Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I would like it if things changed in this direction. I think being the hunter would be better than being the hunted. I don't really enjoy being approached. Most people might thing women love it, it boosts our ego or something. But it makes me feel....hunted. When I go out for an errand I am not trying to look attractive because if I do, guys see it as me wanting to be approached.
Maybe this goes back to the days when I was working at an office with a dress code, so I was wearing skirts and heels, and sometimes I would stop into Walmart for something while dressed this way, and guys seemed to see it as an invitation to follow me around and ask me out etc., while I was just trying to do an errand. I didn't like it. I felt jeered at and frankly it felt a bit unsafe at times. There were many big men around, and very few women.
As a thought experiment, what if things were reversed? What if it were NOT socially acceptable for men to ask women out, but it WAS socially acceptable for women to ask men? So men, you can't ever stare at or approach a woman in public. You have to wait for HER to approach YOU.
To me, that would be a much better world.
Men, be honest, would you like this alternate reality?
I think most guys would love it if they got attention lol.
As someone who’s shy at first a women breaking the ice and showing interest would be perfect for me.
I would like it if things changed in this direction. I think being the hunter would be better than being the hunted. I don't really enjoy being approached. Most people might thing women love it, it boosts our ego or something. But it makes me feel....hunted. When I go out for an errand I am not trying to look attractive because if I do, guys see it as me wanting to be approached.
Maybe this goes back to the days when I was working at an office with a dress code, so I was wearing skirts and heels, and sometimes I would stop into Walmart for something while dressed this way, and guys seemed to see it as an invitation to follow me around and ask me out etc., while I was just trying to do an errand. I didn't like it. I felt jeered at and frankly it felt a bit unsafe at times. There were many big men around, and very few women.
As a thought experiment, what if things were reversed? What if it were NOT socially acceptable for men to ask women out, but it WAS socially acceptable for women to ask men? So men, you can't ever stare at or approach a woman in public. You have to wait for HER to approach YOU.
To me, that would be a much better world.
Men, be honest, would you like this alternate reality?
You are going to change the analogy. A better analogy is how comfortable would a guy feel about the attention he gets going into a gay bar when you are the smallest weakest guy in the gay bar. That gets at the power imbalance and the uncomfortableness of the unwanted sexual attention.
I came across some videos on YouTube lately about the differences between online dating for men and for women. The youtube stars were Abe & Preach.
The gyst of their argument was that women have no game because they rely on their looks and their popularity (just based on being female) on online dating. They were downright hostile at "female privilege," while saying that as men, who don't naturally take as attractive photos as women do (assuming everyone is motivated by looks), as men they must fall back on "game," and, women simply don't get this struggle. There was a definite resentment based on the assumption that women can just look pretty and get dates, while men must be delivering the one liners and jokes and seriously chatting up every one to even get one date.
I don't know if this is true. When I chat with someone, usually I am just seeing if he seems to get me and has empathy and understands me and can have a conversation. Then again I did give up on OLD awhile ago, so maybe I am out of touch with what is going on there.
But I do see people argue on this forum about whether or not women should approach.
Guys, if a woman approaches you on OLD do you expect her to spit game? Or do you just judge her on her attractiveness from her photos? Or do you seek a deeper connection?
I am just wondering if OLD should be or is veering in the direction of women being the approachers and if so, if that is really working out?
Ignore these clowns. Men nowadays will do and say anything under the sun to get women to lower their value so they can get them with as little effort as possible. Ignore them.
See, back in the old days, men didn't have to talk much and they'd still get a woman. Just have a good job, be a good provider, and be a "nice guy" and you'd get yourself a woman. Those were back in the days when women needed men to survive. Men didn't have to have conversation skills. Most men don't talk much. They just kind of grunt and stuff, and showed up and that was always okay. Now they have to know how to talk and that just really throws them for a loop. Now they actually have to say something interesting to get a girls attention. They are about 30 years behind women on the communication front and this pisses them off that they have to do this work. It's time to catch up.
That said, I do feel that the more "beautiful" a man or a woman is, the less they will develop their other attractive personality traits, because why bother, they don't have to. This may be annoying to some, but many others just don't care. Either way, the bimbos and himbos have no shortage of admirers. So hey guys, if you want a woman who goes after you first, be okay with landing yourself an ugly woman. You do have a choice.
I think most guys would love it if they got attention lol.
As someone who’s shy at first a women breaking the ice and showing interest would be perfect for me.
You say you think "most" guys would love it but I honestly question that.
Would you personally prefer a cat call or a more respectful approach?
Quote:
Originally Posted by shelato
You are going to change the analogy. A better analogy is how comfortable would a guy feel about the attention he gets going into a gay bar when you are the smallest weakest guy in the gay bar. That gets at the power imbalance and the uncomfortableness of the unwanted sexual attention.
This is true. The strength and power imbalance is a huge part in it. A 200 lb man being admired by a 120 lb female is not likely to feel threatened...unless she is his boss or has some power over him. But not based on physique alone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
Ignore these clowns. Men nowadays will do and say anything under the sun to get women to lower their value so they can get them with as little effort as possible. Ignore them.
See, back in the old days, men didn't have to talk much and they'd still get a woman. Just have a good job, be a good provider, and be a "nice guy" and you'd get yourself a woman. Those were back in the days when women needed men to survive. Men didn't have to have conversation skills. Most men don't talk much. They just kind of grunt and stuff, and showed up and that was always okay. Now they have to know how to talk and that just really throws them for a loop. Now they actually have to say something interesting to get a girls attention. They are about 30 years behind women on the communication front and this pisses them off that they have to do this work. It's time to catch up.
That said, I do feel that the more "beautiful" a man or a woman is, the less they will develop their other attractive personality traits, because why bother, they don't have to. This may be annoying to some, but many others just don't care. Either way, the bimbos and himbos have no shortage of admirers. So hey guys, if you want a woman who goes after you first, be okay with landing yourself an ugly woman. You do have a choice.
Totally true. Of course they would love if we just start flocking to them so they don't have to do anything.
Last edited by moongirl00; 06-15-2020 at 07:02 PM..
You say you think "most" guys would love it but I honestly question that.
Would you personally prefer a cat call or a more respectful approach?
This is true. The strength and power imbalance is a huge part in it. A 200 lb man being admired by a 120 lb female is not likely to feel threatened...unless she is his boss or has some power over him. But not based on physique alone.
Totally true. Of course they would love if we just start flocking to them so they don't have to do anything.
My experience is that while guys SAY they'd like it and maybe do get a bit of a "boost" out of female attention, they don't actually end up going out with these women.
Because most men want to decide who they go out with. They feel that if they somehow overlooked this woman it was for a reason - and maybe she's asking him out now. Maybe that's kinda cool....but naaaaah - she's not for me or I'd have already noticed her myself!
Doesn't matter whether it's actually true or not but that is their perception so I don't think they seriously consider women who approach them unless they are GORGEOUS...otherwise, they may not even realize the woman is coming on to them...because THEY didn't pick HER to begin with.
Ignore these clowns. Men nowadays will do and say anything under the sun to get women to lower their value so they can get them with as little effort as possible. Ignore them.
See, back in the old days, men didn't have to talk much and they'd still get a woman. Just have a good job, be a good provider, and be a "nice guy" and you'd get yourself a woman. Those were back in the days when women needed men to survive. Men didn't have to have conversation skills. Most men don't talk much. They just kind of grunt and stuff, and showed up and that was always okay. Now they have to know how to talk and that just really throws them for a loop. Now they actually have to say something interesting to get a girls attention. They are about 30 years behind women on the communication front and this pisses them off that they have to do this work. It's time to catch up.
That said, I do feel that the more "beautiful" a man or a woman is, the less they will develop their other attractive personality traits, because why bother, they don't have to. This may be annoying to some, but many others just don't care. Either way, the bimbos and himbos have no shortage of admirers. So hey guys, if you want a woman who goes after you first, be okay with landing yourself an ugly woman. You do have a choice.
Yep. The ability to talk a good game nowadays put the dishonest, flashy, or confident guys in favor over the actual husband-type men.
I think that when women do reach out and make the first move that's it's usually more subtle. Like they are making it obvious that they are interested but almost like they seem like they are letting the man still think that he picked her. I'm not sure if that is making any sense or not.
It makes sense to me. Not too different from dropping the lace hankie days, I guess? A 21th century version of it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
My experience is that while guys SAY they'd like it and maybe do get a bit of a "boost" out of female attention, they don't actually end up going out with these women.
Because most men want to decide who they go out with. They feel that if they somehow overlooked this woman it was for a reason - and maybe she's asking him out now. Maybe that's kinda cool....but naaaaah - she's not for me or I'd have already noticed her myself!
Doesn't matter whether it's actually true or not but that is their perception so I don't think they seriously consider women who approach them unless they are GORGEOUS...otherwise, they may not even realize the woman is coming on to them...because THEY didn't pick HER to begin with.
Makes sense to me. This has been my thinking on it as well!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob-Man
Yep. The ability to talk a good game nowadays put the dishonest, flashy, or confident guys in favor over the actual husband-type men.
Probably true! The "dishonest, flashy, confident" guys are probably just looking for a conquest. The husband types are probably looking for a connection.
Yep. The ability to talk a good game nowadays put the dishonest, flashy, or confident guys in favor over the actual husband-type men.
well that depends on how you define "talk a good game". If being able to hold a conversation and say something more than "hey" or "wyd" is talking a good game, then yes, please learn how to talk a good game. Women want to be able to talk with their husbands now. They want to emotionally connect.
I'm afraid to even ask what you define as a "husband-type".....
Probably true! The "dishonest, flashy, confident" guys are probably just looking for a conquest. The husband types are probably looking for a connection.
Right! Same reason why fast food looks good and tastes good, but is bad for you in the long run.
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
well that depends on how you define "talk a good game". If being able to hold a conversation and say something more than "hey" or "wyd" is talking a good game, then yes, please learn how to talk a good game. Women want to be able to talk with their husbands now. They want to emotionally connect.
I'm afraid to even ask what you define as a "husband-type".....
A husband type, is more like Obama.
Confident, but not arrogant.
Self-respecting, but not a narcissist.
Intelligent, but not an overachieving know-it-all.
Gentleman, but not a simp.
Great character, but not a yes-man.
Humble, but not insecure.
Who wouldn’t want that? I’m in favor of guys being honest, but nowadays people are easily swayed with instant gratification.
Ignore these clowns. Men nowadays will do and say anything under the sun to get women to lower their value so they can get them with as little effort as possible. Ignore them.
See, back in the old days, men didn't have to talk much and they'd still get a woman. Just have a good job, be a good provider, and be a "nice guy" and you'd get yourself a woman. Those were back in the days when women needed men to survive. Men didn't have to have conversation skills. Most men don't talk much. They just kind of grunt and stuff, and showed up and that was always okay. Now they have to know how to talk and that just really throws them for a loop. Now they actually have to say something interesting to get a girls attention. They are about 30 years behind women on the communication front and this pisses them off that they have to do this work. It's time to catch up.
That said, I do feel that the more "beautiful" a man or a woman is, the less they will develop their other attractive personality traits, because why bother, they don't have to. This may be annoying to some, but many others just don't care. Either way, the bimbos and himbos have no shortage of admirers. So hey guys, if you want a woman who goes after you first, be okay with landing yourself an ugly woman. You do have a choice.
Only about 20% of men are going to have the conversational skills that 80% of women are looking for. That leaves us with a whole lot of unhappy people!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
