RP: Relocation and it's affect on a marriage (how to, husband, family)
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Looks like we might have an offer to relocate back to my town. I haven't liked Seattle, and will look forward to the move back, but in Seattle we are financially better off, and Sacramento is getting hit hard with a localized recession - badly. Although I could.can find a job (that pays well) easily, my husband is leaving everything behind and will have an extremely difficult time finding work and it probably won't pay very much.
It's a bit tense at our house - he wants me to just make a decision - I want to make sure he's 100% on board, so that later on down the road he doesn't regret the move or make our relationship strained (the relocation and new baby make it strained enough)
I'm worried - but at the same time desperately want to move back to Sac
Other than Sacramento being your home town, what else do you like about it that you are willing to leave an area where you are financially better off and I'm sure is much more interesting and beautiful, and go back to a town that is doing badly economically? With a baby coming won't you need to rely more on your husband's income which it seems he has in Seattle? My suggestion would be NOT to move at this stage both economically and personally. You have many years after your child is born to move back to Sacramento if it makes sense, but take it from me, a person who has relocated almost yearly for the last seven years...it is a big strain, period! I left my home town twice and moved back and found it wasn't all it was cracked up to be and not what I remembered and couldn't wait to move back east. Took us three hard years to be in a financial position to move cross country away from the hometown but it is better for my husband's business and we like it much better than California. What is the offer to move back?
How bad could Seattle be that you are willing to have your husband sacrifice his career for you? And also be willing to live on a lot less money. How could you make it financially in Sacramento with only you working? Where would you live, what if your husband can't find a job in six months, twelve months, twenty months?
These are questions I would look long and hard at prior to moving. Maybe you and your husband both would have better luck in a third location ----- I would also look at that option. But to move with potential dire consequences for your family (financial and marital) so that you could be near family is shortsighted.
6 years ago I graduated from Uni with my Aerospace Engineering degree. Being from Missouri originally there was one logical place to work if I wanted to remain in-state...Boeing St Louis. But they weren't hiring at the time. But Lockheed Martin Fort Worth, TX was hiring big time. So I had a choice. Go back and get my Masters degree, go home and live with Mom&Dad, or accept a nice offer to work on the largest defense contract EVER. ummm....how easy is that decision to make??
But oh yeah....my fiance and her daughter would have to be dragged kicking and screaming to Texas with me. So the last 6 years we've done pretty good finacially. But She has always wanted to get back to Missouri. Still no jobs available....but still wants to go back. I'm trying to figure out how actual bills would be paid if we lived there while she's telling me how great life would be if we were close to family.....HELLOOOOOO!!!!!
Recently my job went away at Lockheed Martin so I tried like hell to get a position at Boeing STL....still not hiring people with my skills. But Wichita, KS has 5 aero companies hiring. So now I'm dragging her kicking and screaming to Kansas.
See where I'm going with this? You got to go where the money is. If you don't you're screwing yourself finacially. And if your finances are screwed then you sure won't be happy no matter where you are.
Oh sorry for not clarifying - In Sacramento I'm being offered 120K a year, (thus the relocation) my husband makes 45K a year right now...so I'm the breadwinner, and it's hard for him to find a job, even up here in Seattle, we looked around for jobs for him and they were non existant and paid like 30K.
So we contimplate him going back to school (he does have a degree in Botany but zero experience in it) while he takes care of the baby.
Oh sorry for not clarifying - In Sacramento I'm being offered 120K a year, (thus the relocation) my husband makes 45K a year right now...so I'm the breadwinner, and it's hard for him to find a job, even up here in Seattle, we looked around for jobs for him and they were non existant and paid like 30K.
So we contimplate him going back to school (he does have a degree in Botany but zero experience in it) while he takes care of the baby.
Under those circumstances, the move seems like a no-brainer. Why is your husband hesitant?
He's not really hesitant as I am. He says he'll just "adapt" so he's being passive agressive about it.
He'll be leaving his friends (know each other 15 year), his career (he's in a job that could one day be something) and leaving his *home*. I moved to Seattle to get married (we've known each other 20 years) but I left everything behind, I feel bad to now do that to him.
She's already born - she 5 months old (we also have a 6 year old)
He was laid off right about the time she was born so he has satyed home with her this whole time - he just got a new job and started two weeks ago - now I'm asking him to quit this great new job (although doesn't pay much) and move his life for my gain...at least that's how it feels, he doesn't say that.
PS - He's a MUCH better stay at home parent then I am - I'm a career ladder climber - we have a reverse relationship. He cleans the house, I pay the bills..used to be more equal but my career has taken off
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