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Old 11-12-2020, 08:58 PM
 
19 posts, read 6,675 times
Reputation: 24

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I'm a 24yo guy who's a virgin and I don't like any of this casual sex culture. I want to meet a girl I connect with and save sex for when we're really serious or married. I want her to be a virgin too but apparently it's not common anymore but it's incredibly important to me that we both be virgins.



I'm decent looking and doing well financially, but I'm an introvert and only have guy friends so I don't know where I'd meet people looking for something serious. I've tried the dating apps but it's mostly people looking for sex and I just find it gross.


How can I meet more people and a girl who is a match for me, I'm catholic but my church is small with nobody my age, I'm okay with waiting for marriage as well but I'm not strict on dating a religious girl. As long as we have the same values(including on sex) and hasn't already been with someone? I really have no clue where to start looking and I don't want to come off badly since people don't understand where I'm coming from with it.


Helpful stuff would be: places to find girls like me, or places were I can meet people my age who can expand my circle and maybe match-make me a bit. Sorry if this offends some people this is my first post and I don't mean it in a bad way it's just important to me.
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Old 11-12-2020, 09:34 PM
 
Location: In bucolic TN
1,670 posts, read 2,954,551 times
Reputation: 2285
Bruh moment >respect<

There should be Catholic dating sites (look on the WWW) that can meet your needs. You should find someone there with like thinking. I found a number when I completed a search, but I will not espouse one over the other.

You should find activities in the community (hiking, arts, continuing education) that will keep you socially sharp. I realize with COVID, you won't have as much success, although masking up and keeping social distance w/o contact can eliminate difficulties. I suggest this latter venue as when you do meet the right one, you can show some interpersonal acuity and not overwhelm her.

I think the other part of engagement is being a volunteer - you can be a weekend docent in a museum, an usher for performances, or a person providing tours in a park or zoo. This will also enhance your comfort and allow you to connect with someone when the time/person is right.

I wish you luck!
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Old 11-12-2020, 09:45 PM
 
Location: VA, IL, FL, SD, TN, NC, SC
1,418 posts, read 527,279 times
Reputation: 3439
These days LDS people are everywhere. They vary a great deal with their interactions of those who are not LDS. And while there is a great deal of variance in pre-marital sexual relations among individuals, in general it is a branch of Christianity that tends to strongly favor chastity.

There are LDS dating sites/apps, and while you may eschew on-line dating sites I think you might find LDS specific ones refreshing.

I would advise you make it clear in your profile that you are not LDS but reiterate your personal values.

My sons are in your age range (21-26) and two of them dated LDS girls and were very favorably impressed. Unfortunately the young ladies were doing their missionary work in our area and then returned to their homes and then to complete their educations.

I have had several close friends who met their spouse on e-harmony. Apparently the values algorithm on that site is very strong. They all seem exceedingly happy in their marriages.

Another option, but more fraught with issues is to look at young ladies from cultures that respect more old fashioned male-female interactions. Two of my sons are looking at this for the reasons you stated.

You may want to look at modern arranged marriages. They are very different than traditional arranged marriages. What is amounts to, is the parents sort of filtering the dating prospects for their children and then they are free to date and marry as they wish in the "approved pool" of candidates. One of sons was involved in this approach and dated a young lady who respected herself for about 9 months. It was a good relationship for both, but they came to realize the wanted different experiences in life.

One group, that tend to very, very highly value virginity are Chinese Christians. I have an employee with 3 daughters and we have talked about this several times. One of my sons dated a Chinese Christian in college, and it went far enough that I met the parents. Ultimately, the fact my son is an agnostic terminated the relationship. However he sort of hung out in her circle in college and all of the Chinese Christians treated themselves and others with respect in regard to sexuality.

Stick to your values. You will one day find her and both of you will be richer for the experience of having only shared that bond with one another.

Last edited by GhostOfAndrewJackson; 11-12-2020 at 09:59 PM..
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Old 11-13-2020, 01:20 AM
 
Location: Southern California
10,396 posts, read 11,451,733 times
Reputation: 11926
How fabulously refreshing that a young guy such as yourself doesn't care about sex, sex, sex like most people! Oh how I wish there were a TON more guys out there in society like you! I'm one of those people w/ your mindset about sex as well & was always one of those people when I was a teen/your age too. I honestly don't know specific places where you'd find like-minded people who want to save sex for marriage, but there's always a few like that out there. The question is...will you ever run into them? Hopefully so!

Well, other than meeting women at church, I honestly don't know. Maybe look around for a new church to join since yours doesn't have many your age. (That doesn't mean you can never return to yours sometimes.)
Are there actually social groups out there in which all the members are saving themselves for marriage? I never knew. I totally agree w/ you about staying away from dating sites too.

Other than that, you can meet these kinds of people anywhere & I was going to say maybe the gym is a possible place, but w/ COVID these days & the gyms being closed, that won't be of much help nowadays.

Have you informed your guy friends that you're looking for a woman like this so they can all be on the lookout for you? I'd tell them because many people meet their SOs (significant others) via friends.

I REALLY wish I knew, but I wish you the best. You deserve a nice, decent young lady w/ your same like-mindedness who will appreciate your morals & values. Sounds like your parents raised you right. They should be extremely proud.

Oh lastly, PRAY for that special person to enter your life. God listens & will reward you for being the wholesome person that you are. My Mom was entering her 30s & prayed to God that she didn't go through life alone & she met a fabulous, hard-working, genuine, honest, kind man (my father). They were married for 43 yrs before my Dad passed at age 87 (only marriage for them both).
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Old 11-13-2020, 04:11 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale
1,976 posts, read 1,158,043 times
Reputation: 3784
Quote:
Originally Posted by whataglut View Post
I'm a 24yo guy who's a virgin and I don't like any of this casual sex culture. I want to meet a girl I connect with and save sex for when we're really serious or married. I want her to be a virgin too but apparently it's not common anymore but it's incredibly important to me that we both be virgins.



I'm decent looking and doing well financially, but I'm an introvert and only have guy friends so I don't know where I'd meet people looking for something serious. I've tried the dating apps but it's mostly people looking for sex and I just find it gross.


How can I meet more people and a girl who is a match for me, I'm catholic but my church is small with nobody my age, I'm okay with waiting for marriage as well but I'm not strict on dating a religious girl. As long as we have the same values(including on sex) and hasn't already been with someone? I really have no clue where to start looking and I don't want to come off badly since people don't understand where I'm coming from with it.


Helpful stuff would be: places to find girls like me, or places were I can meet people my age who can expand my circle and maybe match-make me a bit. Sorry if this offends some people this is my first post and I don't mean it in a bad way it's just important to me.
You are very young. In rural areas, it can be hard to meet other Catholic of the same age group. I would recommend going to graduate school at a Catholic College or a large public university that has a large community of Catholic young adults of your age range (early to mid 20s). If you don't want to go to graduate school, then you can get a job in a larger area and join such Catholic young adult groups or get active in the churches.

Marriage in youth is not to be taken lightly though. In general, the divorce rate is about 50%. Many Catholic couples who marry young have hard times. It's not easy. Parenthood can also be very stressful - especially in the pandemic. Marriage is not for the feint of heart. Make sure you really want to do it before you take the plunge. Infidelity is very common in the age of social media, and a lot of affairs also happen at work. This may be hard to believe during the honeymoon phase, but after 5-7 years the passion can fade and someone else could show up. That can be impeded though if you are careful and mature about approaching the commitment.

But it sounds like you just want to meet someone to start. From the public health perspective, it's great you avoided premarital promiscuity. I am Catholic too. I have had bizarre chances to have sex that I have avoided for religious and public health reasons. Once I went to Church at night near a major university. As I was pulling out, there were four drunk college girls who tried to get into my truck. Spring break had been over a week earlier, but they were still celebrating that weekend - girls gone wild (literally). But I just drove off - lol. Another time, I played basketball at the gym daily at another university. While there, a woman who always wore an exercise bra developed a fixation on me. She was "hot" but clearly had a promiscuous history with the "bad boy" types but for some reason decided she wanted a Catholic guy. The more I ignored her, the more flirtatious she got until I just stopped going to the gym. I literally left the building to avoid her. She was extremely beautiful but I strongly suspected she was a strong risk for infidelity and an STD. A lot of guys would likely have taken advantage of those situations above though. I was the rare statistical outlier like you. The temptations are out there - beware.
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Old 11-13-2020, 06:05 AM
 
Location: Baldwin
336 posts, read 377,963 times
Reputation: 1036
You need to learn how to come out of your shell and simply talk to women. They are literally everywhere. Library, grocery stores, parks, shopping malls, cooking classes... everywhere. I would recommend you see a therapist to help you with relationship self-esteem issues. Also, get it out of your head that you are looking for a future sexual partner. Women are not here to satisfy your sexual urges (I know that you weren't saying that, but when you tend to think about women in the context of "is she a virgin" instead of "would she make a good wife and mother" you train your brain). Practice simply talking with women you find attractive or interesting with no other purpose than a friendly exchange or possibly making a new friend. Let religion come up early in the relationship and that will help define you and possibly narrow the field. "Hey would you be interested in going to mass with me?" You really should define the qualities you are seeking in a mate beyond being a virgin and then actively seek a woman with those qualities. But you will never find her if you don't come out of your introverted cave and look for her. This is the advice from a former introvert.
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Old 11-13-2020, 08:11 AM
 
19 posts, read 6,675 times
Reputation: 24
Thanks for the response, I've had a couple more mild but similar incidences but I guess I'm pretty good at avoiding more unstable/promiscuous people.


Grad school would probably be convenient but I'd be doing it exclusively to find a girl since I already have a job I like with lots of flexibility and grad school would not benefit my career whatsoever. My job is fully remote so I guess I could move if that's a very good option.


One thing I can think of is going to church near the college I graduated from(it's a 25minute drive from where I live), I just wonder if it would be seen as inappropriate to go if I've already graduated?
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Old 11-13-2020, 08:15 AM
 
19 posts, read 6,675 times
Reputation: 24
Hmm, never personally heard of any Mormons where I live(Western Mass) but maybe on a dating site.


I appreciate the suggestions, I'd prefer to meet a someone in person locally but with how things are not that might not be realistic so I will keep these in mind, thank you!
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Old 11-13-2020, 08:47 AM
 
Location: between Mars and Venus
1,751 posts, read 1,102,240 times
Reputation: 2452
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever Blue View Post
How fabulously refreshing that a young guy such as yourself doesn't care about sex, sex, sex like most people!

t

Quite the contrary, I think he does actually care about sex...to a great deal that is!. Lol

OP, you're indeed a rare gem among men in this generation. You may have better luck if this is decades earlier, kudos to holding onto your values hope you find love soon.
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Old 11-13-2020, 09:10 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
26,179 posts, read 28,653,875 times
Reputation: 62179
Quote:
Originally Posted by softcrunch View Post
Quite the contrary, I think he does actually care about sex...to a great deal that is!. Lol

OP, you're indeed a rare gem among men in this generation. You may have better luck if this is decades earlier, kudos to holding onto your values hope you find love soon.
I'm not one to swing from the chandeliers myself, and the OP can have whatever whatever relationship requirements he desires. At the same time, virginity as concept is highly overrated. Having and enjoying sex does not mean a person is tainted or promiscuous. OP says that religion doesn't matter in a partner, but you're really only going to find an emphasis on virginity in religious circles.
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