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If I was coming from my city of about 30k and dating in say Louisville or Nashville which are both within 2 or so hours away from me then that is one thing.
A city of 450k would be the 2nd largest city in Kentucky and the 3rd largest in Tennessee so that in no way is small. Unless there is something that we don't know about then one should be able to cast a decent net in that area.
If I was coming from my city of about 30k and dating in say Louisville or Nashville which are both within 2 or so hours away from me then that is one thing.
A city of 450k would be the 2nd largest city in Kentucky and the 3rd largest in Tennessee so that in no way is small. Unless there is something that we don't know about then one should be able to cast a decent net in that area.
I just think it's probably my weight. I'm 5'8 but 230. It was probably closer to 270 five years ago. It's a problem I'd like to further address but it's a slow crawl. A better number would be like 160.
I walk 2-3 miles a night when the weather allows. We have a gym at my apartment complex but I feel too out of place to go there. I'd stick out among other people in better shape. I don't know how to use the equipment in there and wouldn't want to look like a bumbling fool trying to use it. Too socially anxious to ask.
The matchmaker is probably struggling to find clients who they think may be interested in dating a bigger person. It's probably the root of my problems in the dating app scene, which has never yielded anything.
I don't know what else is holding me back. Never married, no kids, don't smoke, make solid money, have my own apartment, have my own car, college educated. I would wager those are all good, attractive things. But the weight probably overrides all of it.
I can't see meeting anyone out here unless I get lucky through the matchmaker, which I'm increasingly less confident of. The odds of me meeting someone on my own are slim to none. And even less via dating app.
That's what my wife and I did for almost 2 years before we got married, and we still lived apart for the first 6 years we were married. We lived 70 miles apart and, after we knew we wanted to be together, we'd take turns spending the weekend at each other's place. Sometimes during the week one of us would suggest going out to eat. There's a little town we consider halfway between us. We'd drive there and eat, go drive around the lake talking and being with each other, then go home. Sometimes we'd decide to get a hotel room after we ate. The next morning we'd get up early and both head off to work.
The reason we kept doing this after we got married was jobs and family. She worked at a nearby Army base, plus living with her semi-invalid mother she was taking care of. I had my job I couldn't leave, plus my 2 sons living there with their mother. Could just imagine the tales they would be told if I moved. When I retired, a year after she did, I moved to her place. We've moved since then but she's still putting up with me! lol
The way we looked at it when we were talking about our long distance relationship is, if we wanted it to work, it would. That's what you need to think about. Do you both want it to work? Good luck!
My SO and I were LD for the first couple years seeing each other every couple weekends at first and then practically every weekend. We were about 2 1/2 hours apart by car/train. Being in my late 40's and divorced I loved it! Got my work weeks to myself and had fun on the weekends...and going to the "big city" of Chicago at least once a month. He ended up getting a job in my city and has since bounced back and forth, mostly being able to telecommute while living with me.
Maybe when you're young you think that the ideal is to be joined at the hip constantly gazing into each others eyes but realistically most people don't have a lot of quality time during the week anyway due to work and other commitments so why not just come together on weekends?
Forgot to add, we'll celebrate our 20th anniversary in December. Metty, I was 5'7" and 270, she was 5'1" and 160. That didn't matter to either one of us.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
Reputation: 41376
Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33
Yep.
OP, a 450k city isn't small. I don't see any reason why you'd need to look an hour away.
If you're not having any luck in a city of that size, there is probably a problem that you need to address. And, if that's the case, I doubt your luck will be any better an hour away.
And $3k for a "matchmaker"? That sounds like an escort service.
There could be something about the city that influences the dating choices OP may have turning them into unsavory choices. DC is a prime example. There is just something about dating here that makes it toxic. Going an hour away to Baltimore or 2 to Richmond, the choices just have a more savory vibe.
I’d have no issue dating an hour away when I move to NC since that won’t be with DC traffic.
My SO and I were LD for the first couple years seeing each other every couple weekends at first and then practically every weekend. We were about 2 1/2 hours apart by car/train. Being in my late 40's and divorced I loved it! Got my work weeks to myself and had fun on the weekends...and going to the "big city" of Chicago at least once a month. He ended up getting a job in my city and has since bounced back and forth, mostly being able to telecommute while living with me.
Maybe when you're young you think that the ideal is to be joined at the hip constantly gazing into each others eyes but realistically most people don't have a lot of quality time during the week anyway due to work and other commitments so why not just come together on weekends?
Our situation was similar to yours. We met in our late 30s. For 2.5 years we were a 40 minute drive apart, in good traffic, however we each worked in the opposite direction from where we lived, so getting together after the workday wasn’t realistic. I worked M-F and he worked S-T so we had Friday night until early Sunday morning every weekend.
We alternated weekends, him in the city, me in the ‘burbs. It worked really well, having two different environments to explore. We each essentially had a weekend day and weekday evenings to do our own thing, whether that was seeing friends, a hobby, activity, chores, or just falling asleep in front of the TV after a long day. We are both introverts who are mentally exhausted after the workday so we give each other plenty of space to recharge, while living in the same house.
I just think it's probably my weight. I'm 5'8 but 230. It was probably closer to 270 five years ago. It's a problem I'd like to further address but it's a slow crawl. A better number would be like 160.
I walk 2-3 miles a night when the weather allows. We have a gym at my apartment complex but I feel too out of place to go there. I'd stick out among other people in better shape. I don't know how to use the equipment in there and wouldn't want to look like a bumbling fool trying to use it. Too socially anxious to ask.
The matchmaker is probably struggling to find clients who they think may be interested in dating a bigger person. It's probably the root of my problems in the dating app scene, which has never yielded anything.
I don't know what else is holding me back. Never married, no kids, don't smoke, make solid money, have my own apartment, have my own car, college educated. I would wager those are all good, attractive things. But the weight probably overrides all of it.
I can't see meeting anyone out here unless I get lucky through the matchmaker, which I'm increasingly less confident of. The odds of me meeting someone on my own are slim to none. And even less via dating app.
It may be more of a confidence thing as well. Sometimes we guys like to think we have it all together at the surface and maybe we do, but if we start to doubt ourselves then that is when we can get into some trouble. Eventually, those doubts start to seep through and can come out in our daily lives. Women seem to be extremely good at identifying any doubts even before we can see them in ourselves.
I'm a bit on the heavy side as well and am starting to gradually lose weight as well. When you do lose that weight it does help to boost your confidence as well. Maybe going to your apartment complex and working out although uncomfortable is something that needs to happen. It can be your moment where you say I am confident in my abilities and my ability to improve myself that I will do this and I don't care who will judge me for it.
A commute for any reason is a waste of time. My time is too valuable to sit in traffic.
In any major metro you can find a good job and nice home within 5 miles of each other.
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