Does my hubby have a... er, sexual problem? (dating, wife, marriage)

[sackiwanny]

I don't know what else to do but come on here and ask. I've tried to talk to him about it, I've tried to be so so patient with him about everything.

We met online and he seemed very enthusiastic about sex, as all guys do online.

Then after we were dating for a few months, one day I noticed during sex that he was not as ... um rigid as usual.

So I asked him point blank about it a few days later.

At that time I was worried about getting together with someone with issues down there long term.

He said "Oh that's normal. It happens to all guys."

I was like hell no it doesn't! It's never happened to a guy who was with me before. Never ever happened to my ex and he was 3 yrs older than my hubby and we had sex very very often.

I was very confused. But just thought maybe I was being too upfront about the whole thing. So I layed off the poor guy for a while.

Well shortly after that, about a month or so, the sex started to dwindle. Like he hardly ever initiated sex anymore. And I have a very high sex drive. So high that I couldn't wait for him to initiate and I would. It began to be me starting things about 9 times out of 10 or more.

Okay now fast forward a year. We are married, had a baby, I got big with the belly, and now I'm thin again. I am attractive, as I've been told numerous times by others so I don't know why he wouldn't be attracted to me, but maybe that's it. We have a great marriage and relationship and love each other so much.

He is so loving and caring all other times. But when it comes to the sack he never initiates sex, doesn't compliment me enough, and never just gets a hard on when I'm just naked. And in bed he often just lays there letting me do all the work. Most of the time I'm so horny that I don't care, I'll do anything. Sometimes, it takes work to get him hard and keep him there. Most times when I initiate I find that it works best right away in the morning. But that means he is tired and doesn't do anything to please me, barely even opens his eyes. Ugh!

I've talked to him about all this a number of times, but not about the physical problem he may have as I don't want to insult him or embarrass him.

The last time I asked him he said he had stopped initiating because he was worried our relationship might be just based on sex. He never told me this before, and I wonder if this is for real or just another excuse. Then he said but his mojo has been coming back lately and he has been initiating more often and been into it more when I initiate things. Which is sorta true. He started things a couple times the last week or 2.

Another thing that may have something to do with it all too is that he has constantly stared at other girls whenever we went out together. Even after I made it clear how much it hurt my feelings. Now I don't just mean a quick glance here and there. It was like he was constantly scanning the perimeter for girls. And when he found one to look at he'd stare, and sometimes do double and even triple take looks. And I noticed a trend too. Very young girls who were thin. YUCK! After months and months of talking about it, he has finally started not doing this as much, thank god, but how long it will last I don't know.

Does he have a low libido? Sexual problems? Is he just not into me, and I should just get out of this marriage before he cheats on me?

I know that a good relationship is more than just sex, but man, sex is like breathing for me.

[veuvegirl]

I would sit down with him and have a candid talk. If he won't be honest with you, there will be more problems down the road.

My first thought is that your husband does have sexual issues; what is happening to him is not normal. If it isn't an issue, it could be a health problem.

[yankeegirl313]

I know that you said that you have talked to him about this, but what if you told him that you were concerned about it so much, that maybe he should go see a doctor? I mean, it could very well be a health issue if he can`t seem to get it up, and enjoy sex like he used too.
You also stated that you find him drooling over other girls, which I realize that everyone is going to look, ya` know? That upsets me to, when they happen to do that, with you by their side! Its like, geeezzz...show a little respect for me, won`t ya`? What am I? Chopped liver?" LOL
What would upset me the most, is the fact that he can`t seem to enjoy sex, or even give me a second look, when he eyeballs others, like they are standing there naked!
Talk to him again, and tell him your concerns. Communication is always a good thing, in any relationship.

[lionking]

Well there have been a couple times when I either just didn't aroused or lost it.The mind said yes but the body said no.

The reasons are either I was........

tired or stressed out
burned out from too much sex
too drunk

[miu]

How old are the two of you? Is his job stressful? How's his health?

[ellie]

Go to your doctor, see if you can get a sample of Viagra, bring home a Victoria's Secret catalog, give him the pill and see if that helps.

[Huckleberry3911948]

IMHO its true life is tough a lota stress a lota friction (some tension)
however sometimes women run all over the hubby like a mac truck. i mean he just shuts down to avoid all the fighting. then they think he needs viagra and counseling.
its kinda like the old 1950's joke in reverse. hey doc help me out with my frigid wife cant you give her some medication or something? well john perhaps if you were to stop belting her after you had a few drinks she might warm up a bit?

[sackiwanny]

We are early 30's. He is very healthy. His job is not that stressful, although we have been through a lot over the past year or 2. But at the moment it's kinda crazy as we have a little one. But seriously if I am still wanting it, and I'm the primary caregiver, how can he not want it as much.

You something else weird.

He will chase me around all day like he wants some. Teasing, tickling, etc.

But then when we get into bed. nada

And he used to HATE it when I grabbed his package during the day. He said getting a woody was annoying. I was like, well Get over it! I want to play! LOL

I finally told him it hurt my feelings to be pushed away like that, now he is a lot better about it. Which is awesome

[sandgirl]

Most men are visual instead of emotional. Sometimes it seems to be the thrill of the chase that they enjoy. Once they get married it's all old news. Or that is what my husband tells me. He he That doesn't mean he doesn't love you, thats just life. You might try a date night, away from the kids and routine. Maybe stay overnight somewhere. Good luck.

[lionking]

Originally Posted by sackiwanny

And he used to HATE it when I grabbed his package during the day. He said getting a woody was annoying. I was like, well Get over it! I want to play! LOL

NOW HE lost me,as a guy the more a woman grabs my package the better.


annoying???????????????What's annoying is waking up with a woody and trying to take a leak without missing the bowl,now that's annoying.

But getting a chubby?????????The only time that might be annoying is when I haven't recouperated from the sex I just had.