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Its the 4th of july weekend and I went over to his house to hang out for the weekend, when I got there he was acting distant and was acting that way the entire time actually. It was 5 pm when I arrived at his house and after hanging out watching tv for 3 hours I asked him if we were gonna go get some dinner. He said he didnt want to go anywhere and he wasnt hungry. I told him I was hungry and we could just drive through something really quick instead of going out to eat. He said "You have two legs. You can go get something by yourself." I thought this was really rude but I didnt fight him on it, I just said um ok I'll just wait until you're hungry. Two more hours goes by and he finally agrees to go get taco bell. I was honestly kind of bummed cuz I wanted a nice night out after not seeing him all week, but I didnt make a fuss about it I was just happy to finally eat something. I paid for the food.
The next day he was on the phone the entire day, going outside and then back inside without telling me, I was left to hang out on his bed doing my own thing the entire day, super bored. He left to get coffee in the morning but didnt get me any coffee. We didnt eat that entire day until 5 pm. I asked him if he was hungry and he said no. He said again, I can go get something by myself. I honestly didnt know the area and didnt want to go by myself so I waited until he was hungry again. Finally, about 2 hours later he agreed to go get a pizza with me. We took it home and ate it, he paid for it.
The night prior I got out of the shower and didnt have a towel. Dripping wet, cold and naked, I walk into his bedroom and he was laying down. I asked him TEN TIMES where a towel was, very nicely, and he pretended to be asleep, totally ignoring me. I shook him and said "Andy, do you have a towel?" He said "You're so annoying! WHAT!? Go FIND ONE YOURSELF!" so I had to look around his room for a towel and found one in his laundry basket. That night in bed, I asked him to cuddle me twice, both times he ignored me.
So today, after eating the pizza, he was acting super cold and not affectionate, being busy on his phone again. I sat down on the couch next to his feet and he said, "There's an empty seat right there." pointing to another chair by his head. I said "This is fine." He said "I told Leo I would meet him in 30 mins so you should probably leave in like 15 minutes." ITS THE FOURTH OF JULY! I said "What?? Why are you being so cold? Why are you acting this way?" He said "Because of the way you're acting. You wont stop bugging me all weekend about getting food. Maybe you should eat before you get here." I said, "We didnt eat all day. It was already 5 pm. I just didnt want to go somewhere alone." He said "Maybe I should find a more independent woman." I said, "You know what? Thats a great idea." I grabbed my keys and left. He didnt even try to stop me or anything. When I got home I realized he had deleted me on instagram.
What the heck? Was it really my fault? I dont understand, it doesn't make any sense.
Edit - before all of you start saying he was probably cheating, I really dont think he was because he had his phone next to me a lot of the day and I could see he was actually texting and calling his guy friends, specifically 2 of his best guy friends the majority of the weekend.
Who the hell cares if he is cheating? He's a jerk. Dump him before it's too late.
You think you are in a relationship
You are not
Stop hurting yourself
The minute you inject an ounce of fairness into this game you will never see him again
Leave now
There are worse things than being alone
Go find a a coda 12 step meeting and get some counseling
He just texted me this (no I have not been texting him). He ALWAYS comes back a day or two later apologizing and this is why I would take him back before -
"After sitting around thinking about the words I chose with you the other day, I apologize. Those were cold cruel words coming from my own darkness that I shouldn't have spread onto you. Regardless of where my position in life stands, I should have spoken to you in a level headed manner. When you began attacking me, I attacked back.
When I saw you about to cry, it broke my heart. Being the stubborn me, I didnt want to show you I care. You twisted my words as if I was attacking you on Friday when I wasn't and I just wanted to sit around and relax with you. I should have spoken up more about my plans while you were here and I apologize for that. I apologize for saying what I said and I apologize for hurting you. I apologize for my text this morning and I apologize for our arguments.
Yes, you're beautiful. Yes, you're a sweetheart with a beautiful soul. You're a magnificent person to be around. I was becoming angry because I was beginning to fall in love with you and its something I'm afraid of. I enjoyed many moments with you and this only validated specific things I need to work on. I enjoyed many laughs, your smiles, your cuddles, and love. I hope your dad doesnt have prostate cancer and I hope everything falls in place for you. Your business will flourish and take over the world, and you will one day see the true greatness inside you that you don't see, take care."
Two things:
#1) It matters NONE if he's not that into you. He is not a good guy. It's not about you.
#2) There are people who are worse than not being into you. That's fine and normal. That's NOT what this is about. According to one source, 1 in 25 people are sociopaths. That doesn't mean they will murder people. Or even necessarily hit you. But they aren't going to be able to feel remorse for any behavior so they are dangerous for your mental health. I feel like he might qualify.
I also feel he is going to escalate this because he is used to you caving and now you aren't. BLOCK HIM. I assume he knows where you live? I once had a boyfriend like this. I lived in a town about an hour from him. I used to always go to see him. When I finally broke up with him, I was GLAD he didn't know where I lived. He found out I had a date with someone else and called me every 2 minutes nonstop.
#3 Watch some Dateline. Sometimes these manipulators go too far.
Yes I blocked him. The whole day yesterday he was peppering me with texts, some texts were apologies, others were trying to place the blame back on me, others were him trying to act like what he did was no big deal. I texted him one more time (I know, I know) saying "I gave you an out since you clearly dont want to be in this relationship. Why keep texting me?" He didnt reply all night and so that morning I blocked him because contrary to what some people are saying here how I am a glutton for punishment, I am done.
The reason why I didnt automatically block him was because there were still residual feelings there and I wasn't sure if his apology was genuine. Stupid, yes. But I spent the last 3 months making really great memories with him, so its difficult to just walk away from that overnight. That weekend showed me there was no more "love" left, I didnt even want to be there anymore, and he obviously didnt want to be around me either for whatever reason.
Makes me mad whenever I think about him saying he didnt want to go out Friday and Saturday with me but the second he kicks me out, he goes to a bar with Leo for hours that night where he said women asked him to dance and he said "no" as if he's some stand up guy. Oh he also said he only had $40 in his account that night because he bought weed and was embarrassed to tell me.
Good grief, you dodged a bullet by dumping this guy!
Yes I blocked him. The whole day yesterday he was peppering me with texts,
This is why we think he could become violent, or stalkerish.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JuneBaby3
I texted him one more time (I know, I know) saying "I gave you an out since you clearly dont want to be in this relationship. Why keep texting me?"
The problem with the text you sent him, well first problem is now he knows if he sends texts all day, you will eventually reply back. The text you sent is a question. Now, he will feel he needs to answer your question. When you are breaking up with someone, you phrase it in "I" statements. "I am breaking up with you," "I am no longer going to continue this relationship," "I am saying goodbye to you, take care, good bye."
Quote:
Originally Posted by JuneBaby3
The reason why I didnt automatically block him was because there were still residual feelings there and I wasn't sure if his apology was genuine. Stupid, yes. But I spent the last 3 months making really great memories with him, so its difficult to just walk away from that overnight. That weekend showed me there was no more "love" left, I didnt even want to be there anymore, and he obviously didnt want to be around me either for whatever reason.
Have you been in any other relationships that were longer than 3 months? I am asking sincerely. Because the first few months are the honeymoon phase and he should have been treating you like a queen. You said you had a break up after the first month. Clearly you could see it wasn't going to work out, and his behavior last weekend has sealed the deal for you...so that's good. Don't look back now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JuneBaby3
Makes me mad whenever I think about him saying he didnt want to go out Friday and Saturday with me but the second he kicks me out, he goes to a bar with Leo for hours that night where he said women asked him to dance and he said "no" as if he's some stand up guy. Oh he also said he only had $40 in his account that night because he bought weed and was embarrassed to tell me.
You should be mad. That he so obviously wanted to go dancing with other girls at a bar with Leo, but you were in the way. He couldn't get rid of you fast enough and he was glad you left that weekend. As soon as you left, he went to the bar... where he really wanted to be at. I am not saying this to be hurtful. I am saying this so you see who this guy really is and what he really wants to be doing with his life (going to bars, dancing with other girls, and smoking weed all day and night).
You need to go No Contact and you will get over him quickly. I know I am over him now, lol.
3 mos is nothing...that's like the blink of an eye & still the start of the "honeymoon stage", so I guess even an a-hole like that might have actually been HALFWAY MEDIOCRE at best when you were w/ him, so I shudder to think how much harder it would be for you to break up w/ someone if you were w/ him for any longer. This relationship shouldn't have taken any energy on your part.
Also, I never even mentioned in my previous posts about him being a pothead. Why would you even want that anyway?...that 1 thing alone is bad & he's got multiple other horrendous qualities.
Was your OWN father in the picture or was he some loser-ass too who cheated on your mother, acted unscrupulously, skipped town & left you/the family, etc.? As they say women pick men like their fathers. If you father was actually an upstanding, moral, respectable, geuine, honest man, then it boggles me why you'd pick such a loser who doesn't have a pot to p!s$ in.
I hope you didn't like this ex just because he liked you. You need MUCH, MUCH, MUCH, MUCH, did I say MUCH higher standards w/ future guys that you choose to like.
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