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Old 04-23-2021, 04:34 AM
 
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Had a conversation either here or another discussion about dating in social circles and how some people are not all that for it. The reason stated is because it basically keeps you behaving appropriately. Keeps you in check. There's a certain amount of accountability.

And guess what, a lot people don't like that...right?

This is why people prefer to date total strangers.

Just to give an extreme example to get the point across.

Bill meets Sue through his group of friends, Bill sleeps with Sue and then never calls her (one-night stand) Sue has hurt feelings and this gets back to others in the group and, well, Bill is hated and ostracized for his behavior.

That said I have to wonder since people tend to be anti-dating within the social circles and prefer strangers, it kind of makes you wonder it's players think like this, or non-committal types.

I could be way off, but there is something to how dating in your social circles keeps you in check?
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Old 04-23-2021, 04:54 AM
 
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,691 posts, read 41,633,601 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
Had a conversation either here or another discussion about dating in social circles and how some people are not all that for it. The reason stated is because it basically keeps you behaving appropriately. Keeps you in check. There's a certain amount of accountability.

And guess what, a lot people don't like that...right?

This is why people prefer to date total strangers.

Just to give an extreme example to get the point across.

Bill meets Sue through his group of friends, Bill sleeps with Sue and then never calls her (one-night stand) Sue has hurt feelings and this gets back to others in the group and, well, Bill is hated and ostracized for his behavior.

That said I have to wonder since people tend to be anti-dating within the social circles and prefer strangers, it kind of makes you wonder it's players think like this, or non-committal types.

I could be way off, but there is something to how dating in your social circles keeps you in check?
I don’t date inside my social circle and I’m definitely not a player. I avoid dating in my circle because you’ll automatically have people all up in your relationship and these would be people you actually care about, so it ain’t like you can shut them out. If you break up, even if you didn’t do anything wrong necessarily, you are gonna get grilled and sideeyed like you have three heads, especially if you are a man. Exactly what happened when I broke up with my ex because we had so many friends in common. Not going to fish out of my friends well EVER again.
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Old 04-23-2021, 05:27 AM
 
Location: South of Heaven
7,767 posts, read 3,357,885 times
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Bill meets Sue in friend circle. Bill and Sue date for a year, even fall in love. Sue dumps Bill and starts dating Tony, who is also in the friend group. Bill always has to see Sue with Tony. Sue also tells all the girls in the friend group embarrassing things about Bill, so none of them will date him. Sue knows Stacey has always had the hots for Bill and she doesn't want to have to see Bill with Stacey every time the friends get together. Now that Sue has told Stacey embarrassing things about Bill(which may or may not be true), Stacey no longer wants to date him.

Bill regrets dating Sue and now everybody in the friend group knows much more about Bill than friends ought to, some of which may or may not even be true. Oh and Bill and Tony hate each other now. Bill doesn't even want to be around the friend group anymore so he goes off on his own. Bill's best friend Pete is also in the friend group and now they've drifted apart even though they've been good friends since 7th grade.

Or, Bill dates Kate, who he met when he was stuck in line at the DMV for an hour and he has no mutual friends with. They date for a year, even fall in love. Kate dumps Bill and starts dating Dave. Bill has no idea who Dave is so he doesn't really care. Bill, Pete and Tony go out for beers and help Bill drown his sorrows over Kate dumping him. Bill meets Rachel at the bar...
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Old 04-23-2021, 05:53 AM
 
Location: U.S.A.
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Yeah, I guess if you and all your friends wanna share some drama and stds.... Go for it.
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Old 04-23-2021, 06:05 AM
 
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That’s a good point.
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Old 04-23-2021, 06:08 AM
 
Location: South of Heaven
7,767 posts, read 3,357,885 times
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Originally Posted by D217 View Post
Yeah, I guess if you and all your friends wanna share some drama and stds.... Go for it.
You pretty much said what I said with much less words, and I didn't even get to the std part. +1 for brevity.
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Old 04-23-2021, 06:15 AM
 
Location: U.S.A.
19,638 posts, read 20,130,445 times
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Originally Posted by Toxic Waltz View Post
You pretty much said what I said with much less words, and I didn't even get to the std part. +1 for brevity.
I keep it short and sweet
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Old 04-23-2021, 06:20 AM
 
3,926 posts, read 2,023,826 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by D217 View Post
Yeah, I guess if you and all your friends wanna share some drama and stds.... Go for it.
You can get STDs no matter who you date. lol Also, it's only as dramatic as you make it. If someone decides to give out your personal details and gossip about you, you actually may want to cut ties with that person altogether based on that alone.
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Old 04-23-2021, 06:59 AM
 
2,919 posts, read 1,609,969 times
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I agree, ThisTown. Part of being in a social circle is appropriate behavior. Gossiping about a friend is never appropriate. Neither is revealing intimate details to others, especially with an ulterior motive.

I always dated within my social circle(s). Never went out with someone I met in some random queue at the bloody DMV. A stranger? Who the heck is he? No way.

A social circle is precisely for meeting prospects for dating. You get to know people without the complications of emotions. Observe them, get to like them. The "friend zone" is often mentioned as purgatory but the friend zone is often where the best relationships start.

If you're in a gossipy friend group where people don't know how to act, get new friends.
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Old 04-23-2021, 07:53 AM
 
3,926 posts, read 2,023,826 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RubyandPearl View Post
I agree, ThisTown. Part of being in a social circle is appropriate behavior. Gossiping about a friend is never appropriate. Neither is revealing intimate details to others, especially with an ulterior motive.

I always dated within my social circle(s). Never went out with someone I met in some random queue at the bloody DMV. A stranger? Who the heck is he? No way.

A social circle is precisely for meeting prospects for dating. You get to know people without the complications of emotions. Observe them, get to like them. The "friend zone" is often mentioned as purgatory but the friend zone is often where the best relationships start.

If you're in a gossipy friend group where people don't know how to act, get new friends.
Yeah, someone here posted some scenario of what they considered normal.

I'd be like "Really? Your ex-girlfriend tells her other friends in the group you don't last long in the bedroom? Wow!"
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