Dealing with regret about past relationships (married, woman, single, therapy)
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I am usually pretty good, but today I am in my head. My first husband and I split up in 2006. One of our biggest issues was I was ready to be a parent, because I was a parent. He still wanted to party and not have anything to do with me and the family lifestyle.
About every 5 years or so, he shows up in our lives to see my daughter. This week is one of those weeks.... We still have a lot of resentment between us, even after many conversations trying to hash it out and get over it.
Well my daughter went and hung out with him tonight, after he invited her over. He is in a new relationship, with a woman that has a kid. I got nosy and looked at his social media photos. Lots of photos of him doing family activities with his new family. Back when he had us, he didn’t want it. Now he wants to have that with my daughter. Why is he 15 years to late? Why does he still come around? Why do we still have this resentment between us? Why am I still so angry with him? Why does he do **** like not put his truck in his name, instead of mine? And when will I get to a point where I am not pissed off at him for not being what I needed him to be back then?
People show you what they want you to see on social media. It’s probably not quite that way in real life.
Possibly but I do know he takes her child to school. I couldn’t get him to do much of anything for my daughter, and him and I were married when she was born.
He isn’t her father. I married him when I was pregnant.
This is pretty significant information that was left out of the first post.
He didn't act like your child's father because he isn't.
Did he know you were pregnant with someone else's child when he married you? Was there an agreement between you that was made at the time regarding the child?
He acts more mature now because he's 20 years older. But he's essentially in the same position with his new relationship as he was with you: being with a woman who has a child by another man.
These things are not insignificant. Why did you expect so much from him back then?
This is pretty significant information that was left out of the first post.
He didn't act like your child's father because he isn't.
Did he know you were pregnant with someone else's child when he married you? Was there an agreement between you that was made at the time regarding the child?
He acts more mature now because he's 20 years older. But he's essentially in the same position with his new relationship as he was with you: being with a woman who has a child by another man.
These things are not insignificant. Why did you expect so much from him back then?
Agreed. I dated a single dad for a time. I broke things off because I realized I didn't want to raise someone else's kid. I could see that being the reason he didn't take much interest in your kid.
I am usually pretty good, but today I am in my head. My first husband and I split up in 2006. One of our biggest issues was I was ready to be a parent, because I was a parent. He still wanted to party and not have anything to do with me and the family lifestyle.
About every 5 years or so, he shows up in our lives to see my daughter. This week is one of those weeks.... We still have a lot of resentment between us, even after many conversations trying to hash it out and get over it.
Well my daughter went and hung out with him tonight, after he invited her over. He is in a new relationship, with a woman that has a kid. I got nosy and looked at his social media photos. Lots of photos of him doing family activities with his new family. Back when he had us, he didn’t want it. Now he wants to have that with my daughter. Why is he 15 years to late? Why does he still come around? Why do we still have this resentment between us? Why am I still so angry with him? Why does he do **** like not put his truck in his name, instead of mine? And when will I get to a point where I am not pissed off at him for not being what I needed him to be back then?
The issue isn't with anything he is or isn't doing now, the issue is with you.
To me, this shows you are unhappy, dissastisfied with your life in the present. Maybe that is something you could take a look at, and work on.
15 years have passed. First, get that truck out of your name! Is this your way of hanging on to him in some small way? If he gets into a car accident, you will be on the hook for it.
And why exactly do you let him see your daughter once every 5 years?
You need to move on with your life. Stop looking in the rear view mirror. Does your fiance' know you are still (obviously) hung up on your ex husband? You could get therapy if this is really bothering you.
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