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I wouldn't use one if I lived in a big city. Too many players and people with possibly criminal intentions even. It seems almost dangerous in that way for women and it would be tedious sorting through all the matches and profiles since there are probably 100s of thousands.
It's working well for me in a smaller town in a rural area though because there are fewer people on there but the ones that are on are usually pretty high quality and serious about meeting someone as well. There also aren't a lot of ways to connect with other singles here so the dating app seems most efficient.
That goes along with my thoughts why dating is so hard for guys now or why there seems to be many more lifelong lonely guys than in the past, prior to online dating your dating pool was pretty much your immediate area, meaning school, your neighborhood, friends of friends, coworkers or people you happened to run into during your normal day to day routine(those "we met at the laundromat" stories) and while many people still meet in those ways, online dating has much expanded the search radius especially for the more "desirable" people, so there is now never a time where those people take another look at the ones they may have passed over or put in the "friend category" because they have a seemingly endless supply of new people to meet via online dating, where as in the past they would notice that their dating pool is becoming full of people they have already dated or people one of their friends or family have already dated creating a sense of scarcity.
So for people in small towns with balanced male/female ratios online dating is more beneficial because it opens up your whole area, but there is still just enough scarcity on both sides that everyone has a shot.
there have been marketing studies for years that have shown that the more options customers have on any particular product the more picky they become in selecting said product.
That goes along with my thoughts why dating is so hard for guys now or why there seems to be many more lifelong lonely guys than in the past, prior to online dating your dating pool was pretty much your immediate area, meaning school, your neighborhood, friends of friends, coworkers or people you happened to run into during your normal day to day routine(those "we met at the laundromat" stories) and while many people still meet in those ways, online dating has much expanded the search radius especially for the more "desirable" people, so there is now never a time where those people take another look at the ones they may have passed over or put in the "friend category" because they have a seemingly endless supply of new people to meet via online dating, where as in the past they would notice that their dating pool is becoming full of people they have already dated or people one of their friends or family have already dated creating a sense of scarcity.
So for people in small towns with balanced male/female ratios online dating is more beneficial because it opens up your whole area, but there is still just enough scarcity on both sides that everyone has a shot.
there have been marketing studies for years that have shown that the more options customers have on any particular product the more picky they become in selecting said product.
It does give an unfair advantage in favor of the most desirable people. I currently have someone very highly desirable (in terms of success, status, resources, etc.) yet long distance showing interest in me and there are also more "average" locals, but the highly desirable one is making it much harder for those more average local guys to get and keep my attention, when they are competing with the top 1% guy.
It's also unfair to me if the highly desirable guy is just toying with me and isn't serious, because he's wasting my time and delaying me finding a more realistic local match.
It does give an unfair advantage in favor of the most desirable people. I currently have someone very highly desirable (in terms of success, status, resources, etc.) yet long distance showing interest in me and there are also more "average" locals, but the highly desirable one is making it much harder for those more average local guys to get and keep my attention, when they are competing with the top 1% guy.
It's also unfair to me if the highly desirable guy is just toying with me and isn't serious, because he's wasting my time and delaying me finding a more realistic local match.
It's not a level playing field.
I appreciate your honesty, most women try to gaslight us when we notice this pattern. oh and by average guys, I'm not talking about losers or "butt ugly guys" I'm talking about the the guy of average looks and modest income, the guy that 20 years ago if he showed up on a blind date you wouldn't be thrilled, but you wouldn't be pissed off at the person who set you up either, the guy who is at the level that his personality would actually be a determining factor on if things moved forward. while today that guy has to compete with some prettyboy of means who lives 6 hours away.
And Ironically while online dating has been a detriment to average guys, it's been a benefit to "average" women, the if she showed up on a blind date you wouldn't be thrilled, but you wouldn't be pissed off at the person who set you up either, .
Not ugly or obese but not the type who guys daydream about, might dress a little frumpy or quirky, that type benefits from the extended search radius AND the fact that even 20 years in men outnumber women on all the dating sites add to that most of the women on the dating site are either obese or have multiple children and the most attractive ones ARENT looking for long-term or possible marriage just "casual dating/nothing serious".
And I'm not making fun of plain janes, truthfully my longest and most drama free relationships tend to be with the type shown in the photo above.
I've had some extremely attractive girlfriends in the past and almost all of those relationships have ended in tears.
I appreciate your honesty, most women try to gaslight us when we notice this pattern. oh and by average guys, I'm not talking about losers or "butt ugly guys" I'm talking about the the guy of average looks and modest income, the guy that 20 years ago if he showed up on a blind date you wouldn't be thrilled, but you wouldn't be pissed off at the person who set you up either, the guy who is at the level that his personality would actually be a determining factor on if things moved forward. while today that guy has to compete with some prettyboy of means who lives 6 hours away.
And Ironically while online dating has been a detriment to average guys, it's been a benefit to "average" women, the if she showed up on a blind date you wouldn't be thrilled, but you wouldn't be pissed off at the person who set you up either, .
Not ugly or obese but not the type who guys daydream about, might dress a little frumpy or quirky, that type benefits from the extended search radius AND the fact that even 20 years in men outnumber women on all the dating sites add to that most of the women on the dating site are either obese or have multiple children and the most attractive ones ARENT looking for long-term or possible marriage just "casual dating/nothing serious".
And I'm not making fun of plain janes, truthfully my longest and most drama free relationships tend to be with the type shown in the photo above.
I've had some extremely attractive girlfriends in the past and almost all of those relationships have ended in tears.
Right, when I say "average" local, I'm talking about guys that are still successful and attractive. But they aren't the top 1%. They are business owners, cops, UPS drivers, with decent personalities and physically fit.
As for the ladies on the app, I do agree from what I've seen many are on the lower end of attractiveness or average at best. The number system isn't the best but as a short cut it's easier to use: the women 9s of the world certainly aren't on there while there might be the 9s of guys on there. It's a true sausage fest.
I don't know why more women aren't on. I kind of wonder if the predatory behavior of a small percentage of men might have scared them off. Like the youtuber I mentioned who teaches guys how to play women almost in a calculated sociopathic way.
But that's how bars and nightclubs are too. Women are there in lower numbers. The apps are just taking a Saturday night sausage fest bar and exaggerating it to extremes.
Honestly, depends what you look like. Success on dating apps, is dependent on your looks, and the go from there. So if you are an attractive person, it will be successful in getting you dates. If you are not attractive at all, you will struggle big time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
It does give an unfair advantage in favor of the most desirable people.
I don't think this is true at all. I've read time and again that average looking men and women do best on dating apps. Pretty consistently.
Meanwhile, I know a number of very attractive men and women, who have everything going for them, who have zero luck finding what they're looking for (mind you, most of them are looking for LTRs, not hookups).
I tried a couple of dating apps off and on for about 4 years. Met a few nice guys but no one I had romantic feelings for.
Also met a LOT of men who've been divorced 3+ times (one contacted who'd been divorced SIX times); men with big time addictions; men who seem to really struggle financially; men who simply aren't compatible in any way; and -- this is the big one -- men who talk endlessly about themselves. There were countless times I couldn't get a word in edgewise.
In fact, I often got the impression that I could get up and walk away for 20 minutes, and he'd still be talking about himself when I returned.
Yes, I'm sure there are female equivalents to all of the above bad date examples, but I don't date women, so I can't speak to that.
Dating apps work for some people, which is great. But there are very good reasons why they don't seem to work for most people.
The gyst is:
1. People use dating apps because they have trouble connecting with others
2. People are too selective, have unrealistic expectations about who they will find
3. People can hide behind the screen and pretend to be what they are not (aka catfish)
4. People misrepresent their intentions, they pretend to want love when they just want sex
5. People lie about themselves and hope the other person will look past the lies once they are emotionally invested
Sobering!
1. Possible; also possible that the person is an introvert and doesn't socialize.
2. Nothing wrong with being selective. Having unrealistic expectations is a problem with the person. One must understand that there will always be negatives with the other person. The question is: do the positives outweigh the negatives and can you live with the negatives?
3. If they refuse to meet, then refuse to continue to communicate.
4. Do not have sex until married. Wait at least 6 months to a year until you get married. Realize this may seem impossible for the secular world out there, but it is expected for the conservative Christian.
5. Make lying the negative that won't outweigh the positive. If it is a blatant lie (not well I said I was 6'0 but I'm actually 5'11". To me that's pretty insignificant. I actually prefer shorter men so that would be a plus for me), then the man (from my perspective) only has himself to blame when the woman chooses to refuse to contact him anymore.
For all of these, you just have to be a strong person and not desperate.
I met my husband on an internet forum like this one (not a dating site). But all these applied to him since we still met online.
Right, when I say "average" local, I'm talking about guys that are still successful and attractive. But they aren't the top 1%. They are business owners, cops, UPS drivers, with decent personalities and physically fit.
As for the ladies on the app, I do agree from what I've seen many are on the lower end of attractiveness or average at best. The number system isn't the best but as a short cut it's easier to use: the women 9s of the world certainly aren't on there while there might be the 9s of guys on there. It's a true sausage fest.
I don't know why more women aren't on. I kind of wonder if the predatory behavior of a small percentage of men might have scared them off. Like the youtuber I mentioned who teaches guys how to play women almost in a calculated sociopathic way.
But that's how bars and nightclubs are too. Women are there in lower numbers. The apps are just taking a Saturday night sausage fest bar and exaggerating it to extremes.
Oh there are plenty of female 8,9 and 10's on the dating sites, but the problem is most of them are only there for casual dating or "Just friends"
And yes there are guys who are just seeking casual dating or "Just friends" but with guys it seems to be spread out more evenly among all levels of attraction.
And as far as the predatory behavior, it's the scarcity that creates such behavior for the most part. if an average guy could be himself approach women and have positive results, they would NOT be going to these sleazeballz to learn how to manipulate women, sad thing is many of those tactics work most of the time at least partially, they won't help you attract the love of your life, but they will get you laid, and to many who can't get either on their own it seems like a good deal.
Also part of the problem is (in general) women have an advantage because men tend to be more simple in our selection process, if we find her reasonably attractive and she is easy to get along with and she seems like the faithful type we are onboard, but women factor in those things also, but they also factor in our education level, career or lack there of, not just whether we have our own place but what side of town it's on, how big our circle of friends and associates is, etc etc etc,
And with online dating a woman can keep extending her search radius until she finds a guy that has all those traits or close to it and at the same time has no trouble finding a guy for whom she fits his Criteria .
there was a study a few years back that found that statistically couples where one person was way more attractive than their partner tended to have known their partner LONGER before they became a couple than couples that were equally matched in looks.
Basically the "he wore me down" couples, usually it happened when some outside force has them in the same proximity long enough to where the pretty one got to know the not so pretty or average one and they slowly developed feelings for them. yes that still happens but it happens less now that online dating gives the desirable ones a larger dating pool.
Now in my age group(50) those results would be skewed, because many of the couples I know like that it's a simple case of one simply aged better than their partner and they were even in looks when they first got together.
And as far as the predatory behavior, it's the scarcity that creates such behavior for the most part. if an average guy could be himself approach women and have positive results, they would NOT be going to these sleazeballz to learn how to manipulate women, sad thing is many of those tactics work most of the time at least partially, they won't help you attract the love of your life, but they will get you laid, and to many who can't get either on their own it seems like a good deal.
Disagree. While what you’re calling scarcity (or, more aptly, lack of success) could create such behavior, it would always exist with trade-upsmanship. There will always be people who, no matter what they have or how easy of a time they have getting it, will always want more and better, and manipulation like you’re describing can help them get it.
I don't know why more women aren't on. I kind of wonder if the predatory behavior of a small percentage of men might have scared them off.
My guess is, a lot of women don’t necessarily need to do online dating, they find enough suitors offline. I know it’s anecdotal, but how many times in your life have you been asked out offline?
Disagree. While what you’re calling scarcity (or, more aptly, lack of success) could create such behavior, it would always exist with trade-upsmanship. There will always be people who, no matter what they have or how easy of a time they have getting it, will always want more and better, and manipulation like you’re describing can help them get it.
Having traveled and lived all over this country I can tell you that some places are more conducive to dating/relationships than others and more places are more favorable to women than men and it usually comes down to scarcity if the male/female ratio is even women have the advantage, if men outnumber women, women have the advantage, if women outnumber men it's an even playing field, if women DRASTICLY outnumber men, men have the advantage.
I've pulled into towns where at the one or two bars in town there is like 6 guys and like 30 women and in those towns it's never hard to get positive attention from women,. Because the scarcity is working in the other direction.
Also it does not matter if it's just lack of success, if men really could be themselves and get a positive response from women talking about there comic collection, they would not be trying to learn how to trigger latent cave woman DNA to spark attraction..
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length
My guess is, a lot of women don’t necessarily need to do online dating, they find enough suitors offline. I know it’s anecdotal, but how many times in your life have you been asked out offline?
TRue
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