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It sounds like you just don't have much in common.
What you listed here has nothing to do with being gay per se. You could take your post and write it from a straight perspective substituting key words and I'd say the same thing.
Last edited by Chowhound; 02-25-2021 at 10:43 AM..
I'm a gay guy.I've been seeing a guy for a few months now. I do like him and find him attractive, however we don't really have much in common.
I'm quite sporty and not really into gay culture. He isn't sporty and loves gay culture. RuPaul, Britney Spears etc. I don't have a problem with that, but it's just that he doesn't seem to have any actual hobbies, and that everything he watches or listens to has to be gay-related. His best friend is a girl, he likes shopping. He doesn't seem to have any male friends or like any male bands. He lives up to every stereotype, it just doesn't feel natural. He just seems obsessed with all things gay.
Usuallly I can just brush this off but I feel I may end up resenting him more for it. He is a bit camp but not overly camp. I feel it would be harsh to break it off because of this but sometimes I don't feel we're the right fit.
Any advice? Thanks.
I'm a gay guy too, and I know what you're talking about. I feel about it probably the same way you do to an extent. It's just an attribute it's not the core of who I am.
I came out when I was older (27) and you would never consider me camp at all in fact most people are quite shocked when they find out I'm gay. But in that process of coming out I had to express that. I was obsessed with gay culture and personally maybe this relates to your boyfriend maybe not it was like pressure had been released I had been in the closet I had been trying to be straight all through my years and well when you come out and you give up on that.
I think with gay men a lot of us spend a lot longer in that phase. For me it was a few weeks some guys it's a few years others it's a few decades.
If you're looking for love and you want to be in a relationship with this guy you have to accept them for who he is he can't change he like most of us probably tried to.
Is for it being an overwhelming part of his personality, as pase is being a gay man is now, you're still going against the grain, I'm not saying it's wrong or you should be ashamed of it but that's how some of us feel. I'm not sure if you do to any extent. Some of us cope with this in different ways. Some of us put on makeup and become drag queens, some of us put it out of our heads. I would advise against confronting him about this because it really is a core facet of his personality and he will feel attacked. A big part of a relationship is compromise that being said how much should you compromise and how much can you compromise. If you grow to despise this person over this you can't compromise on that.
I'm one of those people I don't want to be thought of as the gay friend that you get to go to the parades with. I am a normal person a normal guy I want to be treated like a normal guy. And this may be a bit of a hurtful thing to say to someone like your boyfriend, I don't once someone across the room to be able to determine my sexuality based on how I look or how I walk. People often tell me this is being ashamed it's not. It's wanting to be normal and being gay is normal. I don't have a problem with drag queens and people like your boyfriend I'm not sure I could date someone like that but I would be willing to try.
I have known many gay coworkers/friends and one told me, when I asked him about a lisping stereotype, etc. "Oppression doesn't create anything pretty." Maybe to feel okay about being gay, this man needs to identify with stereotypical gay interests. Like a clone look only for interests. I'm guessing it's a phase in the feeling of belonging to the tribe.
What I think the more stereotypical lisping type gay guy is it doing is advertising himself is gay not necessarily to attract other gay men though that's part of it but so within 5 seconds of talking to the person you know they're gay so that doesn't have to be that awkward conversation 5 months into a friendship where someone finds out they're gay. It's a way of communicating that what you see is what you get. I see it more as a defense mechanism so that they don't get hurt by friends or family they probably have before who cut them out of their life because of something like this that they can't help.
for me the only family that cut me out of their life is family I didn't want to have anything to do with in the first place so I don't necessarily feel that same need.
Yeah, I’m a gay guy as well and know exactly the type of guy you are describing. I feel like I’ve met the same person dozens and dozens of times over. It’s almost like a gay archetypal personality.
You should be grateful that he only has female friends because if and when he has other gay friends they’re most likely going to have the exact same personality as he does.
I dated a guy like what you are describing and it did not work out. Physical attraction only gets you so far. I had absolutely nothing in common with him or his friends and couldn’t get over the fact that they referred to each other (and me, and sometimes straight guys) as “she.†Drove me NUTS. And I refuse to watch RuPaul drag show to this day because it brings back memories of having to go to the bar with him and his gaggle of laughing hyenas to watch it every week. Ugh.
Best case scenario, maybe he isn’t as one dimensional as you think. If you’re still getting to know him maybe it’s not time to call it quits yet if there aren’t other issues.
That absolutely could get annoying if I wanted to date women I would be straight... Lol.
You just don't have much in common. A straight couple could have the same problem. Say the woman only likes shopping, getting her nails and hair done, and watches The Housewives Everywhere, and loves boy bands.
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It sounds like you just don't have much in common.
What you listed here has nothing to do with being gay per se. You could take your post and write it from a straight perspective substituting key words and I'd say the same thing.
Just saw this. Great minds...
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It sounds like you just don't have much in common.
What you listed here has nothing to do with being gay per se. You could take your post and write it from a straight perspective substituting key words and I'd say the same thing.
Yeah I suppose that's true. A straight guy could be stating how his girlfriend is way into feminist politics or veganism or something.
Yeah I suppose that's true. A straight guy could be stating how his girlfriend is way into feminist politics or veganism or something.
Or a guy who is all about drinking with the guys, watching every sport on TV, only eats meat and potatoes, and works out.
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Or a guy who is all about drinking with the guys, watching every sport on TV, only eats meat and potatoes, and works out.
Yeah I was just thinking that it was kind of an exclusive thing to gay men but there's other varieties of it I'm sure.
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