When both spouses work, how do you get your chores done? (how to, marriage)

[graceC]

Originally Posted by Capt. Dan

Does it HAVE to be THAT clean?

No, not THAT clean We only do it every other week since it's just the two of us. So twice a month of thorough cleaning is not a big deal. My husband is actually the clean freak in the house (perhaps because he vacuums and I don't so he notices dirt on the floor while I blithely ignore it), so when I track mud all over the floor from the garden, he'll freak out and start chasing after me with his vacuum cleaner

[HighlandsGal]

We like clean, or at least de-cluttered. But with our dog, vacuuming and dusting must be done at least once a week.

[doglover29]

I'm not even really talking about clean--I'm just talking about picking up the house and tidying/taking out trash/keeping the kitchen clean. The only room I clean every day (wipe counters, load dishwasher, clean off table, etc.) is the kitchen.

We go to the grocery store once a week but that really isn't enough. We make simple meals but my husband and I make our own meals because I'm a vegetarian and he's not and we don't eat the same things.

For instance, today I spent an hour and a half just picking up/tidying, making the bed, emptying trash cans, putting away clothes, wiping down the bathroom counters and doing one load of laundry. It took me an hour and a half to do all that--and that was only the upstairs! I don't know what my problem is.

And we don't even have kids!

[therewego]

It sounds like a lot of "I" in there, where is the "we"??? When we both worked and had no kids, we would do a thorough cleaning, twice a month, every other Saturday or Sunday; the lawn got done every weekend or in an evening. As for Target and grocery, we'd do that in the evenings, as a matter of fact, we enjoyed doing that. If he is not helping you, I think it would justify you hiring someone to help out with the thorough cleaning, washing, etc.

[doglover29]

My husband works 80 hours a week, so I don't expect that he should help me much. When he comes home he's exhausted.

[#Littledog]

Originally Posted by andreaspercheron

Kudos, DimSumRaja! Excellent response! I'm with you and to be perfectly honest here, the other poster had a good idea too. Lower your standards a little. Both of us work, we run errands and do grocery shopping on the weekends EARLY and then by 11:00 or so (sometimes earlier) we are done and have the rest of the day to play. During the week, we usually make dinner, if something needs picked up, usually I do it since I'm home earlier. After dinner, depending on who cooks, the kids clean up or one of us do. we all live in the house, we all share the duties. If you have kids, even if they are younger (7,8) its time to start helping out. I hate it when I see parents coddling kids until they are teenagers and then wonder why they don't lift a finger around the house. Between you, your spouse and kids - everything you need to have done can be and if you can't get it all done, don't worry about it. Read the book "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" and it will open your eyes a little. As long as everyone is fed, house is tidy and trash is taken out, the rest can wait. With everything being online, there shouldn't be much you can't do as far as errands online (i.e., paying bills, ordering stuff, etc). I used to really obsess over a spotless house, perfectly coifed kids and beautiful picture for my friends to see and then realized I was spending more time scrubbing floors then playing wtih my kids and doing what I liked doing. Trust me, life is too short.

I agree wholeheartedly, life is too short. Take care of the main things (dishes, groceries, cooking, trash, paying bills, wash some clothes) but try not to obsess about having everything spotless. I still cringe when I see our unfolded laundry (it gets clean but rarely is folded neatly and put away). My husband and I gradually developed a system where our preferences and talents dictated who did what. I love to cook so I do the grocery shopping, cooking and usually the clean up. He's into clothes and he does the washing, ironing, and trips to the dry cleaners. I love yard work but hate paying the bills (I get heart palpitations! LOL) so he pays the bills on-line while I cut grass, rake leaves, garden. Our house never looks perfect but it looks good enough. Check out the "Flylady" who has some good tips. She has her own website and books.

[#Littledog]

Originally Posted by therewego

It sounds like a lot of "I" in there, where is the "we"??? When we both worked and had no kids, we would do a thorough cleaning, twice a month, every other Saturday or Sunday; the lawn got done every weekend or in an evening. As for Target and grocery, we'd do that in the evenings, as a matter of fact, we enjoyed doing that. If he is not helping you, I think it would justify you hiring someone to help out with the thorough cleaning, washing, etc.

Oh, I forgot this might be a possibility-maybe you're doing all the work which is too much if you're both working. Sometimes men need a little incentive...if he's interested in a little wink-wink, nudge-nudge before bed, my hubbie now knows he needs to help me with chores or I'll be too tired. Or if he wants to go out with his friends or go to a sporting event, he kicks it into high gear the week before or he knows I'll have a fit if he tries to go out while I'll stuck at home cleaning or tending to the kids. A lot of men need these things spelled out for them-at least mine did and we finally have a pretty good system.

[bluegrassgirl]

Managing a household means setting priorities. I raised two very active and involved kids by myself. That often meant laundry at 6:00 in the morning and finishing it at 11:00 at night. It meant running the vacumn while I was waiting on one of them to change for a ball practice, etc. It meant doing the dishes from the night before while I was cooking dinner for the current night. You learn to schedule and what's really important. Kids nor yourself will remember how spotless a house was in 20 years.... however, the special things will be treasured.

[Cecilia_Rose]

Originally Posted by doglover29

My husband works 80 hours a week, so I don't expect that he should help me much. When he comes home he's exhausted.

The way I see it taking care of the house/kids is a job. This doesnt mean its a womans job. Its a job. If you both work then both of you should share this third job. Because your Dh is already working two jobs that means in youve taken over the house job by yourself. That means you also are working two jobs. Hes working two jobs. Hes exhausted. Youre working two jobs. Its normal to be exhausted.


JMO but I would spring for a housekeeper. Especially since your DH is working that many hours and you are working too. This way you two could enjoy the time you have together instead of you being all stressed cause the toilet needs cleaned.

Oh and some house cleaners do laundry. I do. I do a load or so of easy stuff like towels and jeans while I clean. I wont do any delicate stuff. I leave that for my peeps.

[djf863000]

Originally Posted by doglover29

Often I feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities of managing a household and getting chores done. When both spouses work, how do you manage these things? Groceries, Target, errands, dry cleaning, workmen, cleaning, etc.--it seems like handling all of these takes up so much time. How do you and your spouse handle household responsibilities? We tend to do many of them together, but it eats up entire evenings after work, which I would much prefer to spend having fun. But groceries need to be shopped for, errands need to be done, etc. Do you do all these things on one day or do you space them out over the week?

I guess the same a single person does it, living alone and working over 50 to 60hrs a week. (that's me). I do it on weekends if i am not to tired, otherwise my house becomes a mess.