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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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You are in PRIME social time. Best social years of most people (that I know) lives are right after undergrad. Working so we have some money.
It's been hard the last 1.5 years with covid, many of the things aren't happening that we did at that age (though I don't know where you live).
But outside of that. Shows, parties, bars, festivals. You should have more than enough energy to work hard all day and party most of the night as many days than not.
Okay. Maybe you and your buddy need to get out and try some new things. Ever go camping? Kayaking? Attend sporting events? These kind of activities are FUN. It’ll make you feel happier. That’s contagious. Women like positivity.
Start walking. Find a park or highly used trail and walk regularly. Suburban streets are also ideal. Can you get a dog? That’s a great ice breaker. Talk to people. Say hi, at least.
Even if you’re not a drinker, try playing darts or pool with your friend. Both of you need to get out more.
Your statements above are really nasty. Are you perfect?
Thank you for backing me up. There are some people who are gay and can’t help but prefer the same sex. Can I help that I prefer skinny women? No, I cannot, in the same way that a homosexual person can’t help their preferences. It’s innate. But yet preferring skinny women is akin to being a pedophile nowadays. Many 20s and 30s women are skinny and not curvy. It’s not strictly a teenage thing. My dad has the same preference, and his 54-year-old girlfriend is a healthy level of thin.
Now, I obviously don’t strictly limit myself to skinny women. I understand that I need to actively get involved in the community, meet someone I have a genuine connection with, and then I’m not going to be inclined to reject a great woman just because she has meatier thighs than my ideal preference. My ex girlfriend wasn’t heavy, but she wasn’t skinny by any means either. But I can’t help preferring that body type. It’s the same thing as preferring blondes to brunettes.
However, I really don’t want this thread to gravitate towards discussing what I find sexy or not sexy. It’s not what I posted for, but I just decided to mention it, and I wish I wouldn’t have.
Okay. Maybe you and your buddy need to get out and try some new things. Ever go camping? Kayaking? Attend sporting events? These kind of activities are FUN. It’ll make you feel happier. That’s contagious. Women like positivity.
Start walking. Find a park or highly used trail and walk regularly. Suburban streets are also ideal. Can you get a dog? That’s a great ice breaker. Talk to people. Say hi, at least.
Even if you’re not a drinker, try playing darts or pool with your friend. Both of you need to get out more.
My local friend is in middle school mentally, so he has no interest in ever going on a date or getting married. He also just does not like doing those things. I do things like that with my friends who live farther away-we are actually going to a baseball game on Saturday night, they’re driving in to meet me. I am not a binge drinker, hate being drunk, but I will usually drink 1 or 2 Captain and Ginger’s really slowly when I go out. I still enjoy the atmosphere and alcohol to some extent.
I have not been camping. No one adventurous enough to go with me. I want to though. I love the beach and just went for 2 days with my father, but if I don’t go with my father, I’m never at the beach because my parents tend to monitor my schedule a bit too much and they’d be asking loads of questions and feeling pity for me driving down there by myself. Not that many women are looking to meet men at the beach, but still. This summer was such a bust, and it’s made me miserable. Before this week, I hadn’t been to the beach one time since it opened over Memorial Day Weekend.
I appreciate posters like you. Not that I don’t appreciate everybody’s advice equally. But no matter how busy one is, coming home to a quiet, empty house with just a pet and some plants on a daily basis gets awful after several years. The fact that many people who are presumably in relationships are telling me it’s not ok to feel a void in my life without romantic and physical affection, some of the most wonderful parts of the human existence? It’s frustrating.
how about going 180 degrees the other side and start dating men as an experiment? That could possibly lead you to find your perfect match. Besides, you would probably find your body type in a man
You are 23 years old, man. You have plenty of time to meet women and to find yourself a girlfriend. No one wants to deal with someone who isn't 25 years old yet and is already carrying so much psychological baggage, so what you do is to go to a psychologist and to tell healthcare professional about what is troubling you so much, then you work on yourself, become a well-balanced, emotionally stable young man, and then you go and you talk to women, and eventually you might find yourself in a relationship.
Make friends. Develop enjoyable hobbies. Take a walk outside of the house. Read books. Go watch movies. There are so many ways to have a good life, you don't need a girlfriend to make your life right, what you need is to make your life right, by yourself, with professional medical help, and then that's when you begin to think about dating.
I actually have been seeing a therapist for a year and a half now, but she is currently on maternity leave until October, so CD is pretty much my outlet. She left me the name and number of a different therapist I could reach out to if I was in an emotional crisis, just while she is gone, so I will reach out to him if I don’t feel better over the weekend. I am busy tonight and tomorrow, so I don’t have time for an appointment on those days.
how about going 180 degrees the other side and start dating men as an experiment? That could possibly lead you to find your perfect match. Besides, you would probably find your body type in a man
Because I have absolutely no desire to date a man, have never been attracted to them, and don’t believe in the “fluid sexuality” theory that if I just date the right man, I will become attracted to men.
And this “body type” line is exactly what I don’t appreciate. I did not come here and say I prefer a woman to look like a child. Did nobody get that when I referenced Emma Stone? In fact, being completely flat chested (like a man) is equally unattractive. I’ve met women before that have that body type that are my age. This is why I avoid posting in certain places when my therapist is working. Because she doesn’t think there is anything wrong with this.
A lot of people are very lonely in their 20s after finishing school. It’s an age where people’s lives are in transition. I didn’t like my post-school 20s. 30s and 40s are better because by then people are more settled.
Getting heavily involved in church helps- if people at church aren’t friendly and welcoming, that’s very rare.
Yeah, I did feel some loneliness in senior year sometimes, but nothing like I do now. I was living with 4 of my friends, in a full apartment, and my schedule was relatively easy so we got to enjoy our time together. I actually am involved in my Catholic parish. I am a Eucharistic Minister, usher, and I attend an all-ages community that meets on Tuesday nights. However, given where I live, this group comprises of a couple of two very young couples who got married before they even reached my age, and the rest is 50 and 60-year-olds. I enjoy it and find it relaxing, but I don’t expect to meet any single young women this way.
I also attend Mass on Sunday, where there are a couple of young girls there, but they dart out to the parking lot before the final hymn is over. No coffee and donuts after Mass, or any opportunity for people to mingle. I am attending a fall fest there next month, with dinner, drinks, games, and dancing. So hopefully I can meet more people in general through that event.
You are very young, with a whole lifetime of possibilities ahead. Stop the pity party and go live your life, doing things that you enjoy. Make yourself interesting.
A partner will come along while you and she are sharing interests. When she does, you won’t really care if she has thin thighs or not. You’ll care that she makes you feel like your best self.
I appreciate the last line. I don’t get myself. My ex girlfriend was on the skinnier side, but not Emma Stone thin as I referenced before. How was I attracted to her? Was I just a desperate 18-year-old? These are just rhetorical questions, I do not expect you to know the answer.
The suburbs is not the middle of nowhere. You haven't been a long time single because you haven't been a long time on this earth yet.
You may or may not have a sucky personality. Let's say it's OK. What do you like to do? What are your interests? You said you are religious. Do you attend church, temple, or whatever? Do they have a youth group? If so, join it. Take an art class. Join a gym and do a zumba class. Lots more women than men in those classes. Do not stare weirdly at the women, and do not expect them to talk to you the first couple weeks.
Consider volunteer work. Humane society if you like animals. Amateur theatre - they need people behind the scenes as much or more than actors. There are endless things to do. Martial arts, learning to parachute, reading groups.... Covid may make some things more difficult now, but there is still stuff to do. Just don't sit around doing nothing.
Stop trying so hard to meet women. Relax. Find things you enjoy doing. If you meet someone, great. If not you have been having a good time, and are making yourself more interesting. It will give you more to talk about if you get an online match. Wallowing in self pity about not having a girlfriend is not an attractive trait.
I do attend Mass every Sunday. My parish is small and does not have much in the way of groups, but I signed up for a young adult group at another parish. I don’t have tremendous confidence in it having a good turnout, but I’ll pray for the best. And my goal there is to naturally develop connections with people. I won’t be scoping out every woman there, because I know that is counterproductive.
I volunteer most Sundays feeding the homeless, and I do this because I enjoy it. However, the volunteering also takes place in the suburbs, and it’s very slow right now in the summer, so it is only myself and one older woman at the table right now. Evidently, other volunteers begin coming back in the fall, so we’ll see what that brings.
It is ok to feel that having lots of friends and family fulfills some of my needs for human connection, but not all of it. They can fulfill the social part of my needs, not the romantic part. As long as I don’t go everywhere keeping a desperate eye out, why can’t I want that for myself? It’s the pinnacle of human existence for so many people. After all, I wouldn’t be typing this right now if my dad had just “bucked up” and been happy with staying single, and just not cared.
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