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If you divorce your husband for John there are some major real life isues to deal with - and you should easily be able to feel things out via your email interactions.
Who is going to relocate to the other side of the country? You or John? Would he want to give up his career, friends, and life he already has to be near you or would you?
Could he overcome his aversion to children? Would he and your child get along?
Put on your lawyer hat for a minute --Geographic restrictions are very common in divorce scenarios. So even if you divorce your husband, you may be forced by the Court to live in the same vicinity as him until your daughter is 18. Your husband and daughter are close and if he is opposed to you moving away with her, you have a major problem on your hands. If you think he's moody now just wait until you divorce him for a guy he hates.
I think John is also enjoying the strong connection that you share and trying to figure out if there could be something more? Is your relationship an escape from the real world for both of you?
Enjoy the connection and your friendship. Strong connections like that are hard to come by. If anything is meant to be, it will be.
There is no way I would EVER get involved with or marry someone old enough to be my Dad. These marriages do not work unless the woman is in it for money. This should be a cautionary tale to all these guys that want younger women...lol.
Do you really want to spend the next 20 years of your life being a nurse/caretaker? You're in the prime of your life and he's an old man. Is he capable of even meeting your emotional or sexual needs? Clearly the answer is no or you would not be on the phone with John for 3 hours a day. That's why these May/December relationships are doomed to fail.
How does this even happen at age 46? lol I mean, I know HOW it happens, but seriously a woman should know better by then ... it makes ZERO sense, especially with a husband who's 65???
How does this even happen at age 46? lol I mean, I know HOW it happens, but seriously a woman should know better by then ... it makes ZERO sense, especially with a husband who's 65???
Don't you think a man who is nearly 70 years old, 30 years shy of turning 100 years, should know better and have more sense than to get himself married and to father a child if he wasn't marriage material, and if he wasn't interested in having children?
it takes 2 to make a baby, sure, one day technlogy will make it possible to even make a baby out of dusty air and some water, but right now, it falls on him the situation he's in. Can't you see how unhappy OP is and how she's at a crossroads in her life and the last thing she needs is for people to make fun of her?
Don't you think a man who is nearly 70 years old, 30 years shy of turning 100 years, should know better and have more sense than to get himself married and to father a child if he wasn't marriage material, and if he wasn't interested in having children?
He’s not here asking for advice.
If this scenario is even real, OP had dozens of opportunities to avoid it. And sure, so did the husband. There’s plenty of blame to go around.
It’s unlikely that John will be a solution. Men who don’t want children especially don’t want to raise another man’s child. Accept “No” as “No.” Respect that answer.
If you feel comfortable with divorce, it’s likely that you will remain single for two reasons: you’re older and you have a young child. Most men are not looking for that combo, despite the fact that you are attractive, etc.
Life isn’t fair.
This.
If you have nothing in common with your current husband other than a child, consider a divorce. He might be wanting one too, but has held his tongue out of a sense of responsibility. Some times it is easier to go along to get along.
As far as the other man, are you sure you are not "dreaming of your knight in shining armor"? You are putting all your eggs in one basket, again. Live by yourself with your child for a while, then make a move.
There are all kinds of men, and they don't all boil down to a few core stereotypes. None of us are in a better position than you are to know what's motivating him. After all, you're the person who has been having 3-5 hour conversations with him over the last 18 months.
It's highly inappropriate for John to push you to divorce your husband. Supporting your decision is one thing, but pushing you is another.
I wonder if John is in touch with what he wants. Maybe he has motivations that he doesn't want to admit to himself. That might be his end of it, but that doesn't make you any kind of victim. It's your husband who is the victim, because you're having an emotional affair. If you feel like your husband is driving you away, then handle that before trying to secure something with another man.
Well, if what I'm doing is white knighting, I guess calling someone old because they're 46 makes you a kid, you're what 18, and you're giving advice to people who have a lot more experience than you?
Try 47.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bebe182
I'm actually in my late 30's with no kids, so no. Perhaps it's different here on the east coast as compared to where you are (not sure if your screen name is an accurate portrayal of where you're from), but there are plenty of single moms in their 40's dating successfully, just stating facts.
Im in Boston lol. I didn't say there weren't single moms, all I said was its considered older w a toddler. Even in your mid 30s, your med records would state "AMA", advanced maternal age. Just stating facts.
It’s unlikely that John will be a solution. Men who don’t want children especially don’t want to raise another man’s child. Accept “No” as “No.” Respect that answer.
If you feel comfortable with divorce, it’s likely that you will remain single for two reasons: you’re older and you have a young child. Most men are not looking for that combo, despite the fact that you are attractive, etc.
Life isn’t fair.
Please don't believe this. I agree that John isn't the solution but being older with a child doesn't necessarily make you undesirable.
I'm a 43 year old widow with a young child and I honestly haven't had an issue dating since my husband's death 4 years ago.
I'm currently in a relationship with the sweetest, kindest, most understanding man in the world and he accepts and loves me and my child.
Prior to my current boyfriend, I dated several great guys, all in their forties that didn't have a problem with my age or situation.
It is difficult dating as a single mother but not impossible. I thought after my husband died that no one would want to date a woman over 30 with a little kid but I was wrong.
John doesn't want kids so he's not the guy for you so accept his friendship and leave it at that. Maybe you can fix things with your husband maybe not but if you do get divorced it doesn't guarantee you a lifetime of loneliness.
Please believe that you are worthy of love and your age and child doesn't make you less loveable. They're good men out there that would take you just as you are.
John doesn't have to raise her kid. All she oughta do is get a divorce, make sure her husband, hopefully soon-to-be-ex-husband makes the child-support payments, and she can raise her kid on her own. John doesn't have to become an adoptive dad.
She's not ''older.'' She can date men her own age who are more than happy to date her, there's lots of guys in that age-group looking for an attractive woman to date.
Yeah, I'm wondering why her husband married a woman who is young enough to be his daughter, kinda makes me think the guy has some serious mental issues, and why isn't he getting a vasectomy if he was never interested in having kids? Pretty sure the guy didn't even wear a condom because of how selfish he is.
You seem to be very invested in one side of this story. To the point of making statements and assumptions that weren't in the OPs posts. Why is that?
Im in Boston lol. I didn't say there weren't single moms, all I said was its considered older w a toddler. Even in your mid 30s, your med records would state "AMA", advanced maternal age. Just stating facts.
These facts have nothing to do with this thread, the OP does not want more kids. "Advanced maternal age" is for conceiving a child not for dating.
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