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I'm all for open communication such as this, but in this situation I wouldn't expect to get the truth. At this point married people who are separated are often confused and in denial. The telltale sign of that in this situation are the messages posts / thumbs up on Facebook.
On another note, the spying the OP is doing in a new relationship that isn't even exclusive indicates she has her own issues she should be dealing with.
I agree chances are he won't be honest with her, however more often than not you can kinda tell by the person's reaction. Either way, I think the OP already knows the answer to this one.
OP, have you considered just flat out asking him how he feels about his ex? I'm not saying he'd be totally honest about it, but you can usually gauge by someone's reaction whether they're telling the truth or not.
If it were me, I would just flat out ask him if he would get back with her if the opportunity arose. I think you might be hesitant to ask this because you're afraid of the answer.
I’ll ask.
Our mutual friend (who set us up and is dating the best friend of the guy I’m seeing) said they were all together yesterday at the lake and were sitting there for a while. She said he pulled out his phone and saw him go through her Instagram stories because she had just posted. She reiterated how he’ll view her posts but the ex isn’t even checking his (shows you who views your story). Also, the ex’s mom sent a group text but didn’t mean to include him in it. He replied to her and said, “haha no worries! I hope everyone is staying safe”. I can’t tell if him responding to her mom for the wrong text was him just being nice or just another means of staying in contact?
Today his friend posted a story of all the guys out and the guy I’m seeing is in the background talking about his ex. He’s talking about their breakup then said, “I’ve talked to her a little bit...but...whatever” and then the guys start laughing. So I guess it’s a really good sign that he said “whatever”.
Also, learned that his ex is quarantined with her sister a few states away so she’s not even around.
Last edited by Beckyd3390; 05-14-2020 at 11:07 AM..
... while he's with friends and not even with you.
Of course a guy is gonna play it off and be "whatever" about an ex in front of his friends. But you just don't seem to want to accept that his behavior clearly shows that he's not over her, which means he's definitely "whatever" about you.
You just started dating, and you've already been snooping on him more than I've snooped in my life. If you want to keep seeing him, it's your choice, but you should calm your expectations down because so far it's just a shady mess.
Typical male response when he's with his buddies and it means absolutely nothing.
He's not 'whatever' about her - he's fully engaged with her because he still has feelings for her and she seems to have feelings for him.
You're a nice distraction while they work things out and you apparently know that or you wouldn't be snooping on him.
Yup, no guy is going to be telling his buddies he's pining over his ex-gf (especially not on an instagram story), and saying "whatever" is just a way to change the subject. Just the fact that he's checking all her instagram stories is concerning enough! I know most exes check out each other's profiles from time to time if they still follow each other on social media however they do so in an inconspicuous way, but in this case he's checking her stories knowing full well that she's sees him doing so.
End it, unless you want to get hurt. You're only a month in, you'll move on quickly however if you stay in this mess longer it will only be tougher on you because this will not end well for you regardless whether he gets back with her or not. If he doesn't get back with her, he'll realize you're a rebound (that is if he doesn't already).
Today his friend posted a story of all the guys out and the guy I’m seeing is in the background talking about his ex. He’s talking about their breakup then said, “I’ve talked to her a little bit...but...whatever” and then the guys start laughing. So I guess it’s a really good sign that he said “whatever”.
Also, learned that his ex is quarantined with her sister a few states away so she’s not even around.
No. "Whatever" means two things:
1. He doesn't want to have an emotional conversation with his friends about it.
2. It sounds like he probably isn't sure how he feels about her or where he stands with her. Therefore, he isn't in a position to be sure how he feels about you, either.
I’ve been seeing this guy for about a month.
I know he contacted his ex a few weeks ago. He couldn’t find something of his so he texted her and asked her if she had it, apparently she told him no, she didn’t have it. The next day I saw that he texted her again and asked once more about the missing item and if she had a chance to look again (I was using his laptop and his message threads appear on his Mac). Then the next day he was laughing at something. He had sent her a video of these clumsy puppies. I figured they were just friends/friendly?
A last week he had liked this post that said, “50% miss you, 50% **** you.” Sunday she texted him saying tell your mom I said happy Mother’s Day for me and he responded, “Will do. Please do the same for me.” I’ll admit I kind of peeked over when he was texting and saw this.
Backstory:
My good friend’s boyfriend is a good buddy of his (how we met) so I was made privy to a few things.
She broke up with him first 2 months ago and in the process of talking things out they got in a bad argument that night, and according to my friend, the guy I’m seeing just got angry and called it off. I do know right before the big blow he went to her mother for advice. He said he didn’t know what his ex had wanted. Then a few weeks later after he broke things off (1.5 month post the breakup she initiated…3 weeks after he called off the reconciliation/broke up with her) he contacted her about his things and then sent her the video.
I know that he posted this song ‘Desires’ by drake with the caption “been listening to this for 8 hours now”. My take on the song is it’s about a guy who is going through a breakup and talks about how things could’ve been handled differently, and how nice guy’s finish last.
Then last week he liked a post with a caption that says,
‘When someone says there’s other fish in the sea
‘My response:’
And video of a person shooting the fish. So I think it’s safe to assume it’s about her.
Our mutual friend said that he looks at her Instagram and views her posts all the time, even though she doesn’t really view his. Oh, and apparently she was his first serious girlfriend – he’s 30 by the way. Apparently, two months ago she was at his family’s house and he said he wanted to have an engagement party there.
So are they just friends/friendly?
My take is, sometimes people break up because they know logically its the best thing to do, but sometimes their feelings take awhile to catch up to their brain. It can be hard to just cut the cord and immediately forget about a person they have had an intimate relationship with. Even if that person has done something cruel to them, or they found out about some deal breaker about that person, which caused the break up, feelings still often take time to fade away. Its not a switch that just switches off. Maybe for some people it is, but many people have trouble just flipping that switch off, when they have cared for someone.
So, based on what you wrote, my take is he is having trouble letting go of his ex completely. I don't think its a good idea for people to date when they are going through a break up and are still having some ambivalent feelings for their ex. Its not fair to the next person because they are having their time waisted and having their feelings messed with. It might make the break up transition easier for him, but he is just pulling you into drama that has nothing to do with you, and messing with your feelings and your head at the same time. Very unfair to you.
Toss him back. The way he is acting now, he is not a keeper.
My take is, sometimes people break up because they know logically its the best thing to do, but sometimes their feelings take awhile to catch up to their brain. It can be hard to just cut the cord and immediately forget about a person they have had an intimate relationship with. Even if that person has done something cruel to them, or they found out about some deal breaker about that person, which caused the break up, feelings still often take time to fade away. Its not a switch that just switches off. Maybe for some people it is, but many people have trouble just flipping that switch off, when they have cared for someone.
So, based on what you wrote, my take is he is having trouble letting go of his ex completely. I don't think its a good idea for people to date when they are going through a break up and are still having some ambivalent feelings for their ex. Its not fair to the next person because they are having their time waisted and having their feelings messed with. It might make the break up transition easier for him, but he is just pulling you into drama that has nothing to do with you, and messing with your feelings and your head at the same time. Very unfair to you.
Toss him back. The way he is acting now, he is not a keeper.
I disagree. He knows what he wants. If he was logical about it he wouldn’t have made contact multiple times, talking about with his friends a month + later, continuously watching her social media when she doesn’t do the same, the list goes on. His behavior is beyond lingering feelings because logically it didn’t work out.
If I had to bet all my money, they’ll get back together OP. I can confidently say this will not work out in your favor.
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