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I get what you are saying. Assuming OP is female, she should become her best self and let him feel masculine by chasing her. If you try to chase/mother a man, it emasculates them and hurts the relationship.
Agreed, and I don't think she should "chase" him. Asking your husband to work on a marriage is not chasing, to me that's trying to make a marriage work, if he refuses to work on it then yes she should walk away.
We should all be working on ourselves and doing our own thing regardless of whether we are in relationships or not, if you're just doing it get your partner's attention then that's just game playing. Do it because you genuinely want to.
He generally is a very good husband, goes over & beyond to provide the best life for me & I want him to have some time with the boys but not if its gonna start eating in to time that we should be spending together.
I just want him to cut down on the amount of time that he spends with his friends so we can spend more time together & create memories. I want us to try new things together... & just have fun. I am not a boring wife at all, I'm quite a sport & he knows this so I don't understand why he's spending all his free time with friends
I didn't want to jump to this conclusion but I thought the same exact thing, especially after reading he always has an excuse when her and him are invited together by one of his friends.
I don't know, something seems off here. If he's that good of a husband and provides you with a great life (you mentioned in the post above mine, OP), why wouldn't he want to spend more time with you? Just seems odd, I feel like we're missing something here to better understand the situation.
I think it’s possible he’s spending a lot of time with friends and not necessarily with a girlfriend. The question is why does he want to spend so much time with his friends and not with you.
I find that on these forums people often want to assume someone is cheating anytime something is off. There can be other possibilities.
The only thing I will say is if you plan on having kids and a family ... let him enjoy that experience.
I remember hanging out with my best friend and his wife all the time. There were times where she admitted she felt like the 3rd wheel.
Since they had kids, I never see him. Guy used to work a few days a week 10 minutes away from where I live and I still literally never saw him.
She as well almost never sees her friends who have young kids too. And I know my sister never sees her friends and they were really tight, like friends for over 20 years.
Even without kids, it just happens when you get older. My GF almost never sees her friends though they talk.
I do understand men and women getting upset when their SO spends too much time with their friends, but I think in retrospect, when you get into your 40s and 50s, and you look back, the thought would be ... 'I'm glad I let him/her spend that much time with their friends.'
He generally is a very good husband, goes over & beyond to provide the best life for me & I want him to have some time with the boys but not if its gonna start eating in to time that we should be spending together.
I just want him to cut down on the amount of time that he spends with his friends so we can spend more time together & create memories. I want us to try new things together... & just have fun. I am not a boring wife at all, I'm quite a sport & he knows this so I don't understand why he's spending all his free time with friends
So why is he CHOOSING them over you?
And why is it just an accepted thing that many of his friends are having extramarital affairs? Seems like part of that group's culture, and if that is the case, you're on shaky ground.
Oh HELL no! He really picked a pushover weak ninny for a wife! Tell me you haven't put up w/ this the whole 3 yrs you've been married! Sounds like it. I wouldn't put up w/ this BS for a month. This is grounds for divorce if he doesn't change. You two shoudln't have even gotten married. He still wants to hang out w/ the buddies & act single. THis is NO marriage.
You should have stopped this habit after the 1st COUPLE & I literally mean just a COUPLE of times he did this. No way you should have allowed this habit to go on!
Sounds like he's been bored w/ you so he obviously prefers to be w/ a group/crowd all the time. He obviously would be scraping the walls if he had to spend a Fri or Sat night w/ just you. That's very, very sad.
And the fact that he'd rather spend time w/ immoral friends up to unscrupulous actions is very concerning. No, he doesn't want to spend time w/ the wholesome, good friends. He likes being w/ the lousy cheaters so he'll have an excuse to be one too. As they've always said, "birds of a feather flock together."
Have you ever asked to go w/ him ever? I'm sure ever time you ask, he wouldn't want that because his whole point is to GET AWAY FROM YOU.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
Are you sure he's actually with his friends?
If I was a betting person, hell no would I say he's been w/ friends every time. He's probably out cheating himself 1/2 or more of the time.
I read your situation to my fiance' & he says it's so obvious what's going on here...he's been going out w/ other women. He said no guy is out w/ buddies that often no matter how much he likes them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anon100
He generally is a very good husband, goes over & beyond to provide the best life for me & I want him to have some time with the boys but not if its gonna start eating in to time that we should be spending together.
I just want him to cut down on the amount of time that he spends with his friends so we can spend more time together & create memories. I want us to try new things together... & just have fun. I am not a boring wife at all, I'm quite a sport & he knows this so I don't understand why he's spending all his free time with friends
The part I bolded is probably why he's cheating. He's overcompensating by being all good w/ you so in his mind, he can justify what he does out there.
Also, he purposely is going "above & beyond" so you never question & suspect him about anything. I bet if you ever followed him when he goes out w/o him knowing of course, I bet you'd be appalled by what you find out. You need to start doing it. In fact, I'm surprised you're not itching to find out some things for yourself. You must be in denial & afraid to find out the truth. How can a wife just sit there every weekend night while her husband goes out & NEVER want to join him or see what he's really up to?!
Each time he goes out, you quickly get in YOUR car & follow him. It's at night anyway, so all the more reason he'll never suspect a thing because he's so used to doing what he does that he's not even thinking that you'd actually ever follow him one day. Have your cell phone ready to take pictures & anything else you feel you need to have evidence. I'd go to the spy shop & put a bug or at least tiny audio recorder in his car under the floor mat.
I dare you to do this...you'd wish you had LONG ago. If you'd just think about it & think back, I'm sure there were a TON of red flags you choose to ignore. THINK ABOUT IT. If he's out w/ friends & their wives are w/ them too he should be glad to have you along, but it's way too suspicious that it's ALWAYS just the "guys" he says he's w/ & YOU already know he doesn't want to be w/ the wholesome friends & is always making an excuse to not spend time w/ them but prefers to be w/ the friends who are having affairs. He's been totally lying. You know his CHEATING friends aren't going to want his best interest & make sure he's doing things right out there. Come on, THINK!
Last edited by Forever Blue; 08-10-2020 at 04:01 PM..
And why is it just an accepted thing that many of his friends are having extramarital affairs? Seems like part of that group's culture, and if that is the case, you're on shaky ground.
I wouldn't just assume because he has friends who are having extra marital affairs that he is too, however it would bother me if the only married friends he is hanging out with are having affairs. One friend, ok but all of them? That just wouldn't sit well with me. Especially since it puts your husband in an uncomfortable position if he knows their wives as well.
I don't think there's anything wrong with giving him one day a week to spend with his friends, but the whole weekend, every weekend? Seems a bit excessive.
I want to know how YOU know the friends are having extramarital affairs and if you know the wives are they aware, how are they behaving, do you have a relationship with these people or does he keep you out of the loop?.......
I NEED MORE INFO
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