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Okay, so for background, my boyfriend has an unhealthy obsession with video games. He plays 40 hour per week if I don't come over on the weekends. His typical routine is 6 PM-11 PM on weekdays and like 10 AM-11 PM on weekends if I don't come over.
We made a deal last week that he needs to start weaning himself off of video games. We decided to start wih one day off per week. He decided that day would be Monday. He took last Monday off and I was very happy and proud of him.
Then, this morning, he texted me and told me "You're not gonna like this, but if ___ and ____ are available today, I'm going to play with them." Play as in video games. For context, one of these guys hasn't been around for a while, and I guess they're sort of a trio. But they played together on Saturday and Sunday. And the guy just got back from college for the summer, so he's not going anywhere anytime soon. I responded negatively and asked him to do anything else today. He knows this is important to me. Then, at 7 PM I called him and he was playing video games. I hung up immediately, clearly indicating I was upset.
We talked later and I sort of blew my lid. He could not give me a reasonable explanation as to why he couldn't just play with them some other day. His reasons made no sense. "I don't know if they'll be available other days so if I saw them both online I had to take that opportunity." I asked if he has any reason to believe they wont be available Tuesday or Wednesday. He couldn't give me a straight answer, just a bunch of b.s, like oh, "earlier in the week is blahblah." He knows very well they'll both be available every other day of the week. He's agreed to take another day off of video games this week, but like, why couldn't he just do it today?? Why did he have to break the deal?
I'm angry right now because he made a commitment to me and broke it even though he know it would make me upset. And he couldn't even give me a straight answer as to why he just had to play video games with him today and not tomorrow or literally any other day instead. I found myself feeling crazy for being upset because he just kept saying he was in the right, "I did the dishes, did my laundry, I could play videogames today." The point is we had a deal that he knew was important to me. He knew breaking it would upset me, he knew I was upset, and he just didn't care and kept playing video games!
UGH! I don't know what to do. Maybe I'm being crazy. help??
Not crazy, but unrealistic. Your boyfriend is not interested in weaning himself off video games.
Honestly, based on all your threads, your boyfriend sounds like kind of a trash bag. Sorry, just saying.
Never mind the video game obsession for 40 hours a week (a full time job), but the fact he has no problem telling you to shut up to your face is appalling. Plus, you've stated a whole bunch of other things that are concerning. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I straight faced told my fiancée to shut up. Goodness!! Hell, even any of my female friends for that matter. A guy just shouldn't do that, especially to his partner.
You're only 24, if you marry him or even move in with him, doesn't sound like it's going to be a very fun experience and then you'd be in way too deep. You're already struggling to even think about breaking up with him, imagine trying to do that with a divorce. Or just simply even move out. Plus, you're still really young, you could surely find another guy who would treat you better and you wouldn't have to baby much nor would you have to be told to shut up from.
I don't know, I think you deserve better. In fact, I know you do. You may not realize that now but hopefully you do before you move further with this dude.
But isn't it healthy for couples to also have hobbies that they spend apart from each other? Like we're not supposed to spend every waking moment together, right? When I come over, he does watch a movie with me, go for a walk with me, etc.
Shouldn't I try to help him out of his addiction rather than just making it worse?
You're supposed to be his girlfriend, not his counselor. His addiction is NOT your responsibility.
I am 23 and he is 24. He does seem pretty willing to do new things when I push him to do them, but on his own he takes no initiative. We do go on dates, mainly out to meals, walks, hiking. We also play Mario together, which is fun, and we watch shows together. But we only see each other on the weekends. He wants me to move in with him, but honestly I won't be able to handle someone who just comes home and sits on his butt for 5 hours playing games!
When I come over for the weekend, he doesn't just play games the whole time, but for example, when I'm making dinner, he plays games. I don't know, maybe that's okay, but maybe he should be spending time with me? I kind of don't mind being alone while I do that though.
I think if I lived with him, I might be able to get him to go for a run with me each day. But what if I can't? The fact that he couldn't even take two consecutive Mondays off of video games made me really upset.
You're giving yourself your own answers, O.P. *He* wants you to move in with him (rather than *we* would like to live together). "I think that *if* I lived with him, I *might* be able to get him to....." He, by your own admission, takes little to no initiative in planning things to do and, if left to his own devices, would rather spend time gaming than doing things with you.
If, at a little over a year into your relationship, this is the best that this is ever going to be with this guy, what's it going to be like if you're enough of a fool to marry him?
You are defending his actions or minimizing them at every turn when someone posts something you don't want to hear. You won't like this but you are doing exactly what women that are hit or beaten by their husbands or boyfriends do afterwards when they excuse their behavior. Here's the thing... when people are dating, they are on their better behavior. When they get married many/most fall into a complacency. If you plan on ever marrying this guy.... that will be your life. Unless he has a road to Damascus experience and becomes a new guy... it will go downhill if you marry. You will be the responsible party. If you have kids, you might be raising them alone because he won't be too involved. If you don't plan on marrying him, why are you with him?
He's manipulating you and you're dancing for him. Generally, it won't get better, it will get worse.
He's addicted. And if you cut out the games, he'll find something else to get addicted to because that's his personality.
Video games are fun. For 2-3 hours on a day when there's nothing else to do.
Playing like this? It's the sign of an addition or an impoverished mind or a permanent state of adolescence. Or a deadly combination of all three. Show me a grown-assed man who plays video games all the time and I'll show you a man with big problems looming.
Nothing you do will wean him of this habit. He has to do it himself. And the odds are pretty good that he won't.
But isn't it healthy for couples to also have hobbies that they spend apart from each other? Like we're not supposed to spend every waking moment together, right? When I come over, he does watch a movie with me, go for a walk with me, etc.
Shouldn't I try to help him out of his addiction rather than just making it worse?
OP, read your earlier description of his gaming schedule. You said it can consume the entire weekend. Plus weekday after-work hours. Now you're trying to justify that (even though you came here and created a thread to complain about it and get advice on what to do about it), by saying it's "healthy", because it provides time apart from each other, so that the relationship doesn't become stifling.
If that's how you feel about it, then there's nothing to discuss here. THere would be no reason for this thread, if that's how you really felt. But it isn't how you really feel. How you really feel was expressed in your opening post.
Quote:
my boyfriend has an unhealthy obsession with video games. He plays 40 hour per week if I don't come over on the weekends. His typical routine is 6 PM-11 PM on weekdays and like 10 AM-11 PM on weekends if I don't come over.
Quote:
I'm angry right now because he made a commitment to me and broke it even though he know it would make me upset. And he couldn't even give me a straight answer as to why he just had to play video games [...] today and not tomorrow or literally any other day instead
Video games are fun. For 2-3 hours on a day when there's nothing else to do.
Playing like this? It's the sign of an addition or an impoverished mind or a permanent state of adolescence. Or a deadly combination of all three. Show me a grown-assed man who plays video games all the time and I'll show you a man with big problems looming.
Nothing you do will wean him of this habit. He has to do it himself. And the odds are pretty good that he won't.
Punt.
Some people are hard core gamers, and that's fine, but this guy shouldn't have a girlfriend if that's how he wants to live his life. She doesn't share that interest with him, and he's unwilling to compromise with her.
Some people are hard core gamers, and that's fine, but this guy shouldn't have a girlfriend if that's how he wants to live his life. She doesn't share that interest with him, and he's unwilling to compromise with her.
Unwilling and/or unable, because he's addicted. And when he is with her, he spends some of their precious time together verbally abusing her.
OP, read your earlier description of his gaming schedule. You said it can consume the entire weekend. Plus weekday after-work hours. Now you're trying to justify that (even though you came here and created a thread to complain about it and get advice on what to do about it), by saying it's "healthy", because it provides time apart from each other, so that the relationship doesn't become stifling.
If that's how you feel about it, then there's nothing to discuss here. THere would be no reason for this thread, if that's how you really felt. But it isn't how you really feel. How you really feel was expressed in your opening post.
I meant, like, it's time apart when I'm there for the weekend. I don't necessarily want him breathing over my shoulder the entire weekend.
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