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I am having a VERY hard time. I've gone to a therapist EVERY day. And I still ended up emailing him.
I didn't come here to get chastised. So please don't give me a hard time. I know that it was stupid.
he just came back and told me all the reasons the relationship was broken and that "I" clearly wanted this ending ...and basically have a nice life.
THAT left me wanting to beg him more. But, i've stayed away. It's been so hard. I started reading a bunch of books about narcissism. and stockholm syndrome. It's been very difficult.
I've had some suicidal thoughts...but I know I won't act on that. I'm grateful I have a child who I told about this and have reached out to every day to get a reminder of why I need to keep fighting.
I am just SO sad. It makes no sense, but I miss him. I miss the habit...I suppose. I am trying. I am trying very hard.
He's gone.
I haven't read the rest of the thread, but I'm not chastising you. I'm giving you a reality check in case you've still got one foot in the door.
As far as narcissism is concerned, you should look at some videos on YouTube on the subject. It will amaze you how similar they describe are to this man in your life.
I am having a VERY hard time. I've gone to a therapist EVERY day. And I still ended up emailing him.
I didn't come here to get chastised. So please don't give me a hard time. I know that it was stupid.
he just came back and told me all the reasons the relationship was broken and that "I" clearly wanted this ending ...and basically have a nice life.
THAT left me wanting to beg him more. But, i've stayed away. It's been so hard. I started reading a bunch of books about narcissism. and stockholm syndrome. It's been very difficult.
I've had some suicidal thoughts...but I know I won't act on that. I'm grateful I have a child who I told about this and have reached out to every day to get a reminder of why I need to keep fighting.
I am just SO sad. It makes no sense, but I miss him. I miss the habit...I suppose. I am trying. I am trying very hard.
Starting over is the hardest part, but you can do it. You're more fortunate than most who leave abusive relationships in that you're financially independent and you don't have any shared children for whose sake you'd have to deal with him for years on end. You have a son who loves and supports you, friends, and extended family like your cousin to whom you can turn when the going gets rough and you need some moral support.
It's okay to grieve for what once was, cry and scream into your pillow if you must, but try not to wallow for too long or to reach out to him in order to salve your wounded heart. You've been down *that* path before and know that line of thought just doesn't work. Be gentle and kind, but firm with yourself. See yourself as your own best friend and proceed accordingly.
I am having a VERY hard time. I've gone to a therapist EVERY day. And I still ended up emailing him.
I didn't come here to get chastised. So please don't give me a hard time. I know that it was stupid.
he just came back and told me all the reasons the relationship was broken and that "I" clearly wanted this ending ...and basically have a nice life.
THAT left me wanting to beg him more. But, i've stayed away. It's been so hard. I started reading a bunch of books about narcissism. and stockholm syndrome. It's been very difficult.
I've had some suicidal thoughts...but I know I won't act on that. I'm grateful I have a child who I told about this and have reached out to every day to get a reminder of why I need to keep fighting.
I am just SO sad. It makes no sense, but I miss him. I miss the habit...I suppose. I am trying. I am trying very hard.
He's gone.
If you are feeling suicidal, I don't think this site is a good place to seek advice, there is just too many trolls on this site.
I did another therapy session via phone today because I was really, really struggling.
We talked about the fact that I have such strong denial going on ...and that ..the denial part of me is serving me so that I don't have to face what has transpired. But, I also established that I've been in denial for years and that part of me functioned strongly to help me... so that I didn't have to fully absorb the verbal abuse.
"you are crazy.
You are insane.
You are sick in the head.
Your life is a disaster.
Life with you is a fuc*ing nightmare.
This is the worst relationship i've never been in ...in my life.
You are not to my liking.
I can't handle your tears and anxiety...it makes me want to move to Alaska to get as far as possible.. away from you..
You make me want to RUN from you...
You think I'm going to MARRY?! you...
What I wonder is WHY i went through all of this and I ended up emailing him and begging him to take me back. I make no sense and I'm struggling with this compulsion....
Quote:
Originally Posted by shelato
If you are feeling suicidal, I don't think this site is a good place to seek advice, there is just too many trolls on this site.
I did another therapy session via phone today because I was really, really struggling.
We talked about the fact that I have such strong denial going on ...and that ..the denial part of me is serving me so that I don't have to face what has transpired. But, I also established that I've been in denial for years and that part of me functioned strongly to help me... so that I didn't have to fully absorb the verbal abuse.
"you are crazy.
You are insane.
You are sick in the head.
Your life is a disaster.
Life with you is a fuc*ing nightmare.
This is the worst relationship i've never been in ...in my life.
You are not to my liking.
I can't handle your tears and anxiety...it makes me want to move to Alaska to get as far as possible.. away from you..
You make me want to RUN from you...
You think I'm going to MARRY?! you...
What I wonder is WHY i went through all of this and I ended up emailing him and begging him to take me back. I make no sense and I'm struggling with this compulsion....
Have you moved your things out of the home that you once shared and returned the engagement ring to your now ex-fiance?
You need to try to do your best to see this as a net gain for you--not a net loss. You have a total do-over at the relatively young age of forty-five, so count yourself a lucky woman. Not everyone gets a do-over.
Stay strong, be kind to you, and if you're still drinking, you need to stop as soon as you can. If you cannot stop, try to reach out for help of some kind if you can. Alcohol-dependence and depression are a life-ruining and often deadly combination. This man isn't worth wasting your precious life and sanity.
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 06-21-2020 at 11:03 PM..
I find it bizarre that 22 and 24 year old adult women, go everywhere and do everything with their parents still.
At that age, I had my own life going on. What's up with young adults these days? At age 22-24, I went on vacations with friends or boyfriends. Not with daddy.
They are NOT kids, period. I would tell him that it's way past time for his daughters to grow up.
I find it bizarre that 22 and 24 year old adult women, go everywhere and do everything with their parents still.
At that age, I had my own life going on. What's up with young adults these days? At age 22-24, I went on vacations with friends or boyfriends. Not with daddy.
They are NOT kids, period. I would tell him that it's way past time for his daughters to grow up.
The OP doesn't need to have ANY conversation, verbal or otherwise, with the ex-BF at this point. Any interaction with him will only give him an opportunity to abuse her further. She needs to stick with her therapy and AA if necessary and maintain absolute no-contact with him.
The OP doesn't need to have ANY conversation, verbal or otherwise, with the ex-BF at this point. Any interaction with him will only give him an opportunity to abuse her further. She needs to stick with her therapy and AA if necessary and maintain absolute no-contact with him.
Yeah I agree, she is waaay beyond that conversation lol
I agree! That's what I just couldn't understand and now he's telling me that over the past week he's realized he has done harm to them by prioritizing me over them.. and that they stayed with him all week to make sure he didn't take me back.
Really? It clearly just shows how divisive he is... I didn't undestand why he always had to share our fights and arguments with this family.. It was tough because then I knew they didn't like me or saw me differently.
Anyway, it's hard. I'm trying to avoid talking to him. But, I have the compulsion to try to win him back. And that's why I come here. I realize that I have to stay no contact. And it's killing me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla
I find it bizarre that 22 and 24 year old adult women, go everywhere and do everything with their parents still.
At that age, I had my own life going on. What's up with young adults these days? At age 22-24, I went on vacations with friends or boyfriends. Not with daddy.
They are NOT kids, period. I would tell him that it's way past time for his daughters to grow up.
I'm trying. I just still find myself in shock or denial...
I think what's most painful is he said that "I" was the one who clearly wanted this.... since I was the one who told him to leave finally.
But, the reality is I kept coming here and my therapist because he's been telling me almost DAILY -- "if you don't like it...just leave" Or "Go find someone else to make you happy..." Or the worst: "I will leave you when you least expect it and it destroys you most."
And then he says this is what "I" wanted all along? It makes no sense.....and he can't see that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SVTLightning
Yeah I agree, she is waaay beyond that conversation lol
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