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Human cloning is illegal, so you're out of luck! (Besides, if you weren't cloned at birth your clone would be a baby.)
Anyway, the best relationships start with people who share compatible values and beliefs, life goals, and some shared interests. Those form the basis of connection and ease of togetherness over time. Add in some non-deal-breaker interests and behaviors (plus curiosity), and you have the ingredients for growth, learning, and exploration, which are necessary to keep the relationship interesting.
I'm seeing a contradiction in the bolded. I don't know how hypothetical your examples are; if these represent your true interests, then traveling the world conflicts with your being super frugal. Your cheap ideal mate wouldn't approve your travel expenses.
But, one can also travel frugally... sure, travel's going to take your money and if you're really interested in spending as little as possible then you're going to stay home, but you can stay at cheap places, avoid tourist traps, etc. vs. flying there first-class, staying in the fancy hotels, eating in the fancy restaurants, etc.
If I'm super frugal, I want to be with someone cheap to avoid money spending arguments.
If I love to travel, I want to be with someone who will travel the world with me.
If I'm a foodie, I want someone who will try and eat new types of foods with me.
If I'm a neat freak, I want to live with someone who will keep everything clean.
If I hate being hot, I want to live with someone who wants the temperature always cool.
If my love language is quality time, I want my SO to spend quality time focused on me.
If my love language is physical touch, I want my SO to be very affectionate.
I don't know about you, but most of my arguments in my marriage stem because we are so different and have different values & priorities. If you think about an ideal world, wouldn't being with a clone of yourself be ideal? Yes I know there are exceptions, I'm asking this question in a more high-level general way. For example, in the 7 bullets I provided above, they are perfect reasons why a clone of yourself is perfect.
A successful relationship is all about compromising, but we only compromise because we are different. Imagine if you never had to compromise because everything is the same and aligns with you perfectly...
I was more of a spender than my spouse and we never fought about money. We were grown ups. Working adults. The idea of one person telling the other that they were not 'allowed' to buy something is just laughable to me. He'd buy $300 shoes when he needed a new pair. I'd never in a million years spend that on shoes. My answer to him was "Enjoy! Glad you like them."
The food thing? I am the world's pickiest eater. Blame it on my upbringing. It never hindered us from going to any restaurant. I'd simply say, "I would like this but without that," and it was fine. Now if you are the type that just has to share in the experience of eating new things and get upset because your partner doesn't want to try something, then I guess it would be a problem. I'd never be in that predicament though because I'd never date or marry someone that expected such an accommodation.
Neatness: My husband was a neat freak. He did not like clutter. I, on the other hand, create clutter because I have lots of hobbies and equipment for those hobbies. Our solution: move into a two bedroom and the second bedroom is the clutter zone. The rest of the place was neat as a pin.
The temperature thing is off the charts. If you are not willing to compromise on that, then it will be a rough road.
I don't buy into the love language thing or the "you need to focus 100% on me, when I want you to or else," or "you have to be as affectionate as I want you to be when I want you to be ," jazz. I prefer to date people who are their own person and have organically grown moments, not manufactured ones. It is those organic, genuine moments that enable you to determine if the person is a match or not.
The only thing I will give you is the travel thing. I hate to travel. Anywhere. It is not fun, I do not enjoy it a single bit. Thankfully, my spouse was the same. Day trips? Great. Suitcases, reservations, airports, hotels, dealing with other travelers? No thanks.
But, one can also travel frugally... sure, travel's going to take your money and if you're really interested in spending as little as possible then you're going to stay home, but you can stay at cheap places, avoid tourist traps, etc. vs. flying there first-class, staying in the fancy hotels, eating in the fancy restaurants, etc.
Yes, sure, but it's still a big expense, even if you stay in hostels and get your meals from grocery stores. The OP said specifically, that she wants a cheap mate, lol. So I guess her strong interest in trying new foods would also take place in the home, not at restaurants, unless they used lunch coupons, or something.
I'm hinting to the OP, that she be careful what she wishes for.
I'm seeing a contradiction in the bolded. I don't know how hypothetical your examples are; if these represent your true interests, then traveling the world conflicts with your being super frugal. Your cheap ideal mate wouldn't approve your travel expenses.
Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144
But, one can also travel frugally... sure, travel's going to take your money and if you're really interested in spending as little as possible then you're going to stay home, but you can stay at cheap places, avoid tourist traps, etc. vs. flying there first-class, staying in the fancy hotels, eating in the fancy restaurants, etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Yes, sure, but it's still a big expense, even if you stay in hostels and get your meals from grocery stores. The OP said specifically, that she wants a cheap mate, lol. So I guess her strong interest in trying new foods would also take place in the home, not at restaurants, unless they used lunch coupons, or something.
I'm hinting to the OP, that she be careful what she wishes for.
But I also think you can screen in the dating process for similar ideas about money. There are people who live paycheck to paycheck and there are people who are natural savers. One of the reasons, that I like to take a weekend trip with someone I am serious about dating for a long term relationship is that the type of restaurants and the type of hotels or just accommodations that she is pushing for, give me a really good sense of her ideas about money and her spending priorities.
I was more of a spender than my spouse and we never fought about money. We were grown ups. Working adults. The idea of one person telling the other that they were not 'allowed' to buy something is just laughable to me. He'd buy $300 shoes when he needed a new pair. I'd never in a million years spend that on shoes. My answer to him was "Enjoy! Glad you like them."
But it's not just about being "allowed" to buy something (though I would argue that this attitude is within reason-- if your spouse had bought $300 shoes and then wasn't able to pay his part of the bills, or bought $300 shoes in lieu of contributing to retirement or savings and then expected you to carry him with yours, or somesuch, there would be a problem). So, you need a new couch for the house and your significant other wants to pick something off the curb but you want to buy something nice. Or you want to buy a lawn mower and you're thinking something basic that will get the job done, but they want the high-end model with all the bells and whistles. Money issues extend beyond each person's personal purchases.
But it's not just about being "allowed" to buy something (though I would argue that this attitude is within reason-- if your spouse had bought $300 shoes and then wasn't able to pay his part of the bills, or bought $300 shoes in lieu of contributing to retirement or savings and then expected you to carry him with yours, or somesuch, there would be a problem). So, you need a new couch for the house and your significant other wants to pick something off the curb but you want to buy something nice. Or you want to buy a lawn mower and you're thinking something basic that will get the job done, but they want the high-end model with all the bells and whistles. Money issues extend beyond each person's personal purchases.
Yup. If I like the old-fashioned push mowers (human power source), and he wants a major machine that he can ride around on, I would think that's indicative of deeper differences in personality, values, general orientation toward life, perhaps. Just not on the same page mentally at all.
Similar in values, morals, ethics, etc? I would think so, yes.
Agreed! I think it's very important for a couple to share the same values, especially if rearing children. Some interests in common would be nice too.
But differences can be good too. For instance, I am extremely uncomfortable going to new places or doing things I've not done before. I must have someone along with me that is comfortable trying new things. Having a partner like that challenges me to do something outside my comfort zone and helps me become a better version of myself. It also means I have a lot more fun than I would if I never did anything new.
A balance of similarities and differences is the key for success, I think.
But it's not just about being "allowed" to buy something (though I would argue that this attitude is within reason-- if your spouse had bought $300 shoes and then wasn't able to pay his part of the bills, or bought $300 shoes in lieu of contributing to retirement or savings and then expected you to carry him with yours, or somesuch, there would be a problem). So, you need a new couch for the house and your significant other wants to pick something off the curb but you want to buy something nice. Or you want to buy a lawn mower and you're thinking something basic that will get the job done, but they want the high-end model with all the bells and whistles. Money issues extend beyond each person's personal purchases.
I was making the assumption that the bills were covered and appropriate amounts were put into retirement and savings accounts and after that, personal purchases should not be criticized or evaluated. It frankly did not occur to me that one would buy something they'd be unable to pay for, or unable to pay bills because of the purchase because that is not something I've ever experienced. That would be a dealbreaker for sure if that was the case.
Lawn mowers, couches and large purchases are not something I consider personal purchases so they have nothing to do with my reply.
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