Does my ex-bf really care about my dog dying? (dating, wives, boyfriend)
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Things ended with my boyfriend, now ex-bf in end of June. In July, our month consisted of not talking for 4-5 days and me asking him to give us another try. He first said yes, but he changed his mind within the same day. My friend also told me she saw him on a dating app so I thought he was really over me. But during the time when we said we will try again I had taken my dog to the vet to find out my dog might have cancer and for a biopsy done. When the results came out, I told my ex that results came out and if I can talk to him. But he didn’t respond for hours and we just ended things again that day. I really made up my mind to finally move on because I felt like he didn’t care anymore and plus he was on the dating app. About 4 days of no contact, he messaged me asking about my dog’s biopsy results. And I told him she will not make it and I decided to let her go. He messaged me a few times more asking me how I’m doing. We didn’t talk about “us” just about my dog. And I know he’s off the dating apps because you can’t find him.
Is he still trying to get with me or just concerned about my dog because he has one too?
Things ended with my boyfriend, now ex-bf in end of June. In July, our month consisted of not talking for 4-5 days and me asking him to give us another try. He first said yes, but he changed his mind within the same day. My friend also told me she saw him on a dating app so I thought he was really over me. But during the time when we said we will try again I had taken my dog to the vet to find out my dog might have cancer and for a biopsy done. When the results came out, I told my ex that results came out and if I can talk to him. But he didn’t respond for hours and we just ended things again that day. I really made up my mind to finally move on because I felt like he didn’t care anymore and plus he was on the dating app. About 4 days of no contact, he messaged me asking about my dog’s biopsy results. And I told him she will not make it and I decided to let her go. He messaged me a few times more asking me how I’m doing. We didn’t talk about “us” just about my dog. And I know he’s off the dating apps because you can’t find him.
Is he still trying to get with me or just concerned about my dog because he has one too?
According to your other two posts, you only dated 4 months, and things didn't end well. And he immediately had found another girl then. No, he doesn't care about your dog. Maybe he didn't want to look like a complete a$$hole, so he said a couple of words about your dog only because you kept texting him about it.
Why are you looking for any morsels that he *might* be interested again? Because, he's not interested! You need to move on! He clearly has moved on, and he's been dating already.
I'm sorry about your dog. Please do take care of yourself and for goodness sake, block this 4 month relationship guy!
Your ex-boyfriend terminated the relationship you used to have with him, and he's already found himself another girlfriend, which makes me feel like he's not losing sleep over not being your boyfriend anymore, while you seem to still be interested in him and you want him back.
It's not going to work. I love dogs. I take care of every neighbhood's dog when they go on holidays. There are relationships that I'm not a part of anymore, either I got dumped or I dumped them, and I still keep in touch to get updates on how the dog is doing. Maybe your ex-bf is the same way, dunno, and he cares about the loss you went through, but he's not interested in you, romantically, any more.
He can be truly sorry that your dog died and offer condolences without wanting to get back together with you.
I am truly sorry that your dog died, but I don't wish to date you. My beloved dog died last year. You are probably truly sorry to hear that but you don't wish to date me either.
Trying to extract emotional support from someone who recently dumped you seems like one of the most pointless things I can think of.
I don't think it's pointless. He must've been her emotional support when they were together, and just because there's a breakup doesn't mean your feeling get turned off like a switch. I can understand why she would reach out to him about something as traumatic as her dog being diagnosed with cancer and needing to be put down. Perhaps this is something that only pet owners can empathize with, I think many people do this even after breakups and I don't think it's pointless.
However I do agree that his concern is not romantic or because he wants the OP be back, sounds to me like he understands what the OP is going through and is trying to show concern, that's all.
OP, just as a side bar you never provided any context for your breakup so the advice we're giving you may want to take with a grain of salt. I recall you stated he said you were the first girl to break his heart, so clearly you had done or said something that you wish to not reveal--which is fine and totally up to you--so just know it's hard to provide good advice when important pieces of the story are left out.
I don't think it's pointless. He must've been her emotional support when they were together, and just because there's a breakup doesn't mean your feeling get turned off like a switch. I can understand why she would reach out to him about something as traumatic as her dog being diagnosed with cancer and needing to be put down. Perhaps this is something that only pet owners can empathize with, I think many people do this even after breakups and I don't think it's pointless.
It seems like the sympathy she is looking for might be better coming from a parent or best friend who has been in her life (and the life of her dog) much longer. It's a lot to ask from an ex who you only dated for 4 months. If he is her first option for emotional support...Is that healthy?
She initially said she would not contact him, but...
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Originally Posted by Corinthlove91
My boyfriend, now ex, and I ended things on Tuesday. I’m 29 and he’s 32. We both dated in the past but this is the first time we said we felt this way about someone. But that doesn’t matter now since we ended it and we only dated for 4 months. I missed him so much so I ended up messaging and calling him on Wednesday and he said we are done. I ended up messaging him yesterday again at night saying I miss him and I wanted another chance. He said “no..And it’s too late.” we texted back and forth briefly and he said, “just so you know, you’re the first girl to ever break my heart.”
I don’t plan on contacting him again because he’s clearly over me. But what did he mean it’s too late. Does it mean he has another girl? And what did he mean I’m the first to ever break his heart!? I mean he was in longer relationships in the past before me.
I don't think it's pointless. He must've been her emotional support when they were together, and just because there's a breakup doesn't mean your feeling get turned off like a switch. I can understand why she would reach out to him about something as traumatic as her dog being diagnosed with cancer and needing to be put down. Perhaps this is something that only pet owners can empathize with, I think many people do this even after breakups and I don't think it's pointless.
It's never occurred to me to treat an ex as if we were still in a relationship. We're not involved anymore; why would I use him as emotional support? Even if we're still friends (which OP hasn't said he's expressed a desire for, just that they keep contacting him), a guy just doesn't have the obligations to me that he might have had as my significant other. I might tell him about it, but I wouldn't agonize over whether he cares enough (nor expect him to).
Maybe they parted as friends when the relationship ended? Apparently some people when they break up with their partners still want to keep them as friends because they have friendship-qualities to them, and they want to keep them in their lives. I'm friends with most of my ex-girflfriends. Why wouldn't I? It's not their fault the romantic part of the relationship didn't work out, and I'm not going to throw away a good friendship just because.
Good friends are hard to find.
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a guy just doesn't have the obligations to me that he might have had as my significant other.
That's kinda like saying I don't have a moral or emotional obligation to help my girlfriend deal with a loss in the family, or the loss of her job, or clinical depression or whatever because she's just a girlfriend, not a wife of mine, and girlfriends can be easily replaced, whereas wives cannot.
This isn't just a guy. If the guy dated you in the first place then he probably cared about you enough to deal with your problems and issues, and if he cared about you in the first place then did something happen to make him stop caring about you?
OP needs to work that one out and figure out if she still wants to keep a guy in her life(as friends) who cares more about her dog than he cares about the time he spent with her.
He broke up with you multiple times. He's just being nice about the dog. You can find someone else that appreciates you for who you are.
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