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Old 05-13-2008, 07:45 PM
 
Location: Earth
3,814 posts, read 6,776,754 times
Reputation: 2590

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren View Post
I have to agree with you there.



Eww, he reminde me of an older man who had a thing for me. In spite of what I was saying, he didn't HEAR me and kept pushing himself on me in subtle ways. I finally had to tell him to go away and never speak to me again. In spite of me telling him how I felt, he still cherished the idea of marrying me and moving into my home. This was NEVER on my mind and I had told him that outright. Some people just don't hear something if it is what they don't want.
It was a little creepy for me...enough to get me posting here about it. I think my saving grace is that he's moving, divorcing, getting a new job...he's going to be busy.

Why do guys do the long extended hugs when there is clearly no relationship???
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Old 05-13-2008, 08:14 PM
 
Location: New England
786 posts, read 1,172,427 times
Reputation: 553
OK, let me tell you what's going on here. First, he wants to get laid, and you are nice *and* convenient. Secondly, he's getting an emotional attachment to you. Not a crush... nothing romantic going on here... more like codependence. I agree with the comment above that this is potential stalker material. Don't assume that because he's moving 7 hours away that you'll be out of the woods with this one. Oh no... he'll be willing to make that 7-hour trip periodically because you could fill a void in his life.

Now, let me say... if he were capable of just doing the sex thing and leaving the emotional codependence at the door, I'd say... go for it. But this business of writing you a song and getting all mushy... that's where the emotional attachment is coming into play. As I said, you're convenient and you're nice and he's needy. Put it all together and you're potentially in Silence of the Lambs territory... At least your name isn't Clarice!
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Old 05-13-2008, 08:16 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,765 posts, read 40,091,372 times
Reputation: 18068
Quote:
Originally Posted by moonsavvy View Post
Why do guys do the long extended hugs when there is clearly no relationship???
Some men like to cuddle. So this guy has a skin hunger. When his marriage was going well, he probably got lots of longer hugs from his wife. My boyfriend loves to be hugged. I do too, but when I am single, I hug my dogs. My choc. lab is great. He'll start by sitting next to me while I'm sitting on my back steps. Then he leans over and finally topples backwards into my arms. Then I give him some chest rubs. He's such a lovebug! And this is a dog that was so abused by his first owner than he was really scared of all people when I first met him. And no one else wanted to adopt such a fearful dog.

Tell this divorced guy to get a dog.
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Old 05-13-2008, 08:27 PM
 
Location: Earth
3,814 posts, read 6,776,754 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
Some men like to cuddle. So this guy has a skin hunger. When his marriage was going well, he probably got lots of longer hugs from his wife. My boyfriend loves to be hugged. I do too, but when I am single, I hug my dogs. My choc. lab is great. He'll start by sitting next to me while I'm sitting on my back steps. Then he leans over and finally topples backwards into my arms. Then I give him some chest rubs. He's such a lovebug! And this is a dog that was so abused by his first owner than he was really scared of all people when I first met him. And no one else wanted to adopt such a fearful dog.

Tell this divorced guy to get a dog.
He's not divorced, he's barely filed...as a matter of fact his wife just moved out over the weekend. Why is he so needy? I don't know if I can keep this friendship up, he may get stalkerish...I hope not.

He has a dog, a cat and two children who give him lot's of love.

Skin hunger? That hit the nail on the head!
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Old 05-13-2008, 08:31 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 88,042,435 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moonsavvy View Post
...as a matter of fact his wife just moved out over the weekend. Why is he so needy?
Moony, did you just string these two sentences together and wonder why... Haven't you been there? Don't you know? The guy is a MESS!
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Old 05-13-2008, 08:33 PM
 
Location: Earth
3,814 posts, read 6,776,754 times
Reputation: 2590
Quote:
Originally Posted by shuke View Post
Now, let me say... if he were capable of just doing the sex thing and leaving the emotional codependence at the door, I'd say... go for it.
And another male addresses the sex issue. How could I possibly consider having "sex" with someone without having a spiritual bond with them? That's not even appealing to me nor is it a possibility.

You're right about the codependence part, right on. That's another thing that's been concerning to me. He is a very nice guy, and would be a fun friend, but I have to limit my time with him.

BTW thanks for the Clarice statement, I'll be resting well tonight.
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Old 05-13-2008, 08:45 PM
 
Location: Earth
3,814 posts, read 6,776,754 times
Reputation: 2590
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Moony, did you just string these two sentences together and wonder why... Haven't you been there? Don't you know? The guy is a MESS!
Yes, he's a mess.

OK. This is my contribution to the chaos. I feel like I'm the veteran divorcee so I can say "Yeah I felt like that too, I've moved beyond it though, I haven't felt like that in weeks" This is rediculous, what a crazy friendship this is.

He has me in his 5 (most frequent callers) along with his mom, dad, brother and sister! I don't want to be in the 5 I wouldn't mind in the 20, but the 5?
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Old 05-13-2008, 08:48 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,757 posts, read 35,383,249 times
Reputation: 6960
Quote:
Originally Posted by moonsavvy View Post
It was a little creepy for me...enough to get me posting here about it. I think my saving grace is that he's moving, divorcing, getting a new job...he's going to be busy.

Why do guys do the long extended hugs when there is clearly no relationship???
I think they are hoping you will suddenly HAVE to have them, right there on the front door mat. EWWWW.

My guess is this guy is feeling like he needs to get laid more then anything. SOME PEOPLE out there think a good lay would answer everything that is wrong.
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Old 05-13-2008, 08:52 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 88,042,435 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by moonsavvy View Post
OK. This is my contribution to the chaos.
Hey, we all try to do our best, don't we?!

Quote:
He has me in his 5 (most frequent callers) along with his mom, dad, brother and sister! I don't want to be in the 5 I wouldn't mind in the 20, but the 5?
Too much... too soon... too messy... too clingy... too scary... time for Ms. Shrink to become unavailable! And it's not like you've been friends for a long time BEFORE...
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Old 05-13-2008, 09:04 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,757 posts, read 35,383,249 times
Reputation: 6960
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
Some men like to cuddle.
Tell this divorced guy to get a dog.
I seriously doubt this guy has cuddling in mind.

Quote:
Originally Posted by moonsavvy View Post
He's not divorced, he's barely filed...as a matter of fact his wife just moved out over the weekend. Why is he so needy? I don't know if I can keep this friendship up, he may get stalkerish...I hope not.

He has a dog, a cat and two children who give him lot's of love.

Skin hunger? That hit the nail on the head!
My guess is that even though he is just now getting divorced, its been some time since they did the bone dance.
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