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Old 03-17-2021, 11:01 PM
 
1,709 posts, read 1,096,121 times
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Besides the amount of time, effort and compromise that goes into a marriage (I'm not capable of it and won't try), why would anyone want to go through more than one wedding? Absolutely torturous.
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Old 03-17-2021, 11:11 PM
 
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I married at 18 and 3 years later I divorced him for cheating and we had a 2 year old. I remarried someone 9 years older and had 2 more sons. He also adopted my oldest son. I divorced him once the kids were grown because he was very controlling and verbally abusive. I said I would never marry again. I met my third husband through a friend and we lived together for 6 years before marrying. We were very happy. I divorced him in January because he cheated and it wasn’t the first time. Of the 23 years we were together he changed during the last 10. He stopped treating me as well, got much worse about saving stuff bordering on hoarding and became so lazy he barely did anything to help around the house. I hung in so long because it was my third marriage. I would have stayed if he hadn’t been a serial cheater. I feel much lighter and happier since divorcing him. I literally did everything and it got to be like being responsible for a child.

We are still living together until the house closes on 4/16 and the condo I bought. His junk has to be gone for the house to close so like usual my stuff is packed and I am helping him pack. I asked him for years to let me help him sort through junk and get rid of it. Now that he has to pay for storage he said he will throw about 80% of it away. I limited his messes to the garage, giant shed and his office. I could barely get to the washer and dryer in the garage. The point of this story is that there’s no guarantee a good marriage will stay that way.
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Old 03-18-2021, 12:52 AM
 
8,238 posts, read 6,529,446 times
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Person I know......

16 years first marriage

divorce

10 years second marriage

divorce

over 20 years third marriage

it is sometimes called 'serial monogamy'
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Old 03-18-2021, 08:29 AM
 
13,262 posts, read 7,930,328 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scribbles76 View Post
Besides the amount of time, effort and compromise that goes into a marriage (I'm not capable of it and won't try), why would anyone want to go through more than one wedding? Absolutely torturous.

Says the guy who's never married, and probably never will. My first wedding was at the court house. My second wedding was a happy celebration with friends and family, and we all had a good time. No torture involved.
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Old 03-18-2021, 08:42 AM
 
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Old guy I used to work for was married at least ten times, some of those were second marriages to same woman. Think even he lost count. He was from a different time and saw "living together" without marriage something only morally corrupt did. Though saying that, he did have many whorehouse stories, so.... guess morality is in the eye of the beholder. He was a colorful character.
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Old 03-18-2021, 09:33 AM
 
18,607 posts, read 33,173,132 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scribbles76 View Post
Besides the amount of time, effort and compromise that goes into a marriage (I'm not capable of it and won't try), why would anyone want to go through more than one wedding? Absolutely torturous.

No need for a Wedding. If so desired, you can go to City Hall and then go out for dinner, if the legal ramifications of marriage are something you want and don't want a wedding. Weddings are such a scam.
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Old 03-18-2021, 06:53 PM
 
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My ex bf was married twice, first marriage he was 18 and it lasted 2 years (for green card purposes), second marriage he was late 20's married for 17 years and had two kids. He claimed he wanted to get married again, but who knows if that's true, however he always said the first marriage didn't really count, and kept it pretty much secret. Most people he knew only thought he was married once. Plus he's still fairly young (late 40's) so I guess I can see him getting married for a 3rd time, although I'm sure he'll play it off as his second marriage. He claimed he loved being married, hence he stayed longer in his last marriage than he should've (his words, not mine).
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Old 03-19-2021, 10:23 AM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,207 posts, read 14,430,848 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
No need for a Wedding. If so desired, you can go to City Hall and then go out for dinner, if the legal ramifications of marriage are something you want and don't want a wedding. Weddings are such a scam.
I disagree, but only because of the perspective that I hold.

The first time, I was reluctant to marry as I was not in love with him enough to want to celebrate it, we'd been together for 10 years and had 2 kids and it would hurt our tax situation. I did not see the point. But when he went back into the Army, he convinced me (for reasons other than the benefits of being a mil spouse, which I didn't know about, but he said if we were not legally married, he might have to live in the barracks rather than us getting a housing allowance and all that, they would not pay to move the family to his duty stations, etc.) So we went to the courthouse and did it like an errand to the DMV. I didn't even get a ring, until years later when I decided I wanted one, so I bought myself a plain silver band for like $20.

Once it was over, some 8 years after we married, the fact that our wedding was so not special in any way, felt linked to how the marriage itself was a matter of survival, obligation, and increasing hardship. I did not expect to ever marry again...but...

I wound up with a really wonderful relationship. We dated for a couple of years, then moved in together. We talked about getting married for a few more, and then did so. And because we both love one another with all our hearts, I wanted it to feel special. We initially had some big awesome plans, but then Covid happened, so we scaled it down a lot. We ended up renting a really beautiful remote mountain vacation home and just having a few friends there that we were comfortable sharing some level of risk with, and kept things outdoors as much as possible. We had a really nice, relaxing, beautiful 5 days up there and no one got sick, and we spent less than half what we would have with the initial plan, so I call the whole thing a success.

Ultimately I wanted to feel like we were celebrating and embracing our choice to combine our lives together.

When I married the first time, I imagined and hoped for a future where "things"...the aspects of life that made my former husband the unhappy man that he was, would get better and if we worked very hard, then one day we could have our happily ever after. It's not that I didn't believe it was possible, but I saw it as a destination. When we achieved a certain level of comfort in life and he got worse than ever, I knew we would never get there. With my second husband, he is the only safe harbor in my whole life. Everything else can be stressful but if I'm with him, my heart is calm and joyful. Neither of us is waiting for the other to become someone that we are not.

My first husband was 29 when we met, and his second marriage was ending. I was his third. According to him, the failures in his first two were the woman's fault, but it should have been a red flag, among many red flags, but I was only 18 and was full of that "nothing bad could happen to me" youthful foolishness. He says he doesn't want to get married again, but I think that's only because he's in his 50s now and women don't seem very interested in him, so it comforts him to say it's his choice. But he still fixates on any woman who will talk to him, even friends, puts them on pedestals, tells everyone that they are "not like other women" and love bombs them like he does early in relationships. He wanted to marry me the first 10 years we were together, it's part of his possessive nature.

Ultimately, the answer to the OP's questions is that people do all kinds of things for all kinds of reasons. Everyone has a story, and no two are quite the same.
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Old 03-19-2021, 11:08 AM
 
Location: Moreno Valley, Ca
4,033 posts, read 2,684,049 times
Reputation: 8472
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
I disagree, but only because of the perspective that I hold.

The first time, I was reluctant to marry as I was not in love with him enough to want to celebrate it, we'd been together for 10 years and had 2 kids and it would hurt our tax situation. I did not see the point. But when he went back into the Army, he convinced me (for reasons other than the benefits of being a mil spouse, which I didn't know about, but he said if we were not legally married, he might have to live in the barracks rather than us getting a housing allowance and all that, they would not pay to move the family to his duty stations, etc.) So we went to the courthouse and did it like an errand to the DMV. I didn't even get a ring, until years later when I decided I wanted one, so I bought myself a plain silver band for like $20.

Once it was over, some 8 years after we married, the fact that our wedding was so not special in any way, felt linked to how the marriage itself was a matter of survival, obligation, and increasing hardship. I did not expect to ever marry again...but...

I wound up with a really wonderful relationship. We dated for a couple of years, then moved in together. We talked about getting married for a few more, and then did so. And because we both love one another with all our hearts, I wanted it to feel special. We initially had some big awesome plans, but then Covid happened, so we scaled it down a lot. We ended up renting a really beautiful remote mountain vacation home and just having a few friends there that we were comfortable sharing some level of risk with, and kept things outdoors as much as possible. We had a really nice, relaxing, beautiful 5 days up there and no one got sick, and we spent less than half what we would have with the initial plan, so I call the whole thing a success.

Ultimately I wanted to feel like we were celebrating and embracing our choice to combine our lives together.

When I married the first time, I imagined and hoped for a future where "things"...the aspects of life that made my former husband the unhappy man that he was, would get better and if we worked very hard, then one day we could have our happily ever after. It's not that I didn't believe it was possible, but I saw it as a destination. When we achieved a certain level of comfort in life and he got worse than ever, I knew we would never get there. With my second husband, he is the only safe harbor in my whole life. Everything else can be stressful but if I'm with him, my heart is calm and joyful. Neither of us is waiting for the other to become someone that we are not.

My first husband was 29 when we met, and his second marriage was ending. I was his third. According to him, the failures in his first two were the woman's fault, but it should have been a red flag, among many red flags, but I was only 18 and was full of that "nothing bad could happen to me" youthful foolishness. He says he doesn't want to get married again, but I think that's only because he's in his 50s now and women don't seem very interested in him, so it comforts him to say it's his choice. But he still fixates on any woman who will talk to him, even friends, puts them on pedestals, tells everyone that they are "not like other women" and love bombs them like he does early in relationships. He wanted to marry me the first 10 years we were together, it's part of his possessive nature.

Ultimately, the answer to the OP's questions is that people do all kinds of things for all kinds of reasons. Everyone has a story, and no two are quite the same.
Truth!
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Old 03-19-2021, 03:31 PM
 
18,607 posts, read 33,173,132 times
Reputation: 36858
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
I disagree, but only because of the perspective that I hold.

...
I was responding to the poster who said they would never want multiple weddings, not that multiple marriages or such were a scam. I think people often forget about "marriage" and just picture "wedding" with all the consumerist hoopla. Of course I hope people get married in whatever way makes them more well married.
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