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Not trying to be flippant, but to add some levity to a heavy conversation: you need to binge-watch Divorce Court. Judge Lynn gives great advice to so many in positions like yours.
I need to do this for real. Every time I leave I feel 100% better. My depression isn’t as bad, things going on my life furthers. Bad things always happens to be while I’m with him.
Just two days ago, we were having a heated conversation. He slapped me in my face for just raising my voice.
I can barely see still. My eye is now sensitive towards the light.
How long did the police hold him after you reported him? How long is your restraining order for? Have you been contacted by the prosecutor yet?
What did your doctor say about your injury? Did you receive treatment? I believe you can hold the offender responsible for your medical bills.
When my ex took a swipe at me on my front porch one day, he spent the night in jail, and the prosecutor told me I could recommend a sentence for him. I chose a huge fine and weekends in jail for 2 months. There are a lot of options for punishing these criminal abusers.
You're suggesting that the O.P. stay with a man who recently struck her hard enough to damage her vision, who cheats on her, who berates her, and who has damaged her personal property in retaliation for breaking up with him in the past?!?!
See that guy's other thread about convincing young girls to have sex with him. *shudder*.
OP, you sound desperate for male attention of any kind. He cheated on his ex with you. Now he's cheating on you.
OK, so you were a willing partner in destroying his previous relationship, and you have a problem with HER?
I doubt this guy has a single redeeming quality. Yet you seem to think this is what you deserve.
Did you have a troubled childhood?
Is there drugs and drinking involved?
I may have wrote it wrong but I’ll say it once again. HE CHEATED ON ME WITH THE GiRL. We stopped dating and THEY started to date. When I THOUGHT he was SINGLE, he was STILL with her. I had NO knowledge that he was dating her and I at the same time. I was his only relationship for 7 years straight. I’m not a home wrecker. My HOME was wrecked! I’m done explaining that ****.
I never once said I deserved him. I never said any of that. Some of y’all shouldn’t even be able to comment.
Seriously.
Also, excessive drinking is probably interfering with your medication.
Yes, I know you said nothing about drinking, but in my experience, almost every relationship where such ridiculous things happen and such ugly, unforgivable things are said, involve some level of drug or alcohol abuse.
Call the police today, make an appt with your therapist and stop with the substances.
I may have wrote it wrong but I’ll say it once again. HE CHEATED ON ME WITH THE GiRL. We stopped dating and THEY started to date. When I THOUGHT he was SINGLE, he was STILL with her. I had NO knowledge that he was dating her and I at the same time. I was his only relationship for 7 years straight. I’m not a home wrecker. My HOME was wrecked! I’m done explaining that ****.
I never once said I deserved him. I never said any of that. Some of y’all shouldn’t even be able to comment.
Seriously.
You did say that it's all your fault because you keep letting him down, like you deserve the way he treats you.
I've been involved in some sort of domestic violence for 45 years, as a child, then as a young adult in my marriage.
I'm now an advocate for domestic violence victims, so I will give you the same advice I would give anyone in your situation.
You'll have to make the final decision to leave the relationship, and cut all contact, change your phone number, block him on social media..etc. He's extremely manipulative, so this is the only way to avoid that.
I didn't read all of the comments, but a restraining order is a must, and that means you also cannot contact him, or it will void the protection order.
He's gaslighting you, and turning everything back on you, when he's the one at fault.
The fact that he acts that way, and you've taken him back time, and time again, he thinks that he can yank your chain, and you'll come running. Break that cycle. Take time in therapy, to sort out what made you so accepting of that kind of abuse, before you bring those same issues into your next relationship.
I never once said I deserved him. I never said any of that. Some of y’all shouldn’t even be able to comment.
Seriously.
The point is that your choices are saying it for you.
If you thought better of yourself, you would not keep going back to him. Going back leads people to believe that you don't think you deserve better or you would go find better, because most people hit a rock bottom that's a turning point, usually before someone hits them in the face.
The point is that your choices are saying it for you.
If you thought better of yourself, you would not keep going back to him. Going back leads people to believe that you don't think you deserve better or you would go find better, because most people hit a rock bottom that's a turning point, usually before someone hits them in the face.
Yes. By the time my ex attempted to sock me in the face, we had already been divorced for a year. He was still mad about it! Restraining order and jail time took care of his issues.
Take your power back, OP. Make sure he gets what he deserves, before he tries it on some other woman.
RE: the bolded--the past, in your situation, is the present. So it's not really the past.
RE: the underlined, here's what to do. Blow him off. Permanently. You shouldn't be putting up with this. You're free to walk. I strongly suggest you do, and on the off chance he tries to wheedle or beg back in with you, block everything.
He's not into you in a serious way, and he's not going to change, so tell him adios, sayonara. Do not entertain any discussion, yelling, crying, begging, or other theatrics, nor flowers, singing telegrams, or whatever. G'bye means 'bye, The End.
Then get ready to enjoy your new con-artist-free life. It'll do wonders for your self-esteem, trust me.
This right here is your answer. You just have to find the strength to do it.
If you find that therapy isn't working it might very well be due to not putting in the work. Therapy is hard and you have to go places in your mind that you might have been trying to avoid. It can be painful picking apart your history and laying it all out and facing it head on.
Another reason you might think therapy isn't working could be that you and your therapist just aren't a good fit. I'm not saying it's true because I don't know but It's something to think about. I've seen this play out many, many times.
Last edited by Sunshinetwelve29; 05-18-2020 at 01:26 PM..
I may have wrote it wrong but I’ll say it once again. HE CHEATED ON ME WITH THE GiRL. We stopped dating and THEY started to date. When I THOUGHT he was SINGLE, he was STILL with her. I had NO knowledge that he was dating her and I at the same time. I was his only relationship for 7 years straight. I’m not a home wrecker. My HOME was wrecked! I’m done explaining that ****.
I never once said I deserved him. I never said any of that. Some of y’all shouldn’t even be able to comment.
Seriously.
You came here seeking advice. You wrote part of your original post in a way that made it seem he had cheated on his ex with you. More than a few people read it that way. You even admit that you may have written it wrong. That's fine.
What isn't fine is lashing out at people and saying that some shouldn't be able to comment. I think you don't like the advice you're being given - and I think that nothing is going to change. I've noticed that you only respond to parts of posts, and do not respond to other parts - mainly the parts about leaving this jerk.
It doesn't matter how long you've "been" with this person, he's an abuser, you do not deserve it no matter what your self esteem is like right now.
Your choices are: Leave this person, cut any and all contact from this person. All of it.
Or
Keep getting smacked around both verbally and physically until one day you end up in the hospital, or worse.
Because that is going to happen if you keep going back to this person. Over time, they are going to hit harder, and be more violent. He's not someone special - they all act the same way.
So, make the choice.
After you going off on people who are simply seeing the situation you're in for what it is, and trying to offer you some advice, (not all of it's going to be handed to you on a feather soft pillow because the situation is that serious), I've decided that I'm out. There's no other advice to give you.
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It'll do wonders for your self-esteem, trust me.
