriage is a joke.
Wait until you can provide more stable role-modeling for the kids. You aren't doing that now.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
