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A past bf of her did cheat and another left her to be with his "best friend". So she told me "when it comes between a girl best friend and the girlfriend, the best friend always wins".
Then it is her problem to work out. Tell her you are not her ex- boyfriend. She needs to trust you or your relationship is going to suffer. You can't ever be certain in love, but one thing is for sure, without trust you are just destined to break up.
A past bf of her did cheat and another left her to be with his "best friend". So she told me "when it comes between a girl best friend and the girlfriend, the best friend always wins".
That's what I thought.
Was this recently? Has she had enough time, since one of the last two cheating boyfriends, to move past it before starting to date you? That you are not the rebound guy.
Don't walk on eggshells. Her past has nothing to do with your present. You deleted the good friend (which you really shouldn't have had to do, but okay), so there is nothing more to ever be said about it again.
Just be careful of more controlling and jealous behavior on her part.
Was this recently? Has she had enough time, since one of the last two cheating boyfriends, to move past it before starting to date you? That you are not the rebound guy.
Don't walk on eggshells. Her past has nothing to do with your present. You deleted the good friend (which you really shouldn't have had to do, but okay), so there is nothing more to ever be said about it again.
Just be careful of more controlling and jealous behavior on her part.
More than a year passed since the last bf so I certainly wasn't a rebound guy. Im not sure when she dated the other boyfriend.
Do you have any advice on what I should say to her?
This is perfect:
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
You don't have anything to apologize for. Say something like, "I feel like you don't trust me when you constantly make accusations about [name]. I've never given you any reason to be jealous, and it makes me question everything when your only two choices are 1) I was bad at setting boundaries I didn't know needed to be set or 2) I liked the attention. Neither of those is accurate. I hope this is the last time we will have this conversation."
Don't let her bully you just because she is insecure.
You can't make her feel better... She's choosing to stir up her insecurity and other issues. You need to decide what to do if this continues... Because once you give in, it gets worse. What happens next if she "detects" something with another friend, a co-worker, etc? What if your family is next? How much are you willing to give up for a temporary reprieve?
What you did with the previous friend before you become a couple is off limits. You are missing some obvious signs with your new girlfriend, jealousy, need to control you. Just agree with her, it's no crime to miss signals or be flattered by someone who likes you. Ask your girlfriend why this is so important to her. Maybe it's because you won't agree with her analysis, but are trying to convince her she is wrong. Maybe she is right. Tell her so. You can tell her you don't know why you it either. If that doesn't satisfy her then maybe it's time to find a new girlfriend.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RTide1
Hello everyone.
I have been dating this girl for close to a year. We've been friends since high school but we ended up falling in love around end of May last year. As usual things were well at first. However, she started going through my social media and noticed that one of my close friends may have once been in love with me. She got upset and pointed out all the "obvious signs and posts" that I missed. Some of these posts included "date" or "love ya" in the pictures of comments and it somewhat did make sense that maybe this friend liked me.I also mentioned that this girl said "Im like a brother to her" so I never thought of this girl liking me and thought that's the whole "friendzone" thing. She still got mad and said "Guys write that on reddit relationships and then find out the best friend like him all along. It doesn't mean ****". It also doesn't help that some of my friends had told me that this friend liked me, but I never thought much of it because they said that about other female friends I had. Also, she noticed that my friend had plenty of pics with me, but few with her own bfs and that she always stood next to me in pictures we took.
E Eventually I removed that friend from social media with no explanation and haven't spoke to them since. 5 months has passed and she continues to ask me "how did you not see the obvious signs?". I finally had it and asked why it's still important to her still when the friend was deleted. Her response was these 2 things
- "If that friend was obviously in love with you and you didn't notice it, then it means you never told her no and didn't set standards for your friendship. otherwise she would have stopped loving you and being friends. Why would people stay friends with someone they once loved and know they can't have regardless."
-"You probably didn't like her, but you enjoyed the idea of a girl having feelings for her. So you strung her along as your friend because its nice to get attention"
I have since denied both telling her "Im sorry I didnt see this girls hints" and "If I had known I would have just told them I didn't like them because I dont want to give anyone false hope".
Can you guys tell me what I can do to better this situation? Did I miss obvious signs and how can I make things better for us?
Hmmm...do you want this girl (your girlfriend) by that I mean are you in love-love with her, want to keep her, and truly see her as the potential to likely mother of your children or is this just a nice, pleasant, exclusive relationship for you?
Tell your girlfriend you are dating her now, not the other chick, but if she keeps harassing you, you won't be dating her either.
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