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If you're on the phone, you could just tell him you don't want to rekindle a relationship and would appreciate if he didn't contact you anymore, then immediately say something like "all the best in your life" and hang up before he has a chance to respond. If he tries to cut you off, just hang up. If he calls back or does anything else to contact you, tell him abruptly that you'll file a harassment complaint if he contacts you again, then hang up. If he contacts you after that, follow through immediately with the harassment complaint.
I'm not advising this to take sides, but to remind you that you have the right not to be contacted regardless of what happened in the past. You'd simply be exercising that right, and it isn't for him to critique your choice to exercise it.
+1.
Its very simple. "Do not contact me again. Bye."
By law, in most states, he must attempt to contact you 3 additional times for a RO.
I'm over 60 and was married/divorced 33 yrs ago. I moved back to the area a few yrs ago.
My ex apparently heard, found where my house is, and has been driving around for a year hoping to run into me. He finally caught me returning home a couple of weeks ago, asked to speak with me just a few minutes, he wanted to talk to me. I thought about it, then nodded toward my driveway for him to meet me there. Turns out he didn't have anything special to say. Just comments about how I look ("the same"), how am I, etc. He then asks for a kiss. I shake my head no. He asks me to get in his car. I shake my head no. We talk for a while, catching up, then I say I have to go in...he wants to come in & visit, but I have things to do. End of visit. He gets my ph #.
Well, okay...he must be between girlfriends. He remarried soon after our divorce, and got divorced 10 yrs ago.
He's been calling me. I talked to him a long time, sharing funny stories, talking a bit about the past. Our divorce was bad. Our marriage was bad. He was even a bad bf. Just about anything you can think of, he did, except physical abuse. He was emotionally abusive, dishonest, unfaithful, critical, unemployed, leading a secret sort of life, uncaring. I don't know why I married him or stayed w/him. He was downright cruel after I left.
So I need to tell him not to contact me again. Better to do that in person, so I can remind him of some of the things I know he has chosen to forget? I really want him to know (or remember) the things he did. Or should I just tell him over the phone? Should I remind him how hurt I was at the end of our marriage, or just act nonchalant while I tell him not to call me, not giving an explanation? (Truth is, I'm still hurt, when I think of the things he did to me. I get very upset. I don't think I want him to know how upset I am, though. I don't want him to know he still has any power over me.)
driving by to "coincidentally" run into you, fine. The kiss and getting into car/house request - RED FLAG.
Why on earth did you even get into a long conversation with him and give him your number?? That's on you.
Update: I have not contacted him yet to tell him I don't want him to contact me further. The last time he called (which was right before I did this thread), I cut him off, saying I couldn't talk right then 'cause my brother was coming over (true). He sounded apologetic & said bye & got off the phone quickly. He hasn't called back.
I didn't do a text or FB msg to him right away, thinking about what to say. Then I realized he hadn't called back. Maybe that one rejection told him I'm not an easy mark any more, so he's moved on. Maybe I should wait to see if he calls again, and then tell him. Better than initiating contact? I don't know. I'm not thinking clearly. His contact has sent me into a tailspin. I'm not myself when he's around. But I'm older and more experienced, now, so I think I handled it okay.
Update: I have not contacted him yet to tell him I don't want him to contact me further. The last time he called (which was right before I did this thread), I cut him off, saying I couldn't talk right then 'cause my brother was coming over (true). He sounded apologetic & said bye & got off the phone quickly. He hasn't called back.
I didn't do a text or FB msg to him right away, thinking about what to say. Then I realized he hadn't called back. Maybe that one rejection told him I'm not an easy mark any more, so he's moved on. Maybe I should wait to see if he calls again, and then tell him. Better than initiating contact? I don't know. I'm not thinking clearly. His contact has sent me into a tailspin. I'm not myself when he's around. But I'm older and more experienced, now, so I think I handled it okay.
You want no contact with him. The idea of contacting him to tell him not to contact you is kind of like eating cake and ice cream for dinner every night but saying you don't want to get fat. Don't do it. Your lack of contact speaks volumes to him. Leave it be.
You want no contact with him. The idea of contacting him to tell him not to contact you is kind of like eating cake and ice cream for dinner every night but saying you don't want to get fat. Don't do it. Your lack of contact speaks volumes to him. Leave it be.
This.
And is something keeping you from blocking him so he *can't* contact you and then you won't have to worry about it?
He didn't call back, so that's that, I suppose. I didn't block him because I wanted to know for sure.
Now I'm flooded with all the old memories. They keep replaying like videos. I'm reminded how I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, this enough, that enough. He stole my car...the only possession of value I had before we were married. This was after I left...he needed wheels to pick up girls in bars & go on dates. I miscarried, and he refused to pay half the medical bills. On and on...he was so cruel. I can't get these incidents out of my head, now.
I'm looking for a therapist. I cry every day, very depressed. How could he come back after all these years...to do what? Did he want to have sex, because we used to have sex? I don't know. How could I have married someone like that? I never remarried.
I can't believe how contact w/him has affected me, after all these years. He doesn't even remember some of the events. It was so unimportant to him.
I don't know. Maybe because it would show that I care enough to block him? I don't want to appear that I care one way or the other? Or maybe because it's so final? Or maybe I want to have the chance to reject him outright? I really don't know.
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