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I was with this guy for a year and I won’t lie. I cheated. Actually I cheated more than once but I felt bad each time and practically cried to him through messages and calls for him to come back and each time he did but this time he says we aren’t in a relationship. I still call him my man or “boyfriend” though. I just accept what he wants. We still have sex, he still has a close relationship with my daughter, who isn’t his and we still
hang out but considering we aren’t together like he says I know about another girl he has been talking to for months. He has answered her calls in front of me, left my house to be with her. Posted her on his Facebook story etc. I even know about them getting hotel rooms together just from Facebook alone. Just a few days ago, he was in a bad space. Having suicidal thoughts and feeling depressed. He was at my house at the time but he was left alone for the most part because I had to work. Anyways, he ended up leaving my house a day after he was going through what he was going through and I assumed he was with her but I had no proof until he came back to my house a day later and I went through his phone and I saw messages between the two of them the day he was feeling depressed and suicidal. He texted her about what he was feeling and going through at the moment. Which is something I didn’t expect him to do. I thought he was only willing to open up to me about that. Not someone else. She was trying to calm him down through text and apparently the next day he left and went home to meet with her and from the texts after she left he texted her telling her how much he appreciated her being there for him and apparently he cried in her arms and she held him and made his day somewhat better. I’m not really upset because I guess I deserve it and even though we aren’t together now, I was hoping that one day he would change his mind and give me another chance at least but from the looks of it, I don’t see that happening.
It sounds like you have issues with healthy boundaries. When you were with him, you cheated. Now you are in a weird open friends with benefits thing. I think you need to break it off with this guy and figure out if this is the life you want and if it isn't, work on boundaries and figuring out why you are doing this to yourself.
I was with this guy for a year and I won’t lie. I cheated. Actually I cheated more than once but I felt bad each time and practically cried to him through messages and calls for him to come back and each time he did but this time he says we aren’t in a relationship. I still call him my man or “boyfriend” though. I just accept what he wants. We still have sex, he still has a close relationship with my daughter, who isn’t his and we still
hang out but considering we aren’t together like he says I know about another girl he has been talking to for months. He has answered her calls in front of me, left my house to be with her. Posted her on his Facebook story etc. I even know about them getting hotel rooms together just from Facebook alone. Just a few days ago, he was in a bad space. Having suicidal thoughts and feeling depressed. He was at my house at the time but he was left alone for the most part because I had to work. Anyways, he ended up leaving my house a day after he was going through what he was going through and I assumed he was with her but I had no proof until he came back to my house a day later and I went through his phone and I saw messages between the two of them the day he was feeling depressed and suicidal. He texted her about what he was feeling and going through at the moment. Which is something I didn’t expect him to do. I thought he was only willing to open up to me about that. Not someone else. She was trying to calm him down through text and apparently the next day he left and went home to meet with her and from the texts after she left he texted her telling her how much he appreciated her being there for him and apparently he cried in her arms and she held him and made his day somewhat better. I’m not really upset because I guess I deserve it and even though we aren’t together now, I was hoping that one day he would change his mind and give me another chance at least but from the looks of it, I don’t see that happening.
Egads, why is this guy still in your life and, more importantly, in the life of your daughter?!?
You are your child's number one role model. Are you setting the example that you'd like your daughter to emulate in her own relationships?
Time to cut this guy loose in your heart and mind (he's already kicked you to the curb in fact, if not fully in deed). Focus on getting your priorities in order and doing some serious self-searching without any man in the picture to figure out not only why you would cheat on the same man more than once in the space of one year (only to beg for forgiveness), but why you now accept crumbs from a man who has no real interest in in being with you as a romantic partner.
Not that it matters on your end, but does this woman who your non-boyfriend has been chatting up (and likely more) know about you and the time that this guy spends with you--including that you two are still having sex? If she does, she's a fool for tolerating such behavior. To be honest, he really doesn't sound like much of a prize for any woman.
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 07-17-2020 at 03:05 PM..
Let me see if I get this right, you cheat on a guy multiple times, have a child by yet another guy, you invade a guys privacy by going through his phone even though you are not in a relationship and you know he is pursuing another woman, and keep opening your legs to the guy.
You wrote you hoped he would change his mind, about what exactly. The facts speak for themselves. There are words that describe women like you, none of the polite, and nothing is going to alter that. There is nothing for him to change his mind about, facts are facts. He could have a change of heart, but he would have to have diminished mental capacity to do it.
Your life is a cesspool. You have a daughter, do you wish her to follow in your footsteps, given you are her defacto role model? Do you want her to also have a baby daddy, be promiscuous, not able to maintain a stable, loving relationship based on mutual respect? You might want to look beyond yourself for once and consider what is best for your daughter. You don't mention her age, but if she is very young enough, she may be far better off in another environment.
Once a partner disconnects from you emotionally it becomes very difficult to get him back. Your cheating had already shown to him that you never valued him, hence he's looking for a place where he'll feel loved and valued. I don't think you'll get him back.
Though I wonder why people cheat in their relationships because I don't think there's any justification for cheating. It's better to breakup with a partner that you'rd no longer cool with than to cheat while still with him/her. It's very very disrespectful.
Once a partner disconnects from you emotionally it becomes very difficult to get him back. Your cheating had already shown to him that you never valued him, hence he's looking for a place where he'll feel loved and valued. I don't think you'll get him back.
Though I wonder why people cheat in their relationships because I don't think there's any justification for cheating. It's better to breakup with a partner that you'rd no longer cool with than to cheat while still with him/her. It's very very disrespectful.
You won't listen but what you need to do is write this guy out of your life. No phone calls, no texts, no Facebook friends.... nada zilch nothing. Then move on with your life and don't cheat on the next guy.
You won't listen but what you need to do is write this guy out of your life. No phone calls, no texts, no Facebook friends.... nada zilch nothing. Then move on with your life and don't cheat on the next guy.
Not really. That will not address the underlying, fundamentals that led to her being a single mother, a two--timing **blank**, and then bringing a man or men into her daughter's life she has no commitment from.
The real issue is on of judgement, choices, and the process that drives her to make the repeated poor choices that have a very large, real life impact on not only the O.P.'s life but the lives of those unfortunate enough to be around her.
At this point her daughter's safety, emotional well being, and the life lessons the O.P. is teaching her should be the real concern.
This is a love triangle. When I was about 18 I was the third wheel in a love triangle; you would be the girl that got pregnant, while I was the girl talking to the guy who was supposedly with the girl that got pregnant (engaged supposedly), though she lived in Washington state and we lived in California.
She had cheated on him while they were engaged, I guess, though she was like "omg sorry sorry sorry!!!" ...and he forgave her because their connection was not "physical," it was "emotional." They stayed together though she insisted on living in Washington and hated California, while he was a Californian and had no plans to move, and was hanging out with me any time I wanted (I was a homewrecker).
Then, she got pregnant. Was he the father? I mean, 10% chance, maybe. Probably not though. She had the baby and put it up for adoption. They broke up and eventually all three of us lost contact.
You see how immature this all sounds? And all kinds of Jerry Springerish drama?
Well that is how you sound.
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