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I'm not really looking for answers but they are welcome. My goal on here is more to vent and maybe find someone who can relate that I may be able to help. This is a very complicated story so I'm sorry if it's a bit of or jumbled the last relationship i was in was 2017 ish I'm not sure when. All the drama started when my friend took his own life (cliche or to heavy whatever just hold on) he left behind his fiance and adopted child and there family and many other were severely damaged by him making that choice. After around 4 months me and his ex started to hang out and eventually I began staying at her house. My intentions weren't sexual and things were good as friends for a long time. Eventual though we ended up sleeping together and ended up just being together. This woman was 10X more mature and level headed than me at the time so after about 6 months she had decided that I wasn't the man for her. This was a mutual agreement and all was well, we still lived together. Eventually she started seeing someone else who I became close friends with but she insisted he not know about me and her before (because I still lived there with them!) Even though I was against it I kept the secret. Maybe a month later ,my friend who had passed away brother showed up to my house and just dumped his girlfriend and left her there. She began staying with us for a while and eventually came onto me, I did not want to have a relationship at the time and made that very clear and we had sex a lot of the time. I did not know then but she was going back and forth between her ex and me getting laid daily. He asked her to come back and she said yes, so I naturally told her that me and her wouldn't happen again. She was still at my house at the time and he was coming to get her in the morning. Everyone at the house got drunk and we ended up sleeping together. I felt horrible so I called my friend the next day and told him what happened, I told him the hit me scream at me whatever he needed to do I would take it. He punched me once, called me a piece of **** and drove away. About 2 weeks later after I've been living practically alone on my side if the house wollowing. The first girls BF called me, she told him we slept together before they were together. Naturally with me just being involved in a cheating incident he was thinking me and his girl were sleeping together as well. We weren't and I hadn't tried to at all while they were together but I couldn't face him after he called me. I packed my bags and moved out of state to avoid my shame and run from the things I've done and the people I hurt. It's been 3+ years and I still haven't forgiven myself or even tried to speak to another woman. So the point of my jumbled story is, how do I go forward after so long? How can I restart or reach out to someone for a relationship? I literally haven't even tried to get a girls number, nudes, go out, nothing. I have been working and helping tend to animals and I believe that I let myself to far into isolation to get out. Am I too scarred to be loved or do you think I have a chance
Sounds like you are dealing with a number of emotions.
Affirm this daily and often "I love myself enough to forgive myself"
and really mean it when you speak those words. Start by loving and forgiving yourself.
Hey man. Many people make mistakes in their life, including their love life. The key is to not only forgive yourself so that you can move on, but also to commit to being a better person. Commit to not repeating your previous mistakes. That is the step that many screw-ups forget to do. Forgive yourself, tell yourself that you're better than that, and then be better.
Oh and in case you're unclear on what you should be better at, here's an easy guide - don't lie, don't cheat, don't steal and practice the golden rule.
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