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I’m so confused. I still love my ex and sometimes he acts like he want me too. He provokes our contact, he came to my village on bike one time, he posted sad quotes about love, called me and we were talking for 2 hours at night. He told me that he couldn’t be in a new relationship right now, because he would be scared that he would still have feelings for me. He told me that he regrets our breaking up. A lot of things like that happened, but he’s still like- we’re friends now and even though he acts like that, he tells me things that show he doesn’t wanna come back. Maybe hes scared of rejection? Of course he was the one that broke up. Please tell me how did your exes act when they wanted to come back, maybe i will understand something.
So, he broke up with you. And now he's trying to string you along? No way. Tell him to get lost. Either you're in a relationship, or you're not, but you don't get to be not-in-a-relationship but still try to keep them on your string by acting like you still have feelings for them. If he still wants to be with you, then he should still be with you. If he doesn't, then he shouldn't and needs to go away and leave you alone and stop screwing you around.
You are encouraging that by being there. You are available. I think its best to have a boundary and move on, he broke up with you and has made it clear he doesn't want a relationship. That means he is dating other people, you just don't know about it. He didn't value you before, why would he do that now? AS for friends, in my case its best to move on. Make new friends that don't have emotional pulls and where you have clear friend boundaries.
Without knowing the particulars and knowing if the following is relevant to the situation or not, let me leave you with the following to consider:
It is very possible to love someone very deeply even though you know they are the wrong person for you to journey throughout life with. I have many ex's still in my life from my late teen, 20s, and early 30s. The reason is simple, we had adult relationships that we explored until we came to the conclusion we were not right for each other. It had nothing to do with loss of affection of a change of heart but everything to do with goals in life, cultural differences, political, religious, or lifestyle choices and views. As adults we moved on, seeking a companion we could build a life with but we remained close friends and confidants through life. I say that as a preface to the following:
This may simply be a case where he loves you, in terms of his affection for you, but he sees, and has acknowledged to himself, that the two of you have fundamental differences that preclude the two of you, logically, from moving forward in a relationship. However his affection for you remains unabated, hence he is having difficulty letting go.
Perhaps you should talk, with the aim and goal of becoming lifelong friends.
My experience has been, when you both act like adults, breakups can simply signify that you now have additional data points about what is relevant to you in a relationship, and should be acknowledged as such, rather than viewed as negative experiences.
For additional context I attended more than one of my old girlfriends weddings, our spouses knew each other, three of my past lovers were good friends with my wife, our children from our mutual spouses played together and two of them actually dated when they got into their teens. Understand these post love relationship spanned decades. Such things are possible, and in my view, desirable outcomes.
Note I said nothing about getting back together as a couple, but rather my message is about preserving the good will, camaraderie, and confidence of the relationship while moving forward with your own respective lives.
I’m so confused. I still love my ex and sometimes he acts like he want me too. He provokes our contact, he came to my village on bike one time, he posted sad quotes about love, called me and we were talking for 2 hours at night. He told me that he couldn’t be in a new relationship right now, because he would be scared that he would still have feelings for me. He told me that he regrets our breaking up. A lot of things like that happened, but he’s still like- we’re friends now and even though he acts like that, he tells me things that show he doesn’t wanna come back. Maybe hes scared of rejection? Of course he was the one that broke up. Please tell me how did your exes act when they wanted to come back, maybe i will understand something.
Some guys will contact their recent break up because they still want to have sex with you. They have struck out trying to find other girls that will sleep with them.
Take your dignity and keep walking. Block his number, block his social media. He dumped you... no reason to talk to him any more. He was done with you then, so why is he talking to you now, without any word about getting back together in a real relationship? Because he is looking for some sex with you.
Without knowing the particulars and knowing if the following is relevant to the situation or not, let me leave you with the following to consider:
It is very possible to love someone very deeply even though you know they are the wrong person for you to journey throughout life with. I have many ex's still in my life from my late teen, 20s, and early 30s. The reason is simple, we had adult relationships that we explored until we came to the conclusion we were not right for each other. It had nothing to do with loss of affection of a change of heart but everything to do with goals in life, cultural differences, political, religious, or lifestyle choices and views. As adults we moved on, seeking a companion we could build a life with but we remained close friends and confidants through life. I say that as a preface to the following:
This may simply be a case where he loves you, in terms of his affection for you, but he sees, and has acknowledged to himself, that the two of you have fundamental differences that preclude the two of you, logically, from moving forward in a relationship. However his affection for you remains unabated, hence he is having difficulty letting go.
Fine, but that's not her issue to solve and there's absolutely no reason for him to keep telling her this and making things awkward/ambiguous. That's the kind of thing you keep to yourself if it happens.
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