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I'm starting to realize that there are some adults that just really really need attention and parties for them are a surefire way to get it. It's supposed to be all about them and they are to be showered with complements, presents with a smile, and provided with entertaining (to them) conversation.
After 12 years old I was done with the kid like attitude towards parties. Like most people I started to enjoy simply being with people I like rather then forcing people to worship me. But some kids hold on to that and become narcissist when it comes to these kind of events. They don't even know how to enjoy a party for themselves because not everyone is 150% focused on them or doing exactly what they envisioned (usually related to focusing on them).
If you think this is just about a party then you haven't been paying attention.
The baby shower in your first example was attended by co-workers who were obligated to attend. They didn't want to be there but it was a break from work.
The second baby shower was attended by students - kids - so you got the excited enthusiastic faces. That's what kids do.
Not quite lol.
Baby Shower # 1: No one was obligated to come. Looking back I realize that many of those there were more socially awkward types. The one that threw the party was very outgoing.
Baby Shower #2: There were other adults (teachers and parents). Kids aren't inherently excited about baby showers. These kids were excited and fun because they had been taught by their parents and teachers to be enthusiastic about celebrating someone else's important moment. Even the parents who were not there had made great effort to send extra special things. All parenets had made food, decorations and gifts---it was a real baby shower, lol. This effort in turn made their children excited.
If the parents were sticks in the mud or people who have zero interest in celebrating others' excitement or people who are appalled at the 'audacity' of other people's desire to want people to be happy/excited for them, then sure, those people and their kids will not likley be excited.
At any rate the point of the baby shower example was not to illustrate reasons why people might not be enthusiastic, but to show how people's positive attitude and energy are important during celebrations.
I'm starting to realize that there are some adults that just really really need attention and parties for them are a surefire way to get it. It's supposed to be all about them and they are to be showered with complements, presents with a smile, and provided with entertaining (to them) conversation.
After 12 years old I was done with the kid like attitude towards parties. Like most people I started to enjoy simply being with people I like rather then forcing people to worship me. But some kids hold on to that and become narcissist when it comes to these kind of events. They don't even know how to enjoy a party for themselves because not everyone is 150% focused on them or doing exactly what they envisioned (usually related to focusing on them).
You went to the extreme of extreme, lol. Making sure a person has a great time during his/her own celebration in no way means you have to "force people to worship them", "be 150% focused" on the person or cater o their little whim. Really tho?
Complimenting the person, giving a presents with a smile and great conversation? Of course! Would you prefer insults? Giving presents with a frown? Never conversing with the person?
It is interesting that you think people who enjoy positive vibes, smiles, laughter and fun conversation, all that allow them to enjoy their day, are narcissistic.
What you describe that you enjoy sounds like a regular get-together, not a specific celebration. In fact it is you who comes across as jealous, insincere and narcissitic in attitude if you get so bothered by others receiving attention on their day.
I would maybe try to adjust my expectations. It sounds like you were hoping he would show you love in one way (take out, lively conversation) and he tried to show you love in a different way (home cooked dinner, homemade cake, theater tickets). Neither of these is wrong. My husband for my last birthday, made me dinner. No cake. We played a board game. After, he wandered off to watch TV alone. He didn't get me a present. He asked if I wanted anything. I didn't. I didn't feel hurt or offended. My birthday is just another day.
I think the bigger question you need to answer for yourself is whether this relationship is right for you. I am not hearing anything problematic about the birthday. But perhaps the two of you are simply not a good fit for each other and would be happier with other people.
Maybe the OP should come back to clarify as maybe I read it wrong as so many seem to be focusing on the homemade food, flowers and theater tickets.
I read it as thought she actually liked and appeciated those things, but she felt disappointed or let down by his lack of being 'present' and overall acting as though he couldn't wait for it to be over and that he was just 'going through the motions' without any real desire to do any of those things.
Is it possible as some suggested that he became less enthused or frustrated because he thought she was disappointed and unappreciiative. It is also possible as others suggested that she is subconsciously looking for reasons to validate her desire to no longer be in a relationship with him.
Overall though, it seems to me that their issues are bigger and really have nothing to do with the manner of birthday celebration.
I pray the OP figures out what is best for her. It is perfectly okay either way.
Maybe the OP should come back to clarify as maybe I read it wrong as so many seem to be focusing on the homemade food, flowers and theater tickets.
I read it as thought she actually liked and appeciated those things, but she felt disappointed or let down by his lack of being 'present' and overall acting as though he couldn't wait for it to be over and that he was just 'going through the motions' without any real desire to do any of those things.
Is it possible as some suggested that he became less enthused or frustrated because he thought she was disappointed and unappreciiative. It is also possible as others suggested that she is subconsciously looking for reasons to validate her desire to no longer be in a relationship with him.
Overall though, it seems to me that their issues are bigger and really have nothing to do with the manner of birthday celebration.
I pray the OP figures out what is best for her. It is perfectly okay either way.
My guess is that the bolded is his regular personality due to his mood and anxiety disorder and the OP has seen it time and time again. Even so, every time a celebratory event comes around, she waits, and hopes and wishes that this time, he will be different. And he isn't. And she's once again disappointed. Had this been a situation of, "He always puts rose petals on the bed and has champagne and treats me like a queen on my birthday, but this year he seemed to dread the whole thing," then I could see an issue.
I'm starting to realize that there are some adults that just really really need attention and parties for them are a surefire way to get it. It's supposed to be all about them and they are to be showered with complements, presents with a smile, and provided with entertaining (to them) conversation.
After 12 years old I was done with the kid like attitude towards parties. Like most people I started to enjoy simply being with people I like rather then forcing people to worship me. But some kids hold on to that and become narcissist when it comes to these kind of events. They don't even know how to enjoy a party for themselves because not everyone is 150% focused on them or doing exactly what they envisioned (usually related to focusing on them).
So true. I've raised two kids and attended countless birthday parties for their friends along the way and like most behaviors, good or bad, they start in childhood.
The child who is taught early in life to be grateful and kind to their friends, regardless of the presents, usually turns into an adult who appreciates any kind of acknowledgement. When a child has a tantrum because a gift/event isn't up to their expectation and the parent fails to teach the child how to deal with disappointment (which will always be a part of life) the child will likely continue to have problems when things don't live up to their expectations.
Teaching a child to be grateful for any gift or acknowledgement is an essential part of child rearing as well as learning to deal with disappointments.
The birthday scenario with the OP is just one part of the whole relationship but if it wasn't an important part, I don't think the OP would have gone into so much detail about it.
We are in lockdown, so plans are hard to make. We have been dating for two years. Last year I went through a miscarriage, so had a difficult birthday.
He decided to make me cake and dinner for my birthday.
When I arrived at his house, he gave me a card and flowers (he had previously purchased me a gift of theatre tickets). He had not yet started cooking and the process was taking quite long. I am a good cook and always cook for him, so I helped him out with some things.
We had a good chat and then had dinner, and he got quiet and the conversation sort of fizzled out. He asked to lie down in bed for a bit with me, and then he fell asleep for a short while.
He attempted to pleasure me when he woke up but I wasn’t really in the mood, so we just had sex.
I then said I did not want to stay in bed on my birthday, so we moved to the lounge room and I asked to do cake. It was the first time he had made a cake in his life.
Anyways, he seemed tired and the conversation was a bit dry, and he asked me if I wanted to watch something or go home.
I ended up going home as it was late, but I felt that he wasn’t very present or festive and now I feel disappointed.
You have the right to feel however you feel, but it sounds like you should part ways with him. If you're disappointed over this, then when true hard times come, it's going to be a big problem.
I really wasnt raised in that way. I seldom celebrate my birthday but he knew I wanted to this year to make up for last.
I dont care about presents. I care about my boyfriend talking to me/showing interest in conversation instead of zoning out - at least on my birthday.
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