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Was it inappropriate? Well, it depends in part on how you handled the call. Did you tell him right away you're married and have kids and a happy marriage and family life? That would have sent a clear signal. If you did do that, what was his response?
Of course he has an agenda for contacting you out of the blue after 12+ years, hoping to see you at the class reunion. BTW, did you find out if he was married or single or divorced? If he was single or divorced, did your husband know that, before he said the conversation was inappropriate?
Lots of blanks to fill in, here, before we can accurately size up the situation.
Oh, and add to the list of questions: ARE you planning to go to the reunion? Were you planning not to attend, but changed your mind? Or did you say you won't be attending, it was great catching up on news with him, and express best wishes for a nice life?
Why would you talk to someone on the phone for 45 minutes in the same room where other people are doing things? Talk in private, tell him about it later, it won't seem like such a big deal.
How would you feel if he (your husband) had done what you did? If his old ex girlfriend that he dated for years (in the past) had called out of the blue, and he spoke with her for 45 minutes... Would you care? Would you not be happy? Would you be a little irritated? Would you be seeing red?
Be honest now...
I think you may not be hugely upset, but I suspect that you probably would not like it. And, you would likely voice your displeasure about it after he got off the call.
Be honest...
If I were your husband, I don't think I would have liked it...
And BTW... I *get* wanting to talk to the ex, just out of curiosity. I'd want to catch up on any news too. I'd probably have done the same thing, though my husband would likely have heard the whole conversation on speaker. That's just how I usually talk on the phone, and might have been a better tactic here.
Last edited by Diana Holbrook; 04-16-2021 at 10:01 AM..
How is the state of your marriage? Are you happy and content? Is your husband normally jealous or is this unusual behavior for him?
You said the reunion "was" to take place in a few days. Has it been cancelled due to Covid or is it still taking place? Or, did this event happen on the past and you are just throwing it out for conversation?
Without knowing you or your husband it is impossible to tell if this is a problem in the making or not. Being curious about an old boyfriend (or other old friends and acquaintances) is normal.
Not knowing your ex-bf it's impossible to tell if he had an agenda. Even if he doesn't he could still be wishing the two of you had stayed together. He could just be nosy. He could be hoping to show off his accomplishments since school days. People are complicated - there can be many reasons.
Unless your husband is always jealous, which would be tedious, you do need to take his feelings into consideration and ask yourself why he is feeling insecure. His feelings are valid even if there is absolutely nothing for him to be concerned about.
You didn't mention whether or not he was going to the reunion with you. It very well could be boring for him, but maybe it would make him feel better than staying home with the kids.
I think this is a normal thing to do, and it sounds innocent to me. You were a part of each other's lives for a long time, and no doubt there is curiosity - and maybe a bit of nostalgia. It doesn't even matter if he has ulterior motives (which seems ridiculous because he doesn't even know what you look like now), because YOU can always shut him down if he becomes inappropriate. I think your husband is experiencing unfounded jealousy, and the call started him wondering how he compares to your ex - basically, it's insecurity. Be nice to him, reassure him, and don't dismiss his concerns even if they are totally wrong.
It doesn't even matter if he has ulterior motives (which seems ridiculous because he doesn't even know what you look like now), because YOU can always shut him down if he becomes inappropriate. I think your husband is experiencing unfounded jealousy, and the call started him wondering how he compares to your ex - basically, it's insecurity. Be nice to him, reassure him, and don't dismiss his concerns even if they are totally wrong.
This is a ridiculous take. This isn’t some old buddy from the high school band. A seven year sexual relationship. The husbands just smart, and knows how this works, we’ve all seen it too many times.
And then to tell her husband this “ I also told my husband that I had no feelings whatsoever for my ex-boyfriend, and that we were just friends.” Such an odd thing to say to your husband in this situation. I wouldn’t classify someone I haven’t talked to in 12 years as just friends. I would say we are nothing.
My guess is she is being half truthful in her posts.
Why does your first love after all these years care if you're going to the class reunion ?
And if you haven't had any contact with him for 12 years why would you tell your husband " We're just friends" ?
Last edited by Mr B Kind; 04-16-2021 at 11:10 AM..
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