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There was another thread about petty things that prevent you from dating someone and one of the things that came up was being touched on the first date.
That had me thinking how do you decide to and how would you prefer to be touched or kissed or any of the physical aspects of dating to occur?
What were ways that you really liked and what were the ways that you really didn't.
There was another thread about petty things that prevent you from dating someone and one of the things that came up was being touched on the first date.
That had me thinking how do you decide to and how would you prefer to be touched or kissed or any of the physical aspects of dating to occur?
What were ways that you really liked and what were the ways that you really didn't.
I'm a guy so this might be different for women. I personally like being touched not even necessarily in a sexual way. So it doesn't bother me, since I like that I want to touch who I'm dating so no doubt it's often me that wants to do it before the other person. So I let them make the first touch and I only touch the way I was touched. This seems to work out well in my experience at least.
I'm a guy so this might be different for women. I personally like being touched not even necessarily in a sexual way. So it doesn't bother me, since I like that I want to touch who I'm dating so no doubt it's often me that wants to do it before the other person. So I let them make the first touch and I only touch the way I was touched. This seems to work out well in my experience at least.
You have made some previous references to same sex relationships, but it is a little unclear to me whether you are gay or bisexual.
But I kind of wonder how much the issues that women have with being touched too quickly is because size and strength differences. I am guessing that gay men and lesbians might have fewer reservations about touch then in heterosexual relationships, but I don't know.
The thing I tend to do most is holding hands in parking lots because I just like holding hands and its kind of protective. Also on a first date I have taken my dates hand to follow the waitress through a crowded restaurant or I have put my hand on her hips to kind of steer her through a crowd especially near the bar, while following the waitress through the crowd to our table. But I hadn't given much thought to how that might actually feel intrusive especially on a first date.
I mean, my thing was, did we have genuine connection and chemistry, and did we have it before, when talking and building rapport, and is it still palpable in-person? If yes, then I was ALL for touching, flirting, kissing, and whatever else that came after, should it go there.
ETA:
The vast majority of my dates followed my lead or were able to read body language and cues. So it wasn’t really an issue. Some were more forward, though it was definitely mutual. I did have a date just walk out of his car to greet me and kissed me right there. Haha.
And a number of dates that, uh, started with kissing and touching. There was some intense chemistry before the date, over the course of conversations, and that carried over to in-person, seamlessly and effortlessly. Those led to several more dates or relationships.
By the time I went out with someone, we'd already touched platonically multiple times, pats on back, squeeze arm playfully, briefly touch hands, etc.
But no touching of any area of the torso or legs.
By the time we decided to spend time together as man and woman, with the potential for sex that implies, little touches as described above by shelato I would consider appropriate and sweet on a first date.
However if the first date is also the first time two people are physically in the same space together, then I'd say no touching. Maybe shake hands when meeting, but not a hug and certainly not a kiss as greeting.
I never felt "instant" physical attraction to anyone, that always developed as we got to know each other. So first meeting touching would be very uncomfortable for me.
But I know some people do experience "instant" and they might feel differently.
Okay, I am a hetero guy, and I am quite OK with plenty of touching as soon as a gal is ready for that. Sit on my lap and we will talk about the first thing that pops up, OK?
You have made some previous references to same sex relationships, but it is a little unclear to me whether you are gay or bisexual.
Not that it matters but I'm gay. I have dated women in the past
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But I kind of wonder how much the issues that women have with being touched too quickly is because size and strength differences. I am guessing that gay men and lesbians might have fewer reservations about touch then in heterosexual relationships, but I don't know.
That really all depends. My partner is quite a bit smaller than me. I am a large man and I could likely overpower anybody that isn't a skilled fighter. So not really.
Quote:
The thing I tend to do most is holding hands in parking lots because I just like holding hands and its kind of protective. Also on a first date I have taken my dates hand to follow the waitress through a crowded restaurant or I have put my hand on her hips to kind of steer her through a crowd especially near the bar, while following the waitress through the crowd to our table. But I hadn't given much thought to how that might actually feel intrusive especially on a first date.
I'm not sure that's what they were talking about but yes I do the same thing after I know a person well enough. I wouldn't do that on a first or even second date.
Okay, I am a hetero guy, and I am quite OK with plenty of touching as soon as a gal is ready for that. Sit on my lap and we will talk about the first thing that pops up, OK?
I wouldn't think most guys, regardless of orientation would mind.
I wouldn't think most guys, regardless of orientation would mind.
Well perhaps you are right, while I am stridently child-free, I am as far as I know 100% hetero. Go figure. But the few women who have come on very strongly to me, I really didn't mind it a bit and actually liked it a lot. In any sort of transaction, nothing better than a partner who knows what they want!
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