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I wish he would just send me a clear cut message if he wasn't interested. Even if he would have just stopped replying to my texts completly, that'd be an obvious message. But my overthinking brain has me wondering if mabye he just has a bunch of work stuff on his mind or he hasn't realized how much time has passed, etc. On the other hand, my overthinking mind has me wondering if he met someone else that he's more interested in so he has no desire to put in any effort with me. But I also don't want to be stressing and over analyzing every communication we have, so I probably should just walk away from all of this now. But, there's that pesky problem of the fact that I really like him....ugh, dating sucks.
I wish he would just send me a clear cut message if he wasn't interested. Even if he would have just stopped replying to my texts completly, that'd be an obvious message. But my overthinking brain has me wondering if mabye he just has a bunch of work stuff on his mind or he hasn't realized how much time has passed, etc. On the other hand, my overthinking mind has me wondering if he met someone else that he's more interested in so he has no desire to put in any effort with me. But I also don't want to be stressing and over analyzing every communication we have, so I probably should just walk away from all of this now. But, there's that pesky problem of the fact that I really like him....ugh, dating sucks.
I get it. Respond if he texts. Dating life in the old days was so much easier with people not being as disposable before all the apps and such. Its a lonely feeling, and I totally get it. Stay open and respond if he reaches out. If he doesn't, try (I know its hard) to move on. I had an instance a year and a half ago where I thought after date #3 we were about to take it to the next level and she dropped the bomb on me that she had a stronger connection with another man. I was floored based on our deep, long conversations. That's when I decided to stop dating altogether.
As a woman in some ways from my perspective it's easier, especially if you're considered attractive (subjective, I realize). Women generally if they smile and make eye contact get way more attention than single men do. I speak from experience, so don't be like me and lose hope!
I had been casually running into a man at Starbucks once or twice a week since summer (we both work nearby and stop in the mornings). We would casually talk in line while waiting for our order, and after exchanging names I friended him on Facebook. From there we would send messages every couple of weeks - nothing personal; just stuff if one of us heard about construction or something that was going on near Starbucks. For convenience sake, we exchanged phone numbers to text instead of FB messaging, but we still only continued to text sporadically.
Fast forward to the beginning of January, and he sends me a text saying that it's been a long time since he's been interested in dating someone, but he would like to take a chance with me. I told him I was flattered and interested also. However, in the weeks that followed, he never actually asked me out on a date and our texts continued to only happen every 3-4 days. Often I would initiate a conversation, and he'd reply with one or two word answers which made me feel like I was bothering him. At the beginning of February I took the initiative and asked him if he wanted to go for a walk. He said yes and we went to a local park for about an hour and had a nice walk. At the end, he said he had a great time and that we'd have to do it again. But...over a week and a half went by without him asking me to do anything, so I again asked him if he wanted to do something. He again said yes and we went to a golf driving range for a couple hours and had a nice time. At the end, he said "next time we'll go to lunch or dinner". This was two weeks ago, and again he hasn't asked me to do anything. The communication remains the same: we'll text every three or four days, but more often than not he only responds with one or two word replies and usually just stops responding without a 'goodbye' or 'goodnight'.
So - should I AGAIN ask him if he wants to go out again? Or do I look at this as his way of showing that he's just not interested? HE was the one who initially told me he was interested in dating - but he certainly doesn't make it seem like he is...or maybe he realized he isn't after getting to know me a little better?
I like him a lot and I'd hate to just give up if there's potential for something to develop, but I certainly don't want to be acting desperate if he's trying to let me know he's not interested by his actions (or more accurately, his lack of actions).
What should I do? Do I let this go, or do I try again?
If it were me, I would NOT reach out to him again. He needs to have a little fire in his belly, and it seems to me he's being a little too 'easy come, easy go'.
Go for it and make the first move. He hasn't said no before and he's already let you know he'd be interested in dating. Could be he fears rejection and so won't make that first move.
But this would actually be the THIRD move on her part. They've already gotten together twice, at her prompting.
I'm so tempted to throw out a offer tomorrow to go to lunch just to use his answer in a way to get some closure. If he says no, then I canbe satisfied in knowing to never revisit this situation again. If he says yes, I'd know that there was at least a little interest still there. Then again, even if he said yes, I could be going through all this confusinext week at this time because he's probably continue to do the same thing with hardly initiating contact. I wish I could just get it out of my head that he's just awkward at the dating thing and that's the reason for his lack of initiation....
I get it. Respond if he texts. Dating life in the old days was so much easier with people not being as disposable before all the apps and such. Its a lonely feeling, and I totally get it. Stay open and respond if he reaches out. If he doesn't, try (I know its hard) to move on. I had an instance a year and a half ago where I thought after date #3 we were about to take it to the next level and she dropped the bomb on me that she had a stronger connection with another man. I was floored based on our deep, long conversations. That's when I decided to stop dating altogether.
As a woman in some ways from my perspective it's easier, especially if you're considered attractive (subjective, I realize). Women generally if they smile and make eye contact get way more attention than single men do. I speak from experience, so don't be like me and lose hope!
You’re engaged, not single. What is there for you to lose hope about?
I'm so tempted to throw out a offer tomorrow to go to lunch just to use his answer in a way to get some closure. If he says no, then I canbe satisfied in knowing to never revisit this situation again. If he says yes, I'd know that there was at least a little interest still there. Then again, even if he said yes, I could be going through all this confusinext week at this time because he's probably continue to do the same thing with hardly initiating contact. I wish I could just get it out of my head that he's just awkward at the dating thing and that's the reason for his lack of initiation....
IMO, you retain a little bit of the upper hand, if you just back off and wait for him to make the next move...or not.
My logic; If you back off, and he reaches out, it's because HE was thinking of YOU fondly, and wants to spend time with you. THAT will be more gratifying than him just saying "sure, we can do lunch that day, I'm not busy." Or "Sure...I guess I can wash my hair on another day." LOL
Let him make YOU a priority, instead of the other way around.
For heaven's sake, just ask. You have nothing to lose. you have asked him out twice and he's accepted twice. Now is the time to ask him flat out whether or not he is still interested in seeing you. Just tell him that the message he's sending is he's not very interested. If he says he's interested and wants to keep seeing you, then tell him he has to step up to the plate and ask you out at least half the time. Don't play games, don't just keep wondering, just lay out your expectations.
And then if he says he's still interested, stop worrying about it. Accept a date if he asks, but keep your options open and go out with other people in the meantime.
For heaven's sake, just ask. You have nothing to lose. you have asked him out twice and he's accepted twice. Now is the time to ask him flat out whether or not he is still interested in seeing you. Just tell him that the message he's sending is he's not very interested. If he says he's interested and wants to keep seeing you, then tell him he has to step up to the plate and ask you out at least half the time. Don't play games, don't just keep wondering, just lay out your expectations.
And then if he says he's still interested, stop worrying about it. Accept a date if he asks, but keep your options open and go out with other people in the meantime.
Good advice, I was going to say something similar.
Talk to him. Not text.
Also whatever his answer is don't get all "one-itis" about him.
See other people if you have the opportunity.
Good luck!
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