Pressure To Look Young In Online Dating (women, love, younger)
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I think we can all agree that posting old (5+ years) pictures on your dating profile is misleading if not outright dishonest. You want people to think you look younger than you are. But what if the person admits the pictures are old by posting the dates they were taken? I started communicating with a woman on a dating site who is considerably older than me. She posted several pictures of herself, but disclosed that they were all taken 5-10 years ago. Normally this would’ve been a red flag and I would’ve skipped right past her. But I absolutely loved what she wrote in her profile and decided to message her anyway. To my surprise, she responded. We exchanged messages, she gave me her number (without my asking for it), we talked on the phone for hours and really hit it off. Finally, she asked if we could video chat. In her profile, she said what so many people like to claim, which is that she looks younger than her age. But after seeing her, I can say she definitely looks her age and significantly older than her pictures. I have no problem with how she looks. But I’m trying to figure out if I should be upset that she didn’t just post more recent pictures in the first place. She’s very attractive and I’m sure I still would’ve contacted her. I’m wondering if that was part of the reason she was anxious to video chat, because she wanted me to know what she really looks like. Like I said, I’m not mad. I’m just trying to understand her thinking. Why post old pictures but then admit they’re old? Doesn’t that defeat the point? There’s no question that women are judged far more harshly than men when it comes to looks, especially online. And older women in particular are under more pressure to look young. To the women here who are 40+, would you post old pictures of yourself but still admit they’re old?
It sounds like you're lucky that she still looks acceptable to you, because I've heard quite a few folks who've had the opposite result.
I understand the temptation to do this, since online dating can be brutal. It's yet another reason that meeting in person or at least video chatting early on is important.
I think we can all agree that posting old (5+ years) pictures on your dating profile is misleading if not outright dishonest. You want people to think you look younger than you are. But what if the person admits the pictures are old by posting the dates they were taken? I started communicating with a woman on a dating site who is considerably older than me. She posted several pictures of herself, but disclosed that they were all taken 5-10 years ago. Normally this would’ve been a red flag and I would’ve skipped right past her. But I absolutely loved what she wrote in her profile and decided to message her anyway. To my surprise, she responded. We exchanged messages, she gave me her number (without my asking for it), we talked on the phone for hours and really hit it off. Finally, she asked if we could video chat. In her profile, she said what so many people like to claim, which is that she looks younger than her age. But after seeing her, I can say she definitely looks her age and significantly older than her pictures. I have no problem with how she looks. But I’m trying to figure out if I should be upset that she didn’t just post more recent pictures in the first place. She’s very attractive and I’m sure I still would’ve contacted her. I’m wondering if that was part of the reason she was anxious to video chat, because she wanted me to know what she really looks like. Like I said, I’m not mad. I’m just trying to understand her thinking. Why post old pictures but then admit they’re old? Doesn’t that defeat the point? There’s no question that women are judged far more harshly than men when it comes to looks, especially online. And older women in particular are under more pressure to look young. To the women here who are 40+, would you post old pictures of yourself but still admit they’re old?
She posted the pictures trying to get your attention. It worked, he got your attention. She also posted the date of her pictures so you couldn't claim that she lied. You assumed the risk of writing to a woman posting pictures that are 10 years old. You are writing to her. All in all I would say, what she tried worked.
I think we can all agree that posting old (5+ years) pictures on your dating profile is misleading if not outright dishonest. You want people to think you look younger than you are. But what if the person admits the pictures are old by posting the dates they were taken? I started communicating with a woman on a dating site who is considerably older than me. She posted several pictures of herself, but disclosed that they were all taken 5-10 years ago. Normally this would’ve been a red flag and I would’ve skipped right past her. But I absolutely loved what she wrote in her profile and decided to message her anyway. To my surprise, she responded. We exchanged messages, she gave me her number (without my asking for it), we talked on the phone for hours and really hit it off. Finally, she asked if we could video chat. In her profile, she said what so many people like to claim, which is that she looks younger than her age. But after seeing her, I can say she definitely looks her age and significantly older than her pictures. I have no problem with how she looks. But I’m trying to figure out if I should be upset that she didn’t just post more recent pictures in the first place. She’s very attractive and I’m sure I still would’ve contacted her. I’m wondering if that was part of the reason she was anxious to video chat, because she wanted me to know what she really looks like. Like I said, I’m not mad. I’m just trying to understand her thinking. Why post old pictures but then admit they’re old? Doesn’t that defeat the point? There’s no question that women are judged far more harshly than men when it comes to looks, especially online. And older women in particular are under more pressure to look young. To the women here who are 40+, would you post old pictures of yourself but still admit they’re old?
I really don't see much wrong with this. You could bring it up in person, in a joking way, and see what she says. Just to kind of gauge if she is generally a dishonest or deceitful person (which I don't think she sounds like she is, but just to make sure...). And then drop the subject and don't read too much into it.
She was honest that the photos were older, and she probably didn't want only men that were 10+ years older than her to respond. And she video chatted right away.. all good signs.
Heck, I have heard people post on their dating profiles -
just their dog
their kindergarten photo
them skiing in full gear so you can't see anything about them
along that theme, them with a sunset but they are about one mile away
sunglasses and a baseball cap, head shot only
I think we can all agree that posting old (5+ years) pictures on your dating profile is misleading if not outright dishonest. You want people to think you look younger than you are. But what if the person admits the pictures are old by posting the dates they were taken? I started communicating with a woman on a dating site who is considerably older than me. She posted several pictures of herself, but disclosed that they were all taken 5-10 years ago. Normally this would’ve been a red flag and I would’ve skipped right past her. But I absolutely loved what she wrote in her profile and decided to message her anyway. To my surprise, she responded. We exchanged messages, she gave me her number (without my asking for it), we talked on the phone for hours and really hit it off. Finally, she asked if we could video chat. In her profile, she said what so many people like to claim, which is that she looks younger than her age. But after seeing her, I can say she definitely looks her age and significantly older than her pictures. I have no problem with how she looks. But I’m trying to figure out if I should be upset that she didn’t just post more recent pictures in the first place. She’s very attractive and I’m sure I still would’ve contacted her. I’m wondering if that was part of the reason she was anxious to video chat, because she wanted me to know what she really looks like. Like I said, I’m not mad. I’m just trying to understand her thinking. Why post old pictures but then admit they’re old? Doesn’t that defeat the point? There’s no question that women are judged far more harshly than men when it comes to looks, especially online. And older women in particular are under more pressure to look young. To the women here who are 40+, would you post old pictures of yourself but still admit they’re old?
As long as the photo is of themselves or they are lying about their age, it should not be a big issue. For some people, age just isn't an issue.
If she looks different than in her pictures, it is not acceptable.
I think posting 1-2 old pictures with the date on it is okay, you want to show off how you looked like in your prime time. But you should also add recent pictures.
I would have asked her why she posted only old pictures and see what she says.
Maybe she doesn't have any recent photos. I don't have many current photos of myself - not sure if there are any from the past year - so I wouldn't have anything to post online. I guess if people are going to do the online dating thing then they should make an effort to get recent photos.
What is odd is that she listed her real age but posted old photos. Usually people post old photos and lie about their age.
I wouldn't worry about it too much. At least she was honest about her age and the age of the photos. If you like her, go for it.
I would not post any old photos unless I also posted recent ones.
This woman seems too concerned with age and youth as she posted those pics and thinks she looks younger that her age, which according to you she does not. She is insecure.
5 years is perfectly acceptable. 10 okay, probably not. But she did date them so kudos to her.
With advanced technology and phones that allows everyone to take selfies, why would anyone have a 5 year old picture?
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