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I agree we should all meet halfway, but so far for centuries its been men calling all the shots, and women are just starting to gain a little courage and making tiny headway.
I would actually PREFER if women were traditionally the approachers. To me asking someone out is no big deal. I have done it before.
But its not socially acceptable to do so because it makes us look "easy" or desperate if we do. The one who gets to be the asker has the advantage imo. So, I don't think its something to complain about or feel sorry for them about. In my experience, men don't really like when the woman does that, despite them saying they do. They like to be in control. So I have stopped doing it just because I have noticed most men don't respond very well to it.
This is deep-rooted for women like myself, was taught by my Mother and Grandmother to be a Lady,
to act and behave like a Lady. A Lady would never call up a man to ask him to go out on a date back
in the day when there were a curfew and escort. We were taught many good values, morals, and
respect. The men were taught to be gentlemen as well.
When there's something in the mail, the boys check the package first, take notes on the vehicle
it was delivered from (her automobile speaks volumes about her status) forget about what's inside.
They just assume they know what to expect from the appearance and make their decision instantly.
Fast forward, here we are, wondering what happened? Why is everything so different? Why is it so
difficult to arrange/meet someone for coffee? And, then stay there for hours sipping coffee.
From that one cup of (cold) coffee, we learn so much about the person sitting opposite.
Depending on the person, what they were taught, one can observe so much without repetitious questions.
It's possible the fancy gold watch could be borrowed just for the coffee date, but you still would know
that difference by other details.
I'm tired of the dating scene. The mind games. The questions over and over. Maybe it's true the
best way to meet a companion is to go food shopping... look for single men, no wedding rings and
look in their basket - is there food servings for one or more? A large bag of dog food?
This is deep-rooted for women like myself, was taught by my Mother and Grandmother to be a Lady,
to act and behave like a Lady. A Lady would never call up a man to ask him to go out on a date back
in the day when there were a curfew and escort. We were taught many good values, morals, and
respect. The men were taught to be gentlemen as well.
When there's something in the mail, the boys check the package first, take notes on the vehicle
it was delivered from (her automobile speaks volumes about her status) forget about what's inside.
They just assume they know what to expect from the appearance and make their decision instantly.
Fast forward, here we are, wondering what happened? Why is everything so different? Why is it so
difficult to arrange/meet someone for coffee? And, then stay there for hours sipping coffee.
From that one cup of (cold) coffee, we learn so much about the person sitting opposite.
Depending on the person, what they were taught, one can observe so much without repetitious questions.
It's possible the fancy gold watch could be borrowed just for the coffee date, but you still would know
that difference by other details.
I'm tired of the dating scene. The mind games. The questions over and over. Maybe it's true the
best way to meet a companion is to go food shopping... look for single men, no wedding rings and
look in their basket - is there food servings for one or more? A large bag of dog food?
Completely agree with you. Thats how I was raised as well. As hard as it was for me, especially when I was younger, I knew I had to do the approaching. I preferred to be set up through mutual friends and it worked very well for me all the way until the app culture and popularity of online dating.
Now? Forget it. Its not even worth the effort. I wish I had been able to meet a woman in a grocery store during the last 8 years living in this hellish midwestern town. In grocery stores where I live, the ones I'm attracted to all have rings on. The gym you never know, so I've never attempted there. It is loaded with attractive women, but the married ones take their rings off before working out, so you just don't know their status.
When you are playing games often you are angry at the other gender and trying to lash out or punish the other gender for sins that are either real or imagined in your head.
Where as game is the set of skills that has to do both with self mastery, understanding your own issues and managing them better, but also having some empathy for what is going through the mind of the person you are interested in and figuring out how demonstrate to her in way that doesn't come across as manipulative. Men and women have very different life experiences. Its easy to straw man the other genders life experience and imagine that they have it so much easier. Its more difficult, but also more productive, to show concern and care for what makes dating difficult for women and to help solves those problems in a way that makes her feel both safe and secure, while letting her know clearly your sexual agenda without her feeling like you are intending on imposing it on her.
Game: It's CONFIDENTLY using your attributes, characteristics, and overall personality to win the affection of the woman/ man you want. You can't have game if you don't know yourself; you can't be confident in what you're ignorant of.
Playing “games” : There are a number of reasons people play mind games, but the goal is usually to gain a sense of control or power over another person. The player wants to get a specific response, but instead of telling you what they need or asking for what they want, they try to get their needs met by using manipulative tactics.
Game: It's CONFIDENTLY using your attributes, characteristics, and overall personality to win the affection of the woman/ man you want. You can't have game if you don't know yourself; you can't be confident in what you're ignorant of.
Playing “games” : There are a number of reasons people play mind games, but the goal is usually to gain a sense of control or power over another person. The player wants to get a specific response, but instead of telling you what they need or asking for what they want, they try to get their needs met by using manipulative tactics.
So you are telling me to believe that the same word (game) has different meanings. Isn't that ignorantly confident?
So you are telling me to believe that the same word (game) has different meanings. Isn't that ignorantly confident?
Sydney delineated the meanings of the word in different contexts. If you live in the English speaking west, I'd think you'd know the distinction. Or are you suggesting that "game", the art of engaging someone socially, is also game playing in the sense of being disingenuous, wasting people's time, etc.?
This is deep-rooted for women like myself, was taught by my Mother and Grandmother to be a Lady,
to act and behave like a Lady. A Lady would never call up a man to ask him to go out on a date back
in the day when there were a curfew and escort. We were taught many good values, morals, and
respect. The men were taught to be gentlemen as well.
When there's something in the mail, the boys check the package first, take notes on the vehicle
it was delivered from (her automobile speaks volumes about her status) forget about what's inside.
They just assume they know what to expect from the appearance and make their decision instantly.
Fast forward, here we are, wondering what happened? Why is everything so different? Why is it so
difficult to arrange/meet someone for coffee? And, then stay there for hours sipping coffee.
From that one cup of (cold) coffee, we learn so much about the person sitting opposite.
Depending on the person, what they were taught, one can observe so much without repetitious questions.
It's possible the fancy gold watch could be borrowed just for the coffee date, but you still would know
that difference by other details.
I'm tired of the dating scene. The mind games. The questions over and over. Maybe it's true the
best way to meet a companion is to go food shopping... look for single men, no wedding rings and
look in their basket - is there food servings for one or more? A large bag of dog food?
Interesting points here!
I think before the Internet age, people would meet at school, in college, their parents would set them up with the sons or daughters of their friends, or they would meet through hobbies and events in the community. And in smaller towns, most people know of each other, and reputation is important.
I think things changed when we stopped living in smallish towns, and young adults moved far away from their families to big cities where most people are anonymous, and where they usually don't know anybody. There is less "community" in large cities, its just vast numbers of anonymous strangers co-existing, and things like reputation, community-standing, etc., usually don't come into play when vetting a date or partner, as they would in a small town where everybody knows of everybody.
Also people are becoming more preoccupied with materialism, and status, over morals and character. If someone can impress their date with that gold watch, like you said, maybe they don't need to put so much emphasis on their character or moral fiber.
I feel kind of nostalgic for the small town times when reputation was important and people couldn't really hide behind anonymity. Though in big cities we certainly have more dating options, more singles, usually, but the quality of the people might not always be the best.
This is deep-rooted for women like myself, was taught by my Mother and Grandmother to be a Lady,
to act and behave like a Lady. A Lady would never call up a man to ask him to go out on a date back
in the day when there were a curfew and escort. We were taught many good values, morals, and
respect. The men were taught to be gentlemen as well.
When there's something in the mail, the boys check the package first, take notes on the vehicle
it was delivered from (her automobile speaks volumes about her status) forget about what's inside.
They just assume they know what to expect from the appearance and make their decision instantly.
Fast forward, here we are, wondering what happened? Why is everything so different? Why is it so
difficult to arrange/meet someone for coffee? And, then stay there for hours sipping coffee.
From that one cup of (cold) coffee, we learn so much about the person sitting opposite.
Depending on the person, what they were taught, one can observe so much without repetitious questions.
It's possible the fancy gold watch could be borrowed just for the coffee date, but you still would know
that difference by other details.
I'm tired of the dating scene. The mind games. The questions over and over. Maybe it's true the
best way to meet a companion is to go food shopping... look for single men, no wedding rings
look in their basket - is there food servings for one or more? A large bag of dog food?
When you think about it, on line dating is really an on line introduction with a self arranged blind date.
It hasn't been around long enough to an have agreed upon social etiquette. So the experience with it if you are a guy trying to figure it out initially is almost everything you do, is going to get pushback from some woman who is upset with your decision. With women for instance there is no agreed upon consensus of how soon is too soon or too slow too meet up. So there will be some women who will be complaining that if you ask them out, that you are pressuring them to move too quickly, but other woman in the same exact situation will be upset that you aren't asking them out soon enough, why aren't you showing initiative, are you just sending me messages here to lead me on and catfish me? So there can be this sense especially when you are new to this , that no matter what you do you are doing it wrong. Moreover there are guys who are writing to 40 women who get no replies back.
All of that creates both a sense of insecurity and desperation, which I think leads to game playing.
At the same time if you are a guy who has better verbal skills or if he is more attractive, on line dating has helped those guys. If you are a more attractive male, women are less accusatory in there interactions. Additionally if your verbal skills are better you are able to both avoid creating the situations that get women upset, but also just better at defusing women when they are upset. These guys are the winners in a winner take all dating market and these guys are not lacking in dating options.
The super abundance of choice for these guys creates a different type of game playing.
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