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Ill keep it short. So me and her had this special thing going on for 4 years. I'm 26 and she's 22. It was an extremely exciting and fun experience we had. We thought we were gonna be together for the rest of our lifes. Every single year our relationship got a lil worse. Worse as in, we got arguments after arguements etc. But she kept on loving me and would say sorry. She would always put her ego on the side. Months afters months this would just keep going. I was so selfish and could never say sorry. The arguments got worse and worse. We would shout and scream at eachother for the most stupid things. But she always says sorry at the end. Now the last year was the worst. We had in total 5 abortions. She got pregnant again, which is something awesome But she always thought that I never wanted a child. I did, but I felt like I wasn't ready for it. One day I was at work and there was no food at home. She was literally crying and called a friend which came from an hour drive to bring her food. Also one day we had a lil fight and told her to get out of the house. She got really devastated and left. She went to her mothers house. She came back 3 days later to say sorry again. A few months in and she got Contractions. We rushed to the hospital, we stayed there for 3 weeks. I did everything for her on those times. The baby came. It was an awesome moment for the both of us. After 3 months. She told me that this is not gonna workout and she already got another man. That other man got her a ring, by just knowing her for 3 months. He already came over to her house with her mum (I'm not allowed to go in that house anymore). She told me all the sweet things he is doing for her. She told me not to contact her anymore. The story is way longer, probably even a book but I'm trying to keep it as short as possible. The only contact we have now is with our baby. Which even that she don't like it. Anyway, it seemed like I didn't really care about her in the relationship, I tried to emphasize how bad I have been to her. She wanted to marry me so bad, she even chose her own ring and said I'll buy it with my own money. She even asked my dads hands. She loved me so much, if there was a little bit of food and she's hungry, she'd say I'm not hungry and give it all to me. Don't get me wrong, I was always there for her. We had an amazing bond. We could read eachother, we could be ourselves to eachother. It was so amazing. And now she's trying to tell me that she is over us within 1 week and she loves the other guy and wants to marry him. Honestly I have realized what I have lost after I have lost it. The most amazing woman and I didn't even care **** about her. I actually love her so much and I regret it what I have done to her. Today I'm a new person and I'm more loving and caring. Do you guys know what I can do? I tried begging but didn't work. We had sex 6 days ago and during sex she said that she loves me and I'm her number 1. After sex she told me to go away and got in tears. After I left she called the other guy to tell him that she really loves him. What do you guys think?
Ill keep it short. So me and her had this special thing going on for 4 years. I'm 26 and she's 22. It was an extremely exciting and fun experience we had. We thought we were gonna be together for the rest of our lifes. Every single year our relationship got a lil worse. Worse as in, we got arguments after arguements etc.
But she kept on loving me and would say sorry. She would always put her ego on the side. Months afters months this would just keep going. I was so selfish and could never say sorry. The arguments got worse and worse. We would shout and scream at eachother for the most stupid things. But she always says sorry at the end.
Now the last year was the worst. We had in total 5 abortions. She got pregnant again, which is something awesome But she always thought that I never wanted a child. I did, but I felt like I wasn't ready for it. One day I was at work and there was no food at home. She was literally crying and called a friend which came from an hour drive to bring her food. Also one day we had a lil fight and told her to get out of the house. She got really devastated and left. She went to her mothers house. She came back 3 days later to say sorry again.
A few months in and she got Contractions. We rushed to the hospital, we stayed there for 3 weeks. I did everything for her on those times. The baby came. It was an awesome moment for the both of us. After 3 months. She told me that this is not gonna workout and she already got another man. That other man got her a ring, by just knowing her for 3 months. He already came over to her house with her mum (I'm not allowed to go in that house anymore). She told me all the sweet things he is doing for her. She told me not to contact her anymore.
The story is way longer, probably even a book but I'm trying to keep it as short as possible. The only contact we have now is with our baby. Which even that she don't like it. Anyway, it seemed like I didn't really care about her in the relationship, I tried to emphasize how bad I have been to her. She wanted to marry me so bad, she even chose her own ring and said I'll buy it with my own money. She even asked my dads hands. She loved me so much, if there was a little bit of food and she's hungry, she'd say I'm not hungry and give it all to me.
Don't get me wrong, I was always there for her. We had an amazing bond. We could read eachother, we could be ourselves to eachother. It was so amazing. And now she's trying to tell me that she is over us within 1 week and she loves the other guy and wants to marry him. Honestly I have realized what I have lost after I have lost it. The most amazing woman and I didn't even care **** about her.
I actually love her so much and I regret it what I have done to her. Today I'm a new person and I'm more loving and caring. Do you guys know what I can do? I tried begging but didn't work. We had sex 6 days ago and during sex she said that she loves me and I'm her number 1. After sex she told me to go away and got in tears. After I left she called the other guy to tell him that she really loves him. What do you guys think?
I have one question for you: Did you wear a condom when you had sex 6 days ago?
If not, you are an ******* and you shouldn't be with anyone.
If this story is not pure fiction, what I think is that you should have been wearing a condom six pregnancies ago since your former girlfriend is seemingly incapable of handling birth control on her own. One abortion in four years is understandable to a degree as accidents can and do occur, but five in the same space of time is unconscionable--especially as you yourself wrote that your relationship worsened each year that you were together.
You and your ex chose to bring a child into your drama-filled relationship in which you can barely take of yourselves, let alone a new life. When you're at the point where your girlfriend is calling you and a friend in tears because there is no food in your home to eat, neither of you had any business bringing a child into said home. If she has money enough that she'd be willing to spend on a hunk of metal with a stone in it, why could she have not spend that same money on food for your household? Marriage certainly wouldn't have made your relationship any better. Love just isn't enough to overcome the sort of obstacles that you were facing as a couple.
Because neither you nor your ex chose to not use birth control, your child is likely going to have pay the price of having strange men who are not his or her father constantly in and out of their mother's life. My advice to you is to never sleep with your ex ever again, do your best to be a constant, consistent and loving presence in the life of your child, and to "step up to the plate" financially and pay child support as a caring parent should.
Next time around, try to choose your partners more wisely...and wear a condom!
About the birth control. She did have birth control. We found out later, that she has a rare blood illness which is called alphathelasemy. So maybe because of that the birth control didn't work. All 6 times she had birth control. The doctors gave her a different pill everytime. So we were pretty surprised when she got pregnant. Also after pill doesn't work for her. Anyway, she's now in a rebound relationship, we didn't even talk about the breakup, or the emotions or anything. She didn't even heal and is jumping to another guy
I think you abused her long enough. Leave her alone and let her have a happier life with someone who actually cares about her.
Stop pursuing, stop sleeping with her and pay your alimony. You made her life a hell. There is nothing to save. Move on.
BTW: there is no such thing as alphathelasemy.
It's called: Alpha thalassemia.
About the birth control. She did have birth control. We found out later, that she has a rare blood illness which is called alphathelasemy. So maybe because of that the birth control didn't work. All 6 times she had birth control. The doctors gave her a different pill everytime. So we were pretty surprised when she got pregnant. Also after pill doesn't work for her. Anyway, she's now in a rebound relationship, we didn't even talk about the breakup, or the emotions or anything. She didn't even heal and is jumping to another guy
You still chose to not do your part and wear a condom. She could have chosen to use a spermicide of some sort either in conjunction with a condom or without. She could have used a barrier method other than a condom. She could have had an IUD inserted. Since you both were aware that she was quite fertile, you should have been "doubling up" on non-hormonal birth control.
If the physicians at the abortion clinic didn't read her the riot act and give her a list of her full birth control options after so many abortions, that's on them, but I highly doubt that she was not told about her options--especially since she was a "frequent flyer" at the clinic.
At this point, only her actions that concern your child are of consequence. Be glad that you were never legally bound to her as your relationship just wasn't meant to be.
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 05-13-2020 at 02:25 PM..
About the birth control. She did have birth control. We found out later, that she has a rare blood illness which is called alphathelasemy. So maybe because of that the birth control didn't work. All 6 times she had birth control. The doctors gave her a different pill everytime. So we were pretty surprised when she got pregnant. Also after pill doesn't work for her. Anyway, she's now in a rebound relationship, we didn't even talk about the breakup, or the emotions or anything. She didn't even heal and is jumping to another guy
You know, I would think that after one MAYBE two abortions of unplanned pregnancies caused by medically related birth control problems, YOU might consider using a back-up method. But FIVE abortions? Abortion is not meant to be birth control. It's unfathomable to me that you would be this clueless. It's one of the worst things I've ever heard.
I agree that you've tortured each other enough. I have a feeling, though, that you two will play this immature on-again/off-again game as long as you continue to co-parent. No, she shouldn't rebound with another dude. No, you shouldn't even be considering sleeping with her when she's supposedly with someone else.
It's sad, really. You need to leave each other alone, but I doubt you will.
OP, therapy. Get therapy to get to the bottom of whatever drove you to behave the way you did with her, and to heal whatever's there at the bottom of it. Make that investment in yourself.
Then, and only then, will you be able to take credibly about being "a new man", a changed man for the better.
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