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Walk away now. The present situation is poisoning you. The so-called “relationship” has come and gone, it's dead. Being alone will allow you to refresh your energies and find a more productive situation.
I used to be like you. I had always been in a relationship since I was 18, always had someone there or someone to talk to, and then I found myself out on a limb by myself. And I was afraid to just go with the next guy for fear of being taken for a ride like I had been in the past. So I had to learn how to live with myself, by myself and for myself. I had to learn how to sit alone with my own thoughts. I had to learn how to entertain myself. I had to learn to live with not having anyone to talk to and how to go places alone. I had to learn to be strong all by myself. I had to learn how to fulfill my own needs. All of this can be done and you'll be okay. It's totally okay and you may even enjoy some of it some of the time.
I am on the rocks with a three year relationship, but the thought of breaking up terrifies me because I am so scared to be alone and to not have him in my daily life. You get so used to speaking on a daily basis and always having someone to tell things to, I can't imagine just losing that. I am scared that while we have had our fair share of problems, there's a chance I never find someone better and that I regret my decision. He's the best partner I've ever had, but it's really the only realistic relationship I've ever been in. I don't think I'll ever be able to decipher if this is "it" for me with no other relationships to compare it to. But I still can't shake the feeling that I'm so scared of being alone again- how do you work through these feelings?
As I said in my previous post, be a grown up and face your fears.
A relationship should be an enhancement. It should never be about having someone complete you it should be about someone who enhances you and your life.
By going into a relationship or even a non-romantic relationship expecting someone to complete you or for you to find a missing part of yourself will often get you in trouble.
I think many relationships fail because both people expect far too much of each other--lover, confidante, life coach, financial planner, therapist, champion, entertainer, constant companion, etc.
It's a LOT to put on one person, when many of those roles can be filled by friends, therapists and dogs.
This quote from Zentropa (probably misspelled that) on another post is very accurate and relates to my previous post.
There is fear now, but after you are immersed in your studies, you will find them all-consuming. Law is a difficult business. Research if this is what you really want, not because of years of dedication, but because of satisfaction, and if it is still what you want, immerse yourself deeply, immensely, and overwhelmingly. For having completed nearly 12+ years of straight graduate school in a business I love (with the last 8 in a relationship that didn't last anyway, but we got a child who is the love of my life, so I can't complain), it is critically important you find what you are dedicated to presently. You are not dedicated to this guy (and he may wait in the wings), but you are dedicated to you, and I truly hope you make yourself the priority.
Extrication from a dating relationship doesn't mean a full disconnect. I've only once found someone worth returning to, and we were together for 3 years (absent 7 months). I hope to reconnect. But I found my full connection with my profession, found a salary that can pay my bills, found an opportunity to be promoted within the field, and found satisfaction in going to work every day. And in all of that, with a move 900 miles away, she encouraged me to go. I hope you find your balance and your bliss. And if you truly go into law, I hope you find your real satisfaction.
I'm perfectly fine being alone and at times I prefer it this way.
My advise would be to break it off and learn from it. Each failed relationship should bring you closer to finding a better match or turn you into damaged goods.. but hey you can't always predict the future.
biologically speaking you have years to go until you are past your prime.
I am on the rocks with a three year relationship, but the thought of breaking up terrifies me because I am so scared to be alone and to not have him in my daily life. You get so used to speaking on a daily basis and always having someone to tell things to, I can't imagine just losing that. I am scared that while we have had our fair share of problems, there's a chance I never find someone better and that I regret my decision. He's the best partner I've ever had, but it's really the only realistic relationship I've ever been in. I don't think I'll ever be able to decipher if this is "it" for me with no other relationships to compare it to. But I still can't shake the feeling that I'm so scared of being alone again- how do you work through these feelings?
So, you are 22 year old, future law student and already live in fear of being alone?
You need to go out and meet other people, you need to enjoy your youth, go places, explore world, consider a hobby.
Stop being so clingy and dependent on your BF. It's not attractive and often pretty scary.
He might be a great BF, but he is the ONLY BF you ever had. Live a little before you commit. There are other guys to meet. Who knows, maybe better than your BF.
Your anxieties are groundless.
You also should learn how to live alone. At least for a while. Boost your self esteem. Ponder on your life goals. It's good to get all kind of life experiences.
It's also not fair to him, since you feel that the sparks are gone, you're not feeling romantic anymore and you love languages are just not compatible.
It's clearly time to take a break.
I feel you need professional help, some counseling, a help to find your way...
Your username... futurelawMAMA. Are you pregnant??
Do you have family or friends to talk to? Is this about just having somebody to talk to, or is it also about other kinds of security (physical, financial, etc.)?
That is what friends are for. Don't you have other people in your life you and talk to and hang out with? There is nothing to fear about being alone. It is so much better and more peaceful than being in a bad relationship. You are 22 years old and already this afraid of being alone? My mom and most of her friends are all single in their 60's. They have a great time and none of them are even looking for a partner. Don't ever be afraid of being alone. It will make you stay in terrible relationships out of that fear.
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